


Is this enough?

by trashfortwice



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Escorts, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, F/F, Slow Build, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-07
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:54:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 60,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25129624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashfortwice/pseuds/trashfortwice
Summary: "Do you want coffee or tea?"Sana is taken aback by the question to be honest. Usually, customers want to get right to it. That's why all she wears on her scheduled nights is a satin silk robe and a matching lingerie set. Tonight, she has her favorite black set on for a “very special customer”, as Madame Hyerim put it.
Relationships: Chou Tzuyu/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 383
Kudos: 700





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi? I'm back? With another probably long, probably convoluted plot. I haven't written it out in its entirety (not even the outline!). This mostly started as something very self-indulgent (as most fanfics are of course haha). But hopefully I can get the will to finish this. For now, enjoy(?)! Let me know how you think of the first chapter!
> 
> If you can tell, the onset of this was heavily inspired by A Tea Party for Two (a WenRene AU). If you haven't read that yet, give it a go! It's very satisfying (though incomplete huhu author-nim thank you for giving us such a beautiful piece of work and we hope you continue it but no worries, no pressure). The plot is different though so don't worry haha I do not plagiarize! I was just simply inspired.
> 
> Please enjoy this passion project of mine! You can also hit me up on twitter @trash_for_twice. Also, it would be really of great help if you could drop a few coins at my ko-fi (ko-fi.com/trashfortwice). Thank you so much!

"Do you want coffee or tea?"

Sana is taken aback by the question to be honest. Usually, customers want to get right to it. That's why all she wears on her scheduled nights is a satin silk robe and a matching lingerie set. Tonight, she has her favorite black set on for a “very special customer”, as Madame Hyerim put it.

Since she has to meet the customer outside of the massage parlor, she put on a trench coat over her usual get-up and some additional articles of clothing. If she could call them clothes, she would, but a skirt that barely covers her ass and a black tank top that leaves very little to the imagination don't really count. She skipped those wretched fishnet stockings. Who thought those things were sexy? They're hard to take off and harder to put on. She takes off her black stilettos and carefully places them on the shoe rack, taking in the atmosphere of her customer’s quaint little single-bedroom apartment. The walls are a plain off-white and there are some framed photographs hanging on them. There’s a small wooden bookcase stacked up with a number of thick books and some little figurines of farm animals. They’re cute.

"Coffee would be fine, sweetheart," Sana says coyly, choosing to keep her coat on and sitting cross-legged on the couch. Customers enjoy being called pet names, giving them the feeling of closeness. Though for Sana, it's quite far from the truth. She doesn’t know most of their names and would never bother to learn them. Except for the regulars who ask for Sana. But “sweetheart” always saves the day. 

"Just call me Tzuyu," she shrugs, her back facing Sana as she prepares her coffee. Sana hasn't even got a clear view of her face yet. She'd been looking away the whole time, even after opening the door she sprang back to the kitchen. Sana's a bit curious though. The woman is tall, slim. Her long black hair falls on her back. She looks quite modest, like how someone from the countryside dresses, with a long-sleeved buttoned-down chiffon top and a skirt that just falls below her knees. It’s as if she came out of _When The Camellia Blooms_. She has thin wrists and pointed fingers that carefully handle her kettle and kitchenware. Tzuyu turns around with a tray in her hands, two mugs adorning cute animal designs sit atop of it. But what catches Sana’s eyes the most is Tzuyu herself. She’s captivating, to say the least. Sana has yet to meet a customer that she would consider as such, but Tzuyu takes all the trophies. There is a certain charm to her. Perhaps her eyes. They’re darting yet somehow soft. But there’s an emptiness in them. Sana’s not sure if that’s the best word for it. She can’t quite place it, but for now, they look a bit desolate, a bit longing. Her smile is pleasant though. Her face is small, and her ears seem to be eternally perked up and they peek out of the sides with her hair tucked behind them. She takes a seat next to Sana, not looking at her direction.

There are people like Tzuyu, Sana supposes. Shy and unsure of how to go about this engagement. Sana can’t blame her. Women don’t usually get into these sorts of things as customers. Though she’d had a handful of women come see her. But looking at Tzuyu avoiding her gaze, even turning her body slightly away from herself, Sana can tell she’s _at least_ a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. For one, she chose to meet here, in her apartment, rather than the massage parlor where all customers come to see her. It takes a surprising amount of money to actually request any of the girls to proceed directly to the customers’ house or a hotel or wherever they would like to meet. But this woman was ready to pay the price immediately. Sana wonders how she managed to convince Madame Hyerim. She usually lets her more experienced girls go answer… home service calls. So, it’s surprising for Sana that she’s here, outside of the massage parlor, servicing a customer who seems reluctant about the arrangement.

Perhaps she’s bored with life, looking for an exciting encounter of some sort. Is she married? Is she tired of her husband or boyfriend? Or girlfriend? Sana likes to think of a back story for her more interesting customers, the ones who don’t just bang and go. Most men just get on with it because of the limited time and Sana really doesn’t care. But some want to strike up a conversation about how exhausting work has been or how unsatisfying their wives or girlfriends are. As she looks around her apartment though, there are no telltale signs indicating that she lives with anyone else. The photographs on the wall look more like family memories and moments with friends. The apartment is quite clean, and any little mess here and there looks like her own.

Tzuyu’s fluffy little puppy slippers greet her with their tongues out. Sana does wonder why a woman like her, or at least what she perceives her to be, would call for her services.

“So,” Sana speaks after blowing over her cup of coffee, “how do you want to go about this?”

She's about to slip her coat off when Tzuyu turns to face her, realizing what’s about to happen. Sana's not usually shy about people's eyes on her body. She gets it quite a lot. It _is_ her line of work after all. But something about Tzuyu’s eyes make Sana feel vulnerable. And it's not very comfortable. They’re anything but judgmental. Not pitiful either. They’re just raw and bores deep into Sana’s own eyes. If anything, Tzuyu looks horrified as the fabric is about to fall off her shoulders.

“It’s fine,” Tzuyu places her hands on top of Sana’s, stopping her from stripping, still avoiding her gaze. A shade of red dusts her cheeks. Sana must admit, her shyness is a bit cute. She enjoys playing with her shier customers, teasing them and making them succumb to the temptation. It’s a different kind of satisfaction, one she revels more than the sex itself, which is for the most part unsatisfying.

“You know, you _are_ paying me to have sex with you,” Sana smirks, taking Tzuyu’s hands and holding them in her own. They're so soft to hold and admittedly a bit sweaty.

“I know,” Tzuyu stares at their hands. She slips them away and places them together on her lap like a well-behaved student. Her posture is so rigid and upright. Tzuyu doesn’t even bother reclining on the couch. Meanwhile, Sana’s sitting there like this is her own home. Sana’s curiosity only heightens. She wonders what that back would look like arched into her.

“So, what are you waiting for?” Sana asks, scooting closer to Tzuyu, making her gulp, trapping the last breath she took in her lungs. If Tzuyu's got some strange kink that she's too afraid to admit, Sana really wouldn't judge. She's probably heard of worse.

"Just enjoy your coffee. That would be enough," Tzuyu takes a sip from her cup of tea, collecting herself, calming her nerves. It leaves Sana bewildered. She leans back, away from Tzuyu. Is she trying to play hard to get? Who has the time? Sana prides herself in being one of the most sought-after girls who work for Madame Hyerim, being able to charge one of the higher rates. Why would Tzuyu waste her money and Sana’s time and energy if they’re just going to sit there? Sana could open the door to her apartment to a very naked, very ready-to-be-fucked person and, honestly, she wouldn't mind. This is her job after all and, well, Tzuyu is very appealing. What game is this woman playing? How can she enjoy her coffee when Tzuyu is puzzling her so much? Sana slouches back on the couch and crosses her arms, leaving her coffee on the table. Tzuyu notices and looks at her.

"You don't like it? I have some more sugar if you want."

"No, it's fine. But if you just want me to drink coffee with you, why not call a friend? I'm not cheap," Sana snorts.

"I know. It's okay, I have the money," Tzuyu eyes the sealed blue envelope on the table with Sana's name written on the front.

The sigh comes out audibly such that even Tzuyu turns to face her, looking just as confused as Sana, "If you're into some weird shit, I don't mind. You can do whatever you want with me."

"Yes, I know," Tzuyu says, looking away again, hiding her pretty face from Sana's gaze, "I don't want to do anything with you, or _to_ you for that matter."

The initial cuteness of her shy character has grown to be more of an irritation and a hindrance to her job.

"So, why call me then?" Sana asks, getting less amused by the minute. She checks the time on her phone, ten minutes have passed since the clock started running.

"Can't I?" Tzuyu throws the question back at her. The sincerity is laced in her voice and plastered in her eyes. She really means it. But it doesn't do much to satiate Sana's curious mind or quell her growing annoyance.

There's no answer to Tzuyu's question though. Of course, she _can call_. Why not? But why would she? Is she so inhumanly lonely that she has to call _her_? It doesn't make sense. People call Sana because they want to have a good time, live out their fantasies, cater to certain needs. Not to have coffee and tea and talk about the weather or whatever.

Maybe she wants Sana to initiate it? Right. She’s shy. That _was_ Sana's first impression of her. Well, Tzuyu did stop her from stripping, which might actually mean she doesn't want to see Sana naked. That's an even bigger 'why'. Maybe she wants Sana to strip _her_.

No harm in trying. Sana stands in front of Tzuyu and runs her hands through her blonde hair while Tzuyu tries her best not to stare, a clear drop of sweat drips from her forehead despite the cool weather. She places her right hand on Tzuyu’s left shoulder and then the other hand on her right. She plants her knees on either side of Tzuyu, resting comfortably on the couch and lowers her body, straddling her, practically sitting on her lap.

"What are you doing?" Tzuyu frantically looks away and tries to get up. Her hands scramble, unsure of where to place them, until they reach for Sana's hips in an attempt to push her away. But Sana is firmly planted in front of Tzuyu. She kind of likes it when Tzuyu panics, her cheeks in full bloom and her eyes avoiding Sana's gaze, or Sana's lips or Sana's cleavage that reveals itself even more as she leans in closer.

"You don't have to be shy around me, Tzuyu-ssi," the first button gets undone under Sana's fingers, revealing more of Tzuyu's chest and collarbones. Tzuyu is a bit strange but Sana finds herself getting more curious about her, the woman underneath these clothes. The second button pops open and Sana can see a hint of her bra and her breasts. Wouldn’t it be nice to run her tongue between them?

"Why are you doing this?" Tzuyu grips her wrists in a tight hold that makes Sana jump a bit. Tzuyu’s fingertips dig into her skin.

"It's my job," Sana answers. There's nothing else to it, "The bigger question is why you're stopping me from doing it."

"I'm paying for your time, aren't I?" Tzuyu lets go of her hands and redoes the buttons, disappointing Sana.

"Technically you’re paying for my _services_ ," Sana sits up straight, but she's still on Tzuyu's lap. She wonders if Tzuyu can tell she's pretty much naked under the coat. Sana tucks Tzuyu's rather disheveled hair behind her ear, and she swears Tzuyu shivers from it. Her voice is sultry as she speaks, "Don't you want to have sex with me?"

Tzuyu raises her head up and glares at her. Her eyes are hard and definite. And she knows that what she's about to say is truly, without a doubt, what she really means.

"No."

Sana's smirk drops. How does she put her feelings to words? Offended? Irritated? The way she said 'no' so surely irks her. Tzuyu doesn't know what she's missing. Sana scoffs. Who cares? Sana doesn't want the money and if Madame Hyerim is going to scold her about it. So be it. If she doesn't work for it, that’s not money Sana wants.

"Fine, I have other customers who would gladly pick up this schedule anyway," Sana gets off Tzuyu, straightening her coat.

"Wait," Tzuyu grips Sana's wrist. It’s surprisingly strong and makes Sana stop in her tracks.

There's a different panic in her eyes. There's desperation. Her nostrils flare up and she bites her lower lip.

"Don't go," Tzuyu pleads. The way she requests almost makes Sana want to give in.

_Almost_.

"I'm sorry, Tzuyu-ssi, but if you don't have any plans to avail of my services, I might as well attend to other people who do."

"Take the money and take the night off then," Tzuyu reaches for the envelope.

"I'm not some charity case," Sana rolls her eyes at her.

"I know," Tzuyu's hand slips away and Sana's skin tingles as the soft touch disappears, "Can't you just… sit with me?"

Time stills for that moment. Sana thinks back on some of her previous customers, the kind like Tzuyu, who seem prim and proper and righteous. Some of them _were_ hesitant, like how they wanted to talk first, get to know her. It’s probably so they feel like if they treat Sana like a real person, they would feel better about themselves. None of them ever really want to get to know Sana. Tzuyu’s probably no different. From the looks of it, she’s a pretty decent human being. Of course, she’d want to extend that personality to her actions. Maybe Sana shouldn’t be so hasty in dismissing her. Her customers, much like Sana, are still people after all.

“Okay,” Sana says, smiling at Tzuyu, “but can you answer one question first?”

Tzuyu nods.

“Do you really _not_ want to have sex with me?” Sana smirks as she sits back down and crosses her legs again, the loose fabric of her coat revealing her legs, the expanse of her flawless white skin glowing in the white lights of the room. Eyes land on them and quickly move up to Sana’s eyes. Sana knows her power. Not even Tzuyu, who seems so uptight, can deny it.

Tzuyu gets up and goes to another room. She returns with a blanket and hands it to Sana. She takes it, but she doesn’t use it to cover herself up, just puts it aside, much to Tzuyu’s dismay. Tzuyu drapes it over Sana’s legs. Sana has to laugh. Most people want less things covering her up. Tzuyu sighs and sips from her cup.

“Am I not your cup of tea?” Sana takes the cup from Tzuyu’s slender fingers, their hands brushing. Sana watches as Tzuyu scrambles to find an answer to her questions. It’s _honestly_ quite adorable.

“It’s not that I don’t,” Tzuyu mutters, “It’s just that I’d rather not.”

It's not really a slip up, but if she reads into it, doesn't it mean that she _does_ want it? Sana giggles, “So you do?”

The way Tzuyu shakes her head is disappointing, “I’d rather not,” she repeats, taking the cup of tea back.

“So, what do you want from me, really?” Sana settles comfortably on the couch, tucking her legs under herself and facing Tzuyu.

“Just to be here,” Tzuyu says firmly, “I’m the only one you’re meeting tonight, right?”

“You’re the one who booked the whole of my Friday night schedule,” her schedules usually last from ten to three. And they usually take place in the massage parlor. Most people don’t want to bring a strange woman into their homes or bother to pay for a sleazy hotel for a night when they can just have sex with her in the reasonable privacy of her workplace. It’s her first time meeting a customer outside of the massage parlor but Madame Hyerim briefed her about how to go about these types of engagements, including tips on self-defense. Madame Hyerim told her never to sleep over at a customers’ place no matter what. Customers know that but they sometimes “forget” and the girls need to take care of themselves in these situations.

"You can spend the night here if you want," Tzuyu grabs the remote control to turn the TV on.

Maybe Tzuyu’s an idiot or just a bad listener. Sana snorts. This woman is strange. Sana watches her watching TV, looking for something interesting to watch. She stares at her profile, how the color of her skin reacts to the change of lighting as she surfs the channels. She really is pretty. Exquisitely crafted by whatever gods she believed in. What is she doing with Sana? She scoots closer. It doesn't seem like they'll be having sex tonight. Maybe next time, if Tzuyu calls her back. She leans her head on Tzuyu's shoulder and pulls the blanket up to her chin. The girl doesn't bother moving away this time, thinking Sana is defeated. It's a comfortable place to be snuggled up though, next to someone who's so warm and who's just the right height. Tzuyu smells like vanilla and honey, like a busy bakery or a small cafe. She puts on a Western cartoon about a boy and his dog traversing a magical land. Sana doesn't think much about it, nor about her weird customer. **  
**


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, I kind of organized my thoughts more or less? Expect more chapters to follooow! I'm not going to promise some award-winning plotline (so we can all manage our expectations lol) but hopefully it satisfies me, as the writer, and you, as the reader, haha.
> 
> Please allow me to speak on a more serious note for a while. I've read the news about (1) Naya Rivera and (2) Grant Imahara yesterday and I'm devastated. Firstly, Naya Rivera played one of the most iconic characters and gave us some of the best performances on Glee. Not only that, she really gave to life Santana's character and really helped young women feel less alone and insecure about their own feelings and identities. Secondly, Grant Imahara was a brilliant man and made such a great contribution to a lot of young people's lives as well. He helped make science and learning so fun. Most of all, they were relevant, impactful people of color and I will never forget how they made me feel so proud of seeing them on screen. I hope they knew the impact they have. Rest in peace.

The sunlight beams through the window and Sana squints her eyes and shuts them close as tight as possible, not wanting to wake up. She hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time. It's not until she rolls over to her side and knocks her head on the hard edge of a nightstand (maybe) does she realize she doesn't know where she is. Rubbing her head, she sits up and takes in the new environment. Finding herself in a small bedroom with cool blue walls should be weird but it’s not. There’s a set of neatly folded clothes on the chair by the vanity table. Sana gets up and checks herself in the mirror. She's still in her coat and her makeup is a bit smudged but other than that, she feels completely well rested. Her hair's a mess but that's one of her charms. Sana tidies it up anyway and puts it over to her right side. 

There's a box of business cards on the table with her customer’s name and position on it. Chou Tzuyu, Junior Associate. Right. She was with Tzuyu. It’s six in the morning when Sana checks her phone. She broke the rules about sleeping over. If she gets back to the massage parlor before seven, Madame Hyerim wouldn’t find out about it and she’ll be fine, she guesses. She should leave soon. Sana picks up one of the business cards and keeps it in her pocket. For future reference.

A photograph is tucked in between the mirror and the wooden frame. It’s of Tzuyu with her parents and her brother, Sana assumes, in some woodsy place. A hiking trip perhaps? Her smile is so bright and wide that it reaches up to her eyes. Sana traces the edges of the photo with her fingertips with a smile. The girl looks adorable there. Must’ve been taken from a few years back.

It's a Saturday morning so Tzuyu's probably at home. Sana takes one more look at her room. There's an adorable set of stuffed animals on the little sofa (that doesn’t have enough sitting space for a human person because of said toys) next to her bed - a large dog, a giraffe, a cow, among others. It’s not unnormal to have these things, right? Sana doesn’t keep things of sentimental value in her room above the massage parlor. She brushes her hand over the soft furry material of the toys before leaving the room.

It's a seemingly familiar sight to have Tzuyu's back against her while she faces the stove. She's dressed in a comfortable pink sweater and gray jogging pants. Sana feels somewhat confident that Tzuyu did nothing to her while she was asleep. She touches her stomach. All her internal organs are still intact. She even has her lingerie on (admittedly a bit disappointed). Even if Tzuyu did drug Sana's coffee, it was a damn good drug. She'd never felt so at peace before. Not in a long time at least.

"Hey," Sana greets, "did you carry me to the bed or something?” she notices a messy blanket on the couch and an extra pillow that wasn’t there last night, “And did you sleep on the couch?”

"You were half awake when I told you to sleep on the bed. I think you kind of sleepwalked your way,” Tzuyu says, “and yes, I slept on the couch. It’s fine though. My feet don’t dangle off the edge much anyway,” she returns her focus on the dish she was preparing. Tzuyu seems to have her life together. Why does she need Sana though? And not even do anything to her? Tzuyu frowns when she notices Sana’s still dressed in her coat, “You didn’t change into the clothes I set out for you. Did you not like them?”

“Oh, I didn’t know they were for me. You should’ve undressed me last night then,” Sana teases, “I’d have put something else on this morning.”

“Your clothes must be stinky now,” Tzuyu ignores her comments and puts the fried rice in two small bowls and smiles at Sana, “Here, you can have breakfast if you want.”

_If you want._

Why does she keep saying things like that? What does it matter what Sana wants? She watches Tzuyu as she places the two bowls on the small dining table with two fried eggs on a small plate in the middle, sitting down to start her meal. She raises her chopsticks up but stops, looking back at Sana, probably wondering why she's just dumbly standing still.

"Did you want meat? Sorry, I only have veggies in the fridge,” Sana didn't even care about the lack of meat or the over-abundance of mushrooms, onions, and tofu. That's not what boggles Sana's mind.

"Why are you doing this?" Sana asks, still standing by the stove. 

“Because you should eat?” Tzuyu raises her eyebrow, as if Sana is asking the dumbest questions, “I’m not going to let you leave on an empty stomach.” These are things Sana’s grandma would say. It’s weird coming from Tzuyu.

“Tzuyu, you know what I mean,” Sana sighs, exasperated by this game they play, “People pay me to have sex with them. Not to have coffee, or cuddle and sleep over, or have breakfast with them the next morning.”

“But –”

“And I don’t want your money if I didn’t work for it. None of the things I did constitute _work_ ,” Sana rambles on, placing her hands on her hips. She doesn’t want to drop this topic till she finds out, “Tzuyu, why did you call me if not to have sex?”

Tzuyu shrugs, looking away, “I want your company. That’s all.”

She seems to be confused with the concept of what Sana is versus what she _thinks_ Sana is, “I’m not _that_ kind of girl, Tzuyu.”

“What?”

“I’m not an _escort_ ,” Sana hisses, not wanting to use more vulgar words with Tzuyu.

“I know,” Tzuyu nods, “Do you want me to pay more? I know escorts charge much higher.”

_How would she know that?_

“That’s not the point,” Sana shakes her head, still curious how Tzuyu could possibly know about escort rates, “Why did you call _me_?”

“You ask too many questions. Just eat the food,” Tzuyu starts eating, not giving Sana another glance. She wants Sana’s company but doesn’t answer her when she asks. Weirdo.

There’s no way out of it. Tzuyu’s not going to give her a straight answer, is she? Sana resigns and sits down across Tzuyu, who smiles at the very defeated Sana. She might as well take the free breakfast and enjoy it. In any case, Tzuyu's safe. She doesn't seem the least bit serial killer-like anyway. Although most serial killers don’t give off that vibe, do they?

“Do you like it?”

“Hmm?” Sana asks, her cheeks full and puffed, making Tzuyu smile. She swallows it all up, “It’s delicious."

The kimchi fried rice does taste good even without meat. She wonders if Tzuyu’s a vegetarian. Is that why she’s so slim? Sana herself maintains a very strict diet to keep her figure. A regular customer once commented off handedly that she had gained weight. Rude. But she couldn’t drop that customer because he paid good money. And what is she supposed to do? Starve? Even if Sana has gained a reputation for herself, she still needs to keep things like her figure and her physical appearance in check. This lifestyle is _not_ pretty, far from it. Sure, it can be “fun”. It’s “easy” somehow. Some customers are nice and lovely. But some are blunt and borderline abusive. Thankfully, she and the girls have Madame Hyerim. She makes sure that the girls are protected and safe, that they have a place to stay, that they get paid enough and are treated well compared to other places. She even insists on them getting regular check-ups at a clinic at her own cost. While Sana has long imagined the life of being an exclusive escort to be so much better in terms of earnings and client treatment, she would lose the sense of community she has built with the girls and the Madame herself. Customers don’t really care about them for the most part, and Sana doesn’t mind. Not like Sana cares about them either. But there is some comfort in knowing that there are people going through the same things as her.

So, when Tzuyu asked if she likes her food, it’s strange. None of her customers bother to ask her what her likes or dislikes are. Sana _definitely_ doesn’t like it when they say offensive words, degrading her to nothing more than just the object of their desires. She likes to keep herself dignified. She’s proud of herself, even if others look down on her.

“At least let me do something for you, make me feel like I earned my pay.”

“You’ve earned it,” Tzuyu pouts. She pauses, really thinking about it, "But I guess you could wash the dishes if that makes you feel better."

It does make Sana feel better. It makes Sana laugh. She knows the girl is serious but, really? Clean the kitchen? Sana would let a pretty girl like Tzuyu have her way with her, let her kiss her on places men have never touched, let her fondle her breasts, squeeze her ass or eat her out. Or the other way around. Whatever Tzuyu pleases. But no… She’d rather have Sana wash the dishes.

Sana rests her elbows on the table after finishing her meal and places her chin on her hand, looking at Tzuyu struggling to pick up the last grain of rice. The look of concentration is cute, her eyebrows scrunched to the middle, her tongue sticking out just a little bit. Sana uses her chopsticks and picks it up for her and feeds her that last grain. It surprises her that Tzuyu takes it in her mouth without any resistance. Or maybe she's just as surprised as Sana because her wide eyes and pink cheeks make an appearance. Sana smiles at her bashful look.

Once she's cleared the table and wiped the dishes dry, Sana puts on her heels and turns to look at Tzuyu one last time before leaving. She's standing behind her, keeping a comfortable distance, with her shoulder against the wall.

"Thank you for staying," Tzuyu says as Sana holds the doorknob. Why is she thanking her? She didn't do anything for Tzuyu. It just feels like she’s taking her money. Might as well rob her apartment and steal her TV or something, "I'll call you again, or email. I don't know how this works."

"Sure," Sana says, without looking back at her possible new regular customer, "and thank you. Maybe next time I can get you in bed with me."

Tzuyu shakes her head, “I’m fine with the couch.”

Sana snorts in reply and leaves her apartment, feeling oddly refreshed.

-

Madame Hyerim doesn’t know anything. Or at least Sana doesn’t tell her anything. This new “very special customer” doesn’t want to have sex and she’s practically getting paid to do _nothing_. Well, on the one hand, Madame Hyerim never explained to her either why this customer was particularly special. Is she the Madame’s friend? Is she a cop from whom Madame is trying to gain favors? The landlady? Sana can’t seem to grasp her mind around the situation. But she’ll keep this to herself for now. Madame Hyerim didn’t ask how things went either. She usually doesn’t. So, it’s not out of the ordinary. She waits for the girls to raise concerns because, as she puts it, it helps build an assertive character. Since when did they sign up for management training?

While Sana made a strong point of _wanting_ to have sex with Tzuyu as being _part of her job_ , she’s honestly quite relieved she gets to breathe a bit. For a whole night too. Spending nearly every night with different men (and, on occasion, a few women) is taxing. Sure, it doesn’t require a lot of mental capacity, but Sana needs to reserve her brain cells for the remainder of the semester.

Sana’s on the train to meet Tzuyu. It’s about thirty minutes from the massage parlor, and she spends the duration studying for her exam on Monday. For once, she’s not procrastinating. It’s not like she can get much done in the subway though. It’s not exactly the most ideal studying environment. But it’s better than nothing. She keeps her book on Behavioral Psychology in her bag before knocking on Tzuyu’s door. Tzuyu’s dressed down tonight, sporting an oversized t-shirt and jean shorts. Sana doesn’t stare at her slender, toned legs for too long because she moves away and asks what could possibly be her usual greeting from now on.

“Do you want coffee or tea?”

"You sound like a barista," Sana notes, divesting herself of her heels and her unclean thoughts, “Coffee, please. Thanks.” Sana doesn’t take off her coat or Tzuyu might kick her out for wearing her black, tight-fitting tube dress.

"I used to be," Tzuyu shrugs and prepares a cup of coffee for Sana. Well, Sana guesses they both have (had) part-time jobs that make them cringe, “I worked at a cafe one summer.”

“By the way, sorry for staying over last time, I’m not allowed to.”

“It’s okay,” Tzuyu turns on the stove with a pot of water atop. Sana follows her to the kitchen-slash-dining area. Her apartment is one big area that’s divided by invisible partitions. But Tzuyu made it clear to separate them for the clear purposes of each “room.” She turns to Sana and says, “I told Madame Hyerim you can stay here and she’s okay with it.”

“You two are chummy, aren’t you?” Sana walks over to her. The girl doesn’t bother answering the question. Typical Tzuyu (1). Did it sound rhetorical? Because Sana is legitimately curious. Tzuyu grabs a sachet of decaffeinated instant coffee powder and pours its contents into one of the mugs, “What did you put in my coffee? I slept like a log.”

“It was mostly milk,” Tzuyu says, stepping back the more Sana inches closer, “Soy milk. I didn’t know if you were lactose intolerant.”

Why is she so considerate? Why does she care if Sana would get sick from consuming dairy?

“I’m not, for the record,” Sana says, resting her hand on the table, dangerously close to Tzuyu’s own. Sana can almost feel Tzuyu’s goosebumps creeping on her skin.

“Good, because I have some green tea ice cream and I don’t want to be the only one eating it when we watch a movie. I got a Netflix subscription,” Tzuyu steps away from Sana and goes back to the stove in an instant. Typical Tzuyu (2). Avoiding any and all physical contact from Sana. Tzuyu wouldn’t even go near the air Sana breathes.

Sana shifts her focus to the rest of the room. There’s a stack of papers on the dining table and an open laptop with a spreadsheet and a word document sharing the split screen. There’s also an open book with different highlights coloring the text. She picks up the book to see its contents but Tzuyu suddenly puts her hand on top of the pages, making Sana jump.

“Don’t turn the pages. I’m still reading that case,” Tzuyu says before stepping away to turn the stove off. Sana looks down to read the book. She doesn’t understand much, but what she can tell is that it’s a court case about tax evasion… she thinks. Sana wonders how much tax she owes the South Korean government. Hell, what about Madame Hyerim and this illegal business? Does she even pay taxes? Is she even recognized by the government as a taxpayer?

“Are you a lawyer or something?” Sana has had customers who were lawyers. They usually have egos that compensated for the lack of other things. And Sana doesn’t like lawyers. They treat her poorly, look down at her like she’s nothing more than a slut. Just as well, Sana thinks they’re pigs anyway.

“No,” Tzuyu says, pouring the hot water into the two mugs. She takes out a carton of (dairy) milk from the fridge and pours it into the coffee, taking up about sixty percent of the beverage.

“Law school then? Isn’t that expensive? Why are you wasting your money on me?” Sana quirks her eyebrow and takes the mug from Tzuyu.

“I’m not wasting my money,” Tzuyu walks towards the table to keep the mess of her things, “And I’m not in law school.”

“Well, I’m not exactly a blue-chip stock investment, Tzuyu,” Sana stops her from clearing the papers from her desk, letting her know that she can just resume her work while Sana’s around, “What are you then? And what’s all this work? Why do you have to bring it home?”

“You really do have a lot of questions,” Tzuyu notes, arranging the papers so they form a neat pile, “I work in legal. They wanted someone who was good with taxes and I fit the bill. I needed a job anyway so I took it.”

“You’re an accountant?” Sana wonders if she should ask about her lack of tax payments and what that could mean for her.

“Not really, I did some accounting work while I was in college,” Tzuyu sits down to resume her work. Sana snorts. Tzuyu had a legitimate job in college while she’s fucking people for money. Oh, how different their lives are, yet here they are. Enjoying coffee and tea together like the best of friends. Tzuyu continues, “But I took up economics. So, I have to study tax laws and stuff to catch up with what everyone’s talking about at work.”

“You could be one, you know? A lawyer I mean,” Sana guesses. She assumes going to law school would be grueling, expensive and might take away years from your life, but Tzuyu seems the diligent type. While she doesn’t look like a boss bitch kind of character you’d see in a courthouse drama, she has a calmness that probably any client would glad to have on their side (unless someone starts flirting with her and she becomes a blubbering mess).

Tzuyu shakes her head, “I’ve seen the lawyers at work. I don’t want to be like them.”

“You’re not them though,” Sana says, hoping Tzuyu can feel the weight of her words, “Isn’t there anyone you look up to there?”

“I guess,” Tzuyu shifts in her seat, “But I don’t think I can do what they do.”

Sana doesn’t press any further although she has to ask, “How old are you anyway?”

“You shouldn’t ask a woman her age,” Tzuyu says without looking up from her screen.

_Dumb excuse._

There’s a plate of strawberries topped with cream which Sana assumes is there for her taking so she eats one, not bothering to ask for permission. Tzuyu doesn’t stop her either.

“Twenty-three,” Tzuyu says when she looks at her for a split-second while Sana sticks a strawberry in her mouth and licks the cream off her fingers. Sana swears she’s not doing it in a seductive manner. It just _happens_ to look that way. Tzuyu’s mistake for looking. Now, she’s blushing like an idiot again.

Sana wonders if she should keep this act up. It’s not exhausting or anything. But it’s not exactly comforting not knowing Tzuyu’s intentions. Even if they do not seem ill in the slightest. There’s always this looming feeling that she’s going to turn the tables or something. That cops are going to barge into this room and point their guns at her and arrest her. Or maybe some henchmen from some underground crime organization might kidnap her and take her to a human trafficking deal. Or maybe— She stops thinking about those things. Tzuyu can’t be a cop or the leader of an organized crime group. But Sana doesn’t flush those possible theories down the drain.

Instead, Sana takes one of Tzuyu’s books that doesn’t have a bookmark lodged in it and reads a random court case just for laughs. She finds herself engrossed, reading a case about a man accused of murdering his wife, thinking “crimes of passion” was just a thing of fiction. Guess reality is stranger than fiction. She closes the book and stares at Tzuyu working, looking absolutely beautiful despite her messy hair tied up in an even messier bun. She’s not wearing makeup and Sana wonders how pretty she’d look with some eyeliner on, or some daring red lipstick. But right now, she just looks so natural, even has one leg propped up on the chair. Sana remembers her ridiculously stiff posture the night before. The stress must be getting to her because she’d forgotten to sit at that ninety-degree angle. Tzuyu rubs the back of her neck with her hand as she squints at the laptop screen, looking very angry at the numbers and words staring back at her.

It gives Sana an idea. Both to relieve Tzuyu’s stress and maybe to add to it. But it will definitely be fun for Sana. She waits for Tzuyu to close the laptop and stretch her arms upward, presumably finished with her work. Sana gets behind her, bending over and whispering, “You look like you could use a massage,” she places her hands on Tzuyu’s shoulders, pressing her thumbs against the tensed muscles on her back.

Although she technically works in a “massage parlor” where she doesn’t give massages, she’d learned a thing or two from the other girls who actually _do_ give massages there. Sana knows where to find those nasty, tense knots and untangle them under her delicate yet strong hands. Tzuyu doesn’t push her or swat her hands or run away in terror. Girl must _really_ be stressed out. Sana then uses her knuckles to press down against her back, between her shoulder blades. Her deep breaths are a good sign. She finds a good spot and applies perhaps just the right amount of pressure that makes Tzuyu arch her back instinctively. Her hands quickly cover her mouth, and she spins her head to look at Sana. She looks adorably red and embarrassed at the moan that escaped her lips.

“Am I that good?” Sana teases. Her fingertips walk along Tzuyu’s shoulders, heading towards her chest.

“Sorry,” Tzuyu says, getting up from her seat and stumbling to go anywhere else other than here. She circles around the kitchen, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Oh, Tzuyu, don’t you know I want to hear more?” Sana grins and holds her arms to keep from walking into the wall or tripping over herself. She has to tilt her own chin up at the taller woman who doesn’t know how to keep eye contact anymore.

“N-no more massages,” Tzuyu stutters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm. I wasn't sure about this chapter if it was too slow or dragging. 
> 
> But let me know what you think so far. I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments! Or hit me up on my twitter @trash_for_twice or whateveeer. Also, not really a requirement for me to proceed with the story but it would be nice if you could spare some coins at my ko-fi (ko-fi.com/trashfortwice). Thank you all for reading and for all the kudos and comments so far! Take care, everyone!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Back with an update! I'm trying to do this as regularly as possible (weekly, at best). Please read and enjoy!
> 
> Also!!! Heads up! There's a mature rating for a reason lol. It's not THAT spicy but just a fair warning haha

“What’s stopping you?”

Sana wraps one arm around Tzuyu’s waist, trapping her in place. She pulls her rather abruptly till their hips meet, and the little squeal of fear or shock or whatever else Tzuyu might be feeling spills from her mouth. Tzuyu leans back so their upper bodies don't suffer the same contact as their lower halves, but, oh, how Sana wants them to feel the agony. Sana places her other hand on Tzuyu’s chin, tipping it towards her. Her breathing is shallow and yet each puff of air smells as refreshing as a summer day, like strawberry iced tea. How is that even possible at this time of day? Sana licks her own lips if only to imagine what Tzuyu’s must feel like.

“What?”

“From having sex with me. You’re already paying me. Your rejection is only egging me on, you know?”

“Is it so hard to believe that someone doesn’t want to have sex with you?” Tzuyu rolls her eyes, acting like she has the upper hand here when her voice is shaky, and her blush is creeping up. Even Sana can feel the heat from her.

_Yes!_

“Are you like, a closeted lesbian?” Sana guesses, “A virgin? Because I don’t mind that.”

“No, no,” Tzuyu shakes her head, “Neither. Why does it bother you so much?”

“Because this is what I do! Does it bother you?” Sana stares at her eyes now, with an intensity she hopes Tzuyu can sense. There is no escape from Sana’s deathly gaze. That is until she lunges forward, just nearly tasting those soft pink lips. But she _can’t_. Sana slams her hand against the wall because it’s the only way she can vent out her frustrations, which was arguably a dumb thing to do because it really did hurt her palm, “Does it bother you when I touch you when I’ve touched so many others?”

“Don’t,” Tzuyu says, barely audible. Is she talking to herself or Sana? She wonders.

Tzuyu’s eyes are darker than usual but still avoiding Sana’s own. They’re much more intense than usual. Sana wonders who’s more dangerous here. Her fists tremble on her sides. They unclench as she exhales, “It doesn’t.” Tzuyu pulls on the collar of her own shirt as if it’s choking her, “This is just something you have to do, isn’t it?” She pulls Sana’s hand away from the wall and looks at her reddened palm and starts rubbing it softly till it returns to its normal shade. Sana fights the warmth creeping in her chest as Tzuyu soothes the pain.

“You’re weird,” Sana pulls her hand away, pouting at the lack of answers. Is Sana supposed to believe that this will make sense someday? Is she supposed to rely on Tzuyu’s silence and inaction? For what?

“I won’t hurt you,” Tzuyu says when Sana has her back turned, “I promise that.”

When she turns to look into Tzuyu’s eyes, they’re sincere again. Soft and warm. As annoying as Tzuyu is, for some reason, Sana believes her.

-

Apart from her job at the massage parlor, Sana needs to find a company that offers an internship program and that would willingly accept her. She’d applied to three different companies, expecting at least one of them to tell her she got the job.

Her first rejection email comes a few days after the submission of her CV. It’s for a position at a psychiatric clinic. The best students intern there, and they say the pay is good (enough) and the experience is worthwhile. At least the email started with _“Great people don't always make the cut.”_ As if that would make it less demoralizing. Sana has to laugh. Though honestly, Sana wasn’t expecting to get in. She has good grades, but not the best among her peers.

The second rejection email comes in a week later. It’s a Friday night. Sana meets her not-so favorite customer. The girl is busy with work again and Sana doesn’t bother asking her the usual questions anymore, nor does she offer her a massage. Sana does, however, throw a few pain relief patches her way.

“What’s this for?” Tzuyu questions.

“For your sore back, or neck, or whatever,” Sana sits on the kitchen counter, swinging her legs, “Since you hate my hands so much.”

“Thank you,” Tzuyu smiles at the small gifts but then frowns at Sana, “but I don’t hate your hands.”

“Yeah, yeah, you just hate my touches,” Sana waves her hand to dismiss the topic, “I have a question though,” she leans back till her head touches the overhead cabinet, waiting for Tzuyu to acknowledge her, “How do you deal with rejection?”

“Is this because I keep saying no to your advances?” the corners of Tzuyu’s lips pull downward in the cutest mix of a pout and a frown. She cracks. She’d never laughed this hard in front of Tzuyu. The kind of laugh that only breaks out when you’re with your friends. Pure, unabashed laughter with snorts in between. True comedy! Tears begin to form in her eyes, and she knocks her head back against the cabinet. The pain is minimal compared to the pain in her gut.

“No,” Sana says in between chuckles once she gains a bit of her composure, “No. that’s not it. Sorry if that hurts your ego as much as it hurts mine,” she sees Tzuyu blushing just a bit. An upward force tugs at Sana’s lips. Tzuyu’s adorable, “I’m expecting a call or email about a job offer is all.”

Tzuyu’s ears perk up like a dog that has been alerted. She turns to face Sana with wide eyes. Sana can’t tell where her shock or confusion comes from.

“Are you leaving me?”

She goes on another laughing fit and almost falls off the counter, but Sana lands on her feet just in time. Thankfully. She’s usually a klutz. Sana goes over to Tzuyu. She doesn’t know what possessed her, but Sana starts pinching Tzuyu’s cheek, “God, you’re so adorable. What are you doing to me?” But Tzuyu looks so genuinely concerned that Sana has to drop her hand and the last bag of laughs left in her lungs, “It’s nothing. I might not even get it.”

Tzuyu hums, thinking of what to say as she stares at the laptop screen, “There’s a saying like ‘when one door closes, another one opens’, right? Is that applicable?” she looks at Sana this time, “I’d received a lot of rejections for scholarships and internships before. It doesn’t really get easier the more you receive them. But I always hope the next one that comes along is the right one for me. So, I hope the right for you is the next one, or the one after. There’s no rush, right? I hope you do get a good job offer soon.”

“Why? So, I can be out of your hair?” Sana pats Tzuyu’s head.

“So, I can be out of yours.”

-

Sana leaves the apartment early in the morning after insisting that Tzuyu sleep next to her this time, to which she eventually agrees after swearing she wouldn’t touch her in any way whatsoever. Sana kept good on her promise. Tzuyu sleeps like a baby, Sana notes when she wakes up that morning next to Tzuyu who seems terribly exhausted from work. Her hand instinctively reaches for Tzuyu’s face, pausing at the last second. No touching. Even if there is no ulterior motive. Sana just wants to feel her soft, glowing skin. How warm must it be? She opts to bop her cute button of a nose instead. Sana leaves quietly not wanting to stir her peace. By the time she gets to the subway on her way back to the massage parlor, she receives the second email.

_We regret to inform you…_

Sana doesn’t need to read the rest of the email. She shoves it in her pocket. The acceptance rate for this particular internship is low too, so Sana doesn’t take it to heart. Why are these places so picky? It’s for a research institute and, just like the first one, only accepts the best of the brightest. How else are students supposed to show their “brightest” if not by their grades? They aren’t exactly the most accurate measure of intelligence if Sana has a say in it. Sometimes, it’s the professors who are a little angry or resentful or just petty and want to see young students suffer and scramble for extra credit. Not all professors are like that but maybe Sana has just been unlucky. And grades don’t exactly take into account a person’s work ethic either. Sana scoffs to herself. She has one more application hanging.

-

It’s her night off so Sana decides to spend it with her girlfriend, who has been awfully neglected. To be fair, Sana has been receiving little to no attention too. It’s not intentional, she thinks. They’ve just been _busy_. They’ve barely sent each other “good night” or “good morning” texts in their time apart, much less “how was your day?” or “did you eat dinner yet?” texts. Sana misses her, of course, but she hasn’t realized it until she sees her. For the most part, having a girlfriend seems like an afterthought with how packed their schedules are. It’s a miracle she managed to squeeze this date in when she could’ve spent it doing schoolwork or catching up on some sleep. She has been running around submitting more internship applications all around Seoul.

“I’ve missed you,” Sana whispers against her ear, trailing a map of kisses along Jeongyeon’s jaw down to her neck then to her chest. Jeongyeon hums, her skin is hot, and her body is tense. Could it be the stress from work? The fact that they haven’t had sex in over two weeks? Has Jeongyeon forgotten the feeling of Sana’s masterful hands on her body? In any case, Sana can help relax those muscles and forget about whatever is giving her such worries tonight, tire her out and make her sleep easy.

Sana has always wondered why people requested _her_ at the massage parlor. Is she so special? So good at what she does? No one ever tells her what makes them feel good when she’s with them. Not even Jeongyeon has ever said why. What makes her scream and pant and beg and quiver under her fingertips?

“Babe, please,” Jeongyeon grips the bedsheets, threatening to rip them apart. Shame. It’s such nice fabric.

Maybe it’s just the way Sana is. How she stares at her lover. How her breathy, sultry voice tickles their ears with dirty words and sweet nothings. How she gives them everything they want, helps them reach that indescribable high while making them climb up slowly, enjoying every single second of pleasure that she gives them. Sana’s a giver and she _always_ delivers.

Sana won’t let Jeongyeon suffer any longer. It’s been a while. Usually, she’d tease her, make her beg. She knows she can handle all the foreplay and the touches and kisses before she gives her what she appropriately deserves. But tonight, she’ll give in. Just this once.

And when Jeongyeon screams her name and digs her fingernails into Sana’s back, scratching her skin, trying to keep herself grounded on this earth, Sana knows she’s done well. Looking at her fucked out girlfriend, gasping for the oxygen her lungs desperately need, Sana’s happy. If she can’t be a great girlfriend outside of bed, she can at least satisfy her lover in the sheets.

-

The weather seems to be gloomy when Sana wakes up in Jeongyeon’s bed. Sana’s not quite fond of gloom and walking in the rain. But she pushes herself up and gets dressed while Jeongyeon was already in the living room, shopping for more random things on the internet. She might have seen a weird umbrella hat on the screen, but Jeongyeon closes her laptop when she sees Sana up and about.

“Hey,” Jeongyeon says rather monotonously, tying her short blonde hair into a ponytail.

“Hey,” she says lazily, finding her spot next to Jeongyeon on the gray couch they’d sit on for so many nights (and made love on for even more nights).

“I wanted to say something last night,” Jeongyeon starts fluffing the pillows on the couch, “but, you know, I got distracted.”

“You mean you kissed me and slammed me against the door the moment we got in? I recall, yes,” Sana giggles.

“Yeah,” she tidies the papers and books on the table, “About that. I was just nervous.”

“Like you are right now?”

Jeongyeon has two habits when she’s nervous or stressed or otherwise mentally preoccupied. (1) They have amazing sex and (2) Jeongyeon cleans everything. Even the books on her shelves have been organized by author name and then by title. And Sana has never seen her stove shining so brightly before. The metal very well shows her reflection.

“What’s wrong?”

But Sana call feel it coming. She anticipates it, clenching her jaw, bracing for impact.

“Let’s break up.”

It’s inevitable, Sana supposes. There always seems to be an expiration date to these things. It’s not unexpected. All the signs were there. The growing distance. The less time spent together. Sex being the only thing that kept them together. It was great though. But those words didn’t come out of the blue. So, Sana guesses it doesn’t hurt that much. And it was fun while it lasted. She doesn’t fight it. Neither does Jeongyeon. It was getting exhausting anyway. This whole thing. They’ve only been together for about six months? A new record for Sana, actually.

“Please say something,” Jeongyeon sighs.

“Ah,” Sana hums, “Can I ask you something then? What made you decide that we should stop this?”

Jeongyeon shrugs, “I think we both know. I don’t think I’m the only one feeling this, right? We’re just… too busy with our own lives. It’s hard to make time for each other. And, honestly, I just don’t know if I see a future with you.”

_Oh, well, that fucking hurts._

“Not because of… what you do. I know you have goals too and that you want to leave your job as soon as you graduate,” Jeongyeon is quick to continue her thoughts, “But I just feel like… our goals aren’t aligned… if that makes sense. I want this for me. You want that for you. And none of that works out for… us.”

Sana can’t really put it into words any better than Jeongyeon can. But she understands. Or rather, she empathizes with Jeongyeon. It’s a strange feeling, she realizes.

“I think the turning point was the last time we met. You were saying how you wanted to keep pursuing a higher education, or a big career. And I thought, ‘Won’t you get tired from the chase?’ I just want to settle comfortably, you know. Not that it’s bad to have dreams and aspirations.

“But I don’t want to see you exhaust yourself when I want you to take it easy. And you’re the kind of person who goes by her own rules. I know you won’t listen to me. You’re stubborn that way.”

No offense, Sana thinks Jeongyeon should’ve added.

“You’re letting it all out now, huh?” Sana scoffs. Jeongyeon becomes sheepish at that, looking away and rubbing the side of her arm, but Sana ends her statement with a smile, “Yeah. Okay, I think this is for the best.”

-

It must be some kind of curse, Sana thinks. That perhaps the fates do not want Sana to be happy and well. Or that this is her destiny. To live and work for Madame Hyerim until such time that she inherits the business by virtue of “being the best and most loyal employee”? Because she can’t seem to find love or get a good job?

When she sees the _“We are sorry to tell you that we will not be…”_ in the email preview, Sana’s sigh is deep and heavy, and it brings her down till her forehead touches the table. The librarian doesn’t even shush her. Sana stops pretending that she’s studying while her mind is going to different places at once. Should she bother interning? She’s already juggling her studies and this “part-time job”. How else can she get a job in her field after graduation without even a little bit of experience?

Sana always wonders what her place is in the Universe, in the grand scheme of things. And maybe this is her place, huh? Just stuck here. She pulls over the hood of her jacket and tightens the drawstrings wishing it would envelope her whole being and just be sucked into oblivion.

One rejection after another. With a bonus heartbreak. She wonders when the other door will finally open for her.

-

After taking a few days off, claiming to have violent diarrhea (the perfect excuse since no one wants to know more details), Sana is back at work and just in time for her weird customer’s schedule. It’s alright, Sana supposes, she really isn’t up for doing anything the least bit sexual (even if _it is_ with Tzuyu… okay, maybe she can make an exception for her).

The girl welcomes her but without the usual coffee or tea question. Instead, there’s a warm bowl _samgyetang_ and some red fruity drink with diarrhea medicine on the side waiting for her on the dining table.

“Madame Hyerim said you were sick,” Tzuyu says, clearing out the papers she’d been working on, while Sana just stands there, staring blankly at the food prepared for her, “You still look a bit unwell. Don’t leave so early in the morning and just take it easy. I have these new pajamas I thought you’d like. They’re nice and warm.”

Sana looks up at her with tearful eyes, hoping Tzuyu doesn’t notice that she’s on the verge of breaking down. Why does Tzuyu _care_? _Just stop._

“I didn’t make the soup by the way. Can’t risk giving you _more_ diarrhea,” Tzuyu shrugs, “I bought it from the restaurant across the street. The _ajumma_ was really nice about it when I told her you were sick. She threw in a little extra ginseng. I don’t know if you’d like it, but I guess it’s healthy.”

Tzuyu’s so chatty tonight. Maybe it’s exactly what Sana needs. And maybe Tzuyu can tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy this chapter? Or were you hurt? Haha I'm sorry! Also, regarding the saucy bit, I'm sorry if it's not as spicy as you'd probably like. I've realized I'm not very good at writing believable smut lol.
> 
> Also!!! If anyone is interested, I've set up a crowdfunding thingy in AFF, where I will TRY to post chapter/s in advance for people who subscribe. (https://www.asianfanfics.com/crowdfund/creator/trashfortwice/overview) If not, you can also visit my ko-fi page and maybe or maybe not drop some coins for me haha (https://ko-fi.com/trashfortwice)! I'm sorry for capitalizing on this!!! It's completely up to you. And if you can't, it's totally fine. Times are tough for all of us.
> 
> Would love to hear what you think of the story so far! Please drop a comment if you'd like or DM me on twitter @trash_for_twice. Thank you so much!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sana prays to whatever gods are willing to listen to her that Tzuyu is so deep in her sleep that she doesn’t hear Sana’s drunken confession.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back with an update! I didn't proofread as thoroughly as I normally would this time. I just wanted to meet my supposed scheduled update haha. So anyway, I hope this is fine. Oh! This fic has reached 1k views and that's crazyyyy. Thank you to everyone reading this!
> 
> Also, thank you so much to everyone who bought me a coffee through ko-fi (am I saying it right?)! It's much appreciated! Like it legitimately makes my day when I get an email that people sent me some coins (and sometimes bills!) haha! Thank you very much! And I hope you enjoy this chapter! (Just want to say that money is not the number 1 factor for me posting stories haha just wanna make it clear. It's just an added bonus to writing. But it really does help :))

The guy saunters off, elated and satisfied. He looks like he’s still in a dream. As he should, Sana _is_ a dream. She gives him a wink, and he smiles, missing the door and hitting the wall. _Idiot_. Once he leaves, Sana goes to the bathroom to shower. That’s the last customer for the night and she’s tired. She still has her term paper due for the first submission to her professor.

“Hey,” Momo calls her while she’s in the bathroom, “Don’t shower yet.”

“Why?” Sana hasn’t even gotten the chance to take her towel off, “You want to save water by showering together again?”

“Ew, God, no,” Momo sounds like she’s about to barf, “That was a one-time thing.”

“Whatever,” Sana says, opening the door, “You liked it.” But when she sees Momo’s rather plaintive expression with her lips pursed and eyes that avoid her own, Sana feels she should stop teasing.

Momo usually keeps to herself with the others but with Sana, she’s an open book. One of Sana’s favorite books at that. So, it’s strange that she’s being so hesitant about whatever it is she has to say.

“It’s Junyeong again. Madame Hyerim says he’s here… asking for you,” Momo speaks softly, “I told her you just finished your shift. But the guy’s persistent, says he has no other free time other than now.”

Sana hates him. His grubby hands and the scent of cigarettes on his skin. His pointed nose and devilish smile. The way his eyes look at her like she’s a meal that he’s about to devour.

The man has been a long-time customer. A lawyer in his mid-thirties with the charisma and good looks of a celebrity. The other girls at the massage parlor envy Sana because they think he treats her so well. Far from it. He seems like a normal functioning man of society with a wife and kids. This is probably his only vice – Sana.

“Oh, guess he finally came back around. Guess I’m just irresistible,” Sana says, trying to play it off as nothing more than a slight annoyance, “It’s okay. I’ll do it.”

Somehow, she hates this too. Hates the way Momo is looking at her with sad, pitiful eyes. She doesn’t have to feel sorry her like this. She can take care of herself.

“Just say no,” Momo hisses, grabbing Sana’s arm before she gets changed, “I know what he does to you. Even if Madame Hyerim is too damn blind to notice. I don’t care how much money he’s paying.”

Sana instinctively wriggles out of Momo’s grip. Just as Momo has been one of Sana’s favorite books to read. She is also Momo’s. They are so in sync. Sana doesn’t need to say anything to get her thoughts across. Somehow Momo can just _tell_. But sometimes she just wants Momo to stop reading between the lines and put the book down. This is one of those times.

“I can take it,” Sana says calmly.

-

Well, at least things are looking up. Sana _finally_ gets an acceptance letter (in the form of a hastily written email with a few typographical errors). It’s for a Human Resource Department position in a manufacturing company a district away from her school. They need an (poorly paid) intern to handle the administrative tasks originally done by an employee who is now on maternity leave that had to start earlier than expected. Sana knows very little about pregnancy except for the prevention thereof so she doesn’t really ask too much about it. She doesn’t have much time to ask about much else either because she has to catch up on the work she has yet to learn and fully grasp with no one to teach her the ropes. But none of the staff have complained about the work she’s done so far so she must be doing something right.

Come to think of it, Sana hasn’t had the time to actually celebrate this small victory. Despite not totally enjoying the work she does there, she’s glad she got the opportunity. At least she gets the legitimate work experience in a corporate setting, which she realizes she doesn’t like. Corporate work is overly romanticized, really. Grey offices, company lanyards, crowded elevators and overpriced coffee in paper cups is not as fun as she’d thought. She’s thankful, regardless. The compensation might not be much, but Sana gets unlimited coffee at the pantry.

Friday comes, and it doesn’t occur to her, until she reaches Tzuyu’s door and sees the girl, just how happy she is to be able to celebrate with her. Sana raises the corners of her lips in a wide grin along with two bottles of soju in either hand.

“Are two bottles enough?” Tzuyu asks. Sana’s not sure if it’s a legitimate question or a joke because Tzuyu’s face is dead serious and her tone doesn’t do much to add to a playful theme, but she smiles pleasantly. And it just makes Sana relieved.

She actually has a full case and a box of fried chicken in plastic bags she placed on the floor because she wanted the dramatics of holding the bottles up.

“You look nice with your hair up,” Tzuyu says when Sana enters her apartment. Sana didn’t even think about it. She left work with her hair up in a messy bun. She’s dressed in a white button-down top with the sleeves rolled up out and a black pencil skirt that hugged her hips perfectly. Classic office slave get-up. Arguably, Sana looks best with her hair _down_ with a slight purposeful messiness to it. But that’s Tzuyu’s taste. And Sana would have been gushing over Tzuyu commenting on her looks, but she wants to share her good news first.

“Thanks?” Sana says, quirking her eyebrow, trying not to look so affected by Tzuyu’s passing remarks, “The reason we’re celebrating is because I got a job!”

Tzuyu brings out two shot glasses from her cupboard and Sana will question their existence later. But right now, she pours the drink for the both of them and they clink the glasses and take their shots. Tzuyu’s drinking habits never passed Sana’s mind before. Mostly because she’d been such an uptight, righteous woman, Sana didn’t think she _had_ any drinking habits. But the girl can hold her own. She even lets out a contented sigh as the warmth of the alcohol drips down her throat.

“Congratulations,” Tzuyu says after a beat, “How’s the work so far?”

“It’s fine. Boring mostly. But it’s temporary though,” Sana clarifies after the soju settles in her gut. They both sit down on the couch, enjoying the buzz from the alcohol and sweet, savory taste of the honey garlic chicken, “Just a part-time thing. But hopefully it opens more doors like you said.”

Sana wonders if she should divulge more information about her life and these probably mundane-to-Tzuyu events. Job application rejections. Recent breakup. Job application acceptance. Weird officemates. These are all so… “normal.” Sana almost feels like she’s a healthy part of society now. Just a little bit more, she thinks.

“You drink very well,” Sana notes when Tzuyu fills up her glass to the brim. Might as well just drink straight from the bottle.

“It’s been a while,” Tzuyu chuckles, the blush spreading across her cheeks. Sana didn’t even consider that a tease. It might be the alcohol.

They watch a dumb romance movie about this man reliving the same awful day of his sister’s wedding. They make a drinking game of taking a shot when something absurd happens at each replay of the day. Should they even argue whether this or that was ridiculous or not? They just take the shot anyway. Sana wonders if they should even play. Tzuyu looks like she’s really enjoying the alcohol more than the game or the movie. She nearly throws the glass at the TV when someone almost stops the male protagonist from getting the girl. Sana laughs and decides to get the glass from Tzuyu, who pouts at her like a child who’d had her toy taken from them for bad behavior. Her eyes are so round and sad. She’s so cute.

There are only two bottles left (from the six she brought) and Tzuyu probably drank the greater half of it. Maybe she has a drinking problem. Or is she a recovering alcoholic? Did Sana just step into something deep? But Tzuyu looks so peaceful in her half-drunk, half-asleep state with her flushed cheeks and random mumbling. Should she sober her up or just let her fall asleep like this? She didn’t change out of her work clothes yet either. There’s a big ribbon tied on the font that just covers the buttons. Sana leans closer and wonders what would happen… if she just… undid the knot.

“Don’t even think about it,” Tzuyu says with her eyes closed.

“I’m kidding. I wasn’t going to,” Sana smiles at her, hoping Tzuyu can tell just by the sound of her voice. It’s still early, not even midnight yet. Tzuyu sleeps later than this. How did they manage to get this drunk? Tzuyu must’ve been _really_ thirsty. Sana goes to the kitchen and prepares the usual coffee and tea they have. Sana’s actually amazed that her motor skills and brain cells are still doing fine and coordinating accordingly. There’s an assortment of various kinds of tea leaves packed in colorful cans sitting in her cupboard. There are other dried… things too. Flowers? Girl makes her own tea mixes? Is it like a cocktail? She’ll have to ask for tea the next time around. But how the hell is she supposed to know which one she likes? Sana searches her brain for any signs of Tzuyu preparing her own cup from the prior nights. But nothing comes to mind. Is her memory failing her at her young age? Instead, she does what a probably normal person would do and sniffs the various cans of tea leaves. Hibiscus. Rose. Lemon. Earl grey. None of these seem right. The safest assumption to make is to pick the one with the least amount in the can, right? Because she has that most often, correct?

The can of genmaicha looks to be the closest to being emptied. So, Sana takes a spoonful of the dried green leaves and puts them in the French press, then firing up the kettle on the stove. Taking a good look at the knocked out Tzuyu on the couch, with her head hung over the backrest and her mouth slightly open, it’s something funny and new to her. Note: Tzuyu exhibits poor posture when she’s stressed and when she’s drunk. She doesn’t let the kettle whistle so as not to disturb the big baby on the couch, just pours the water in the press and in another cup for her own coffee.

Sana settles back on the couch, placing the tray on the table.

“Would you stop this if you could?” Tzuyu asks. She turns to her side, with her legs up on the couch almost in a fetal position, until she’s facing Sana though her eyes are still closed.

“This?” Sana wonders what she means. Because if she means _this_ particular moment or whatever arrangement they have, then no, she wouldn’t stop this even if she wouldn’t be paid for this time. It would be even better without that envelope staring at her all the time, telling her this isn’t real at all.

“What you do,” she mumbles.

“Yes, without a doubt,” Sana shrugs. Tzuyu only nods, “Is there anything you want to do in life, Tzuyu?”

“Me?” Tzuyu shifts in her position a bit, still snuggled up, “I want to see cows at a farm because I’ve never seen one in real life.”

“That’s cute. I’ll take you to my grandma’s farm someday. Does that sound good?” Sana isn’t sure if she really means that or if that’s just the soju making her talk like a kid. Her smile reaches her eyes at the mention of her grandma’s farm. That would be a dream, wouldn’t it? Sana continues, “You know what I want, Tzuyu?”

She groans, “Please don’t say you want _me_.” Tzuyu sits up, her hair a whole mess and her face red from something Sana’s not even sure of anymore. Her eyes finally peer open from their drunken drowsiness. She takes the cup of decaf Sana had initially prepared for herself. Okay. Sana can just drink the genmaicha, whatever that is.

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Sana’s rolls her eyes, “Do you want to know what I want? Out of life?”

She places her bare feet on the coffee table. But Tzuyu swats them away quickly. No feet on the table. Even while intoxicated, she’s so uptight. Tzuyu says yes to her question anyway.

“A normal life,” Sana sniffs her cup of tea. Weird. But kind of nice.

“I think you’d find normalcy kind of sad,” Tzuyu frowns, “I think normal people are some of the worst.” She drinks her coffee much too quickly. Though the hot beverage doesn’t burn her. Was it not hot enough? Or did the alcohol numb her tongue? Is that possible?

“Who hurt you, honey?” Sana laughs as she moves closer to brush Tzuyu’s hair. Tzuyu doesn’t flinch though or swat Sana’s hand away as per usual.

“No one. No one hurt me…” she pauses, and Sana waits, “Do they hurt you?” Tzuyu turns to look at her with a serious look that Sana has never seen before.

It happens quickly. Sana doesn’t expect it. _Fuck no_. Tzuyu grabs her collar and undoes one button. She looks down at Sana’s chest, lightly runs her fingers along the length of her neck, down to her collarbone and then to her chest. Her hand passes a scar and the bruises that Sana had kept concealed with makeup and she wonders if Tzuyu can tell. Sana can’t quite place the crazed look on Tzuyu’s face. She can’t be sure if it’s lust or rage? But definitely something passionate and raw (and kind of hot). But Tzuyu stops as fast as she’d started and returns to her place on the couch, a respectable distance form Sana. She frowns, “Sorry.”

If Sana has ever been confused before, now she just wants to rip her hair off. Or Tzuyu’s hair. What the _fuck_ was she about to do? Why apologize? This is what she’s supposed to _want,_ right? That’s the whole point of Sana being here, right? Why stop? Why turn her on and then retreat?

Sana pushes Tzuyu’s shoulders till her back hits the seat cushion. She hovers over her, angry and confused and wanting an explanation (and maybe wanting to fuck too). Sana’s eyes are blazing red as she stares Tzuyu down whose eyes have started to calm down to what feels like a gentle blue. Sana fights any carnal urges she has the moment Tzuyu’s features soften. Whatever made her blood boil has now dissipated. What is this woman _doing_ to her?

Tzuyu redoes the button for Sana, careful not to touch her now stinging hot skin. She sighs, “I’m sorry. I don’t know what got over me.”

“Your natural instincts?” Sana jokes.

She shakes her head, closing her eyes. A deep inhale of air fills her lungs and she mumbles something inaudible (or incoherent?) that Sana couldn’t catch. And… she’s asleep. Sana thinks. She waves her hand over Tzuyu’s eyes and calls her, but she doesn’t react. Sana even slaps her cheek a bit. Nothing.

Was whatever that was just some drunken haze? Was it even real? Or is even Sana too drunk to differentiate reality from her own fantasies? She stays there, her hands on either side of Tzuyu’s head, staring at her pretty little face.

“I don’t want you like this, drunk and paying for my company,” Sana mutters. She isn’t sure if this is the alcohol, the heat of the moment or something else entirely that’s making her speak out loud, “I want you to want me as much as I want you.”

Sana prays to whatever gods are willing to listen to her that Tzuyu is so deep in her sleep that she doesn’t hear Sana’s drunken confession.

-

Their otherwise restless night turns peaceful after a while when Sana decides to watch some random things on TV at a low buzzing volume, just to fill the silence. She can’t fall asleep after what just happened. But the peace doesn’t last long. Sana decides she should take care of the big baby that had fallen asleep on the couch by attempting to carry her to the bed. She didn’t believe Tzuyu on the first night. Sana doesn’t sleepwalk, as Tzuyu so claimed. If she did, wouldn’t people have told her by now? Surely, Momo would have noticed. She’s certain Tzuyu must have carried her somehow. So, she tests her strength. It was poor decision making at best. But Sana’s still a bit drunk by the time she made up her mind to carry Tzuyu bridal style. To Sana’s credit, she does manage to lift Tzuyu from the couch. Her strength checks out. But her coordination fails. And before she knows it, she’s stubbed her toe against something she isn’t sure of and drops Tzuyu. For the most part, Sana’s fine. She doesn’t dislocate her toe or hit her head against any sharp or blunt objects. It’s Tzuyu she’s worried about because the girl is wincing in pain, holding on to her right leg. But Sana’s not a medic and neither is Tzuyu. So, her first course of action is to rush to the ER, swinging Tzuyu’s arm over her shoulder so she can shift her weight onto Sana.

"It's just a sprain. Don't put too much pressure on it from now on and take it easy," the doctor says, taking down some notes on the clipboard. He writes directions for home treatment and a prescription for light painkillers, if necessary.

Sana has never been in an ER before. It's quieter than she expected. And certainly not as bloody or dramatic as depicted in dramas. Perhaps it's a good night. Or day. She doesn’t know what time it is anymore. The paperwork and administrative part of emergencies is ridiculously lengthy. Sana hasn't stopped apologizing for dropping Tzuyu, saying she doesn't have to pay her for their time together and that she'll cover the hospital bills.

“It’s okay,” Tzuyu says, sitting up on the bed, massaging her injured leg, “I drank too much anyway.”

Sana snorts, “You really did. Had I known about your drinking problem, I wouldn’t have let you drink so much.”

“I don’t have a drinking problem. And I would’ve thought you would get me even more drunk,” Tzuyu smiles. Sana wonders if Tzuyu is still a bit drunk. That wasn’t a very normal Tzuyu comment, was it?

“I’m not going to take advantage of you,” Sana slaps Tzuyu’s shoulder, “You know, I’m just kidding whenever I flirt with you. You shouldn’t fall for people so easily.”

“Excuse me, I _fell_ because you _dropped_ me, remember?” Tzuyu rolls her eyes.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Sana pleads. Suddenly her heart is wrenching in her chest at Tzuyu’s words. Sure, the girl is just kidding judging by the way she’s laughing her ass off at Sana’s pitiful attempt to ask for forgiveness. There are literal tears in her eyes, and she can’t stop them from falling. Not even Sana can explain this sudden gush of emotion. Sana thinks it’s the first time she hears Tzuyu laugh and it’s all because of her tears. _How painful_. Tzuyu pouts and leans in closer to wipe Sana’s tears away. Her eyes are so sincere and kind. So much different from the first time they met. So much different from earlier. She wonders why. It would be foolish of her to think she’s the reason for all the colorful changes in her eyes and her smile, huh? Let’s not get any dumb ideas now. But… it makes her heart flutter and she can’t stop the tickles in her chest and the way it spread throughout her whole body. She feels like her heart could burst any moment by the way it’s beating when Tzuyu is _this_ close. They’re just mere centimeters away from closing the gap between their lips. She shouldn’t. _She shouldn’t._

_I want you._

Sana says in her thoughts. It sounds so loud she’s afraid that Tzuyu can hear it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! No sexy times and I'm sorry about that (again, not good at writing out those scenes tbh). Sorry if this frustrates you as much as it frustrates Sana haha! Hope you enjoyed reading! Please let me know what you think in the comments! You can hit me up on twitter @trash_for_twice. Thank you again!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because if Sana closes the gap between them, if she feels those lips press against her, feels her breath against her skin, she may never recover. And it’s terrifying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! It's quite late on my side of the world haha but here's an update for you guys! Thanks again for reading, for the comments and for the coins yall dropped for me! I couldn't appreciate it more! Enjoy!

“You seem different,” Momo notes as Sana gets ready to leave the massage parlor for her regular Friday schedule.

“Different how?” Sana ruffles her hair in front of the mirror of their shared room, completing her signature “effortlessly pretty” look. She puts on her red lipstick, not too bright, not too dark. Just the right color that makes her lips pop against her fair skin in a natural and appealing way.

“I don’t know,” Momo goes back to reading her book about radiology or something else Sana is unfamiliar with, “Like you seem happier these days.”

“I’m always happy,” Sana smiles, batting her eyelashes and twirling in her heels whimsically.

“Nuh uh,” Momo shakes her head and swats the imaginary pixie dust away from the air between them, “I don’t buy into your bubbly personality. I know you better than that.”

“You do,” Sana closes the cap of the lipstick and smacks her lips together, wiping off any excess off the edges.

“Especially on Fridays. Is she _that_ good?” Momo raises her eyebrow. She _should_ be studying, shouldn’t she? Instead of meddling with Sana’s affairs. Momo doesn’t always meddle. For the most part, Sana tells her everything. _Except_ about Tzuyu. She’s… special. Who knew Madame Hyerim was right about her?

It’s just strange. Somehow, the moment she thinks about telling Momo or Madame Hyerim about Tzuyu, she stops herself. It’s not so much about getting caught for not doing her job while _on the job._ She’s afraid of… spilling… everything. The moment the words leave her lips, it becomes true. And Sana isn’t sure if she can handle the truth.

“I never kiss and tell,” Sana winks and slings her purse over her shoulder, “Don’t wait up!”

“I never do!”

-

Sana doesn’t know when it started. There was no warning sign flashing in her head nor blaring sirens blasting against her ears, yelling “Hey, you’re falling for this weirdo!” Sana had to figure things out on her own. Very slowly. How many sessions did it take? Sana isn’t even sure. In fact, she doesn’t even know what Tzuyu did or has done to make her feel this way. She doesn’t even know if Tzuyu does it on purpose? Is she just so easy to love? Everyone’s probably tripping over themselves falling for her too, right? It can’t just be Sana. And if it isn’t just her, Sana doesn’t want to know.

The only thing her brain did was tell her, “Hey, stop that!” Because Tzuyu’s Tzuyu. She probably treats everyone the same way, right? Nicely. Like a real human being. Maybe that’s how normal people act even around not so normal people like her. Sana’s just not used to it.

“Hey,” Sana says when Tzuyu opens the door, “Let’s go out.”

Tzuyu quirks her eyebrow and pouts. She’d probably just changed into her house clothes and now Sana wants to drag her out on a Friday night where there are possibly so many people out and about. But she complies with an exasperated sigh, “Fine, if that’s what you want.”

They’d never gone out together now that Sana thinks about it. Except for that trip to the ER. But that was different! They go to a nearby pub. It’s relatively quiet except for the sounds of pork sizzling on the grill and the low buzzing sounds of patrons chatting. Sana is reasonably confident she won’t run into any of her customers or classmates from uni. Though she’s arguably safe from the judgmental eyes of her peers should they meet since Tzuyu looks like an utmost decent person. Even on a night out, she chose to wear a long skirt and a comfortable blouse that left _way too much_ to Sana’s imagination. Meanwhile Sana has on a red halter top and a skintight, black leather skirt. All tucked away underneath her classic trench coat.

“I promise I won’t let you drink so much tonight,” Sana snickers.

“I can handle myself,” Tzuyu rolls her eyes.

“I’m treating,” Sana announces, but before Tzuyu can protest, she continues, “under the condition that you order for us.”

“That’s not a very difficult condition to satisfy,” or so she thinks.

Sana has been to this pub a few times. On her own. This is where she goes to have some “me time” especially during the turbulent post-breakup, post-job application rejection period in her life. She’d come by every so often to drink and sob all her worries away. Because crying in her room with Momo just didn’t feel right. Girl is always studying. And if Momo would ask her what was wrong, Sana just wouldn’t feel like elaborating.

Their server is this college student working part-time. Sana knows because she had, on occasion, shared some drinks with the owner. You make friends with strangers when you drink alone. Thank goodness she makes friends with non-weirdoes. The _ahjussi_ said he hired a new waiter because the business is doing well these days and he needs helping hands. Good for him. Sana doesn’t really know the server except that he’s got real anxiety problems (maybe even motor problems?). Sana doesn’t need her not-yet-obtained psychology degree to diagnose this boy’s nervous habits.

“One order of beef,” Tzuyu tells him, “and pork. Two cups of rice. Do you want anything?”

“Just two bottles of soju tonight,” Sana winks at Tzuyu.

The boy nods about twelve times while writing their order down and rushes to the kitchen. It’s a quaint little place where older people go. It doesn’t have that Itaewon glam or Gangnam class. And it doesn’t draw in a crowd like restaurants in Hongdae. But it’s just the kind of place Sana likes. It has sleezy neon lights and posters of beautiful celebrities endorsing soju brands. There’s even a small CRT television set on top of a shelf. Sana had suggested to the owner to get an LCD TV with a wall mount instead because no one can see anything on those tiny screens, but he’d argue drunkenly, and she’d let it pass.

“Why did you want to dine out?” Tzuyu asks, looking around the pub.

“Nothing, I thought we’d just finished watching everything in Netflix already,” Sana says.

“Hardly, we watch like two movies a night at most,” Tzuyu protests, “There’s over nine hundred movies on Netflix. And we didn’t even start any of the series yet.”

“I’m kidding,” Sana rolls her eyes.

“Me too,” Tzuyu says flatly, “Did you think I really counted how many movies there are?”

“You searched it on Naver?”

“Maybe…” she mumbles, “I wanted to look for interesting movies for us to watch. I made a whole list of movie titles and categorized them by genre.”

Sana smiles at her weird customer who doesn’t really know how to make a joke. Or rather has a strange brand of humor that’s not exactly up to anyone else’s taste. Or does everyone find her funny? Sana thinks she’s funny though. Not the “haha” kind of funny. Maybe anything she says just seems funny to her. If someone else said it, Sana wouldn’t care to laugh or even smile or give them the slightest bit of attention. Maybe Sana’s just blinded by the filter she fit in her eyes that makes her see Tzuyu in this light that makes her seem like she’s funny and like she’s everything good in her world. Perhaps she really is.

“I picked the ones that I thought would interest you,” Tzuyu continues, “But I wasn’t sure what you liked. I figured you liked that romantic comedy we watched before, so I centered around those types of movies. Is that what you like?”

“They’re nice. I don’t have to think so much about the plot and themes, and I can just laugh at the bad acting,” Sana grins, thinking back on that night that ended in an unfortunate trip to the hospital, “But if we’re talking about movies that I _do_ like for plot and all? I guess something like _Moonlit Winter_. It was just so,” Sana grasps the air between them with her fist, trying to find the right words to give justice to the tale, “calming. Comforting. You should watch it.”

“Noted,” Tzuyu smiles, literally taking a note down on her phone. She’s damn serious.

“Hey,” Sana says after a quick minute, starting a new topic, “What did you do on your Friday nights before you met me?”

Tzuyu scrunches her nose. Is this her thinking face? It’s too cute, “Pretty much the same thing.”

“Doing your take-home work and watching movies?”

She nods, “And you?”

“Work,” Sana shrugs.

“Right, sorry,” Tzuyu scratches her head, ever so slightly embarrassed by her usual quirky insensitivity. Sana doesn’t mind.

“It’s fine. But don’t you ever go out to party?” Sana laughs, trying to imagine Tzuyu out clubbing with strangers and drinking various mixes for fun because that is definitely not the Tzuyu she knows, “I know you seem like a real homebody but have you ever been to a club? You’re in your roaring twenties. Shouldn’t you be out having fun?”

“The club is noisy, and people are always rubbing up against you,” Tzuyu cringes. Sana quirks her eyebrow at that. So, she _has_ been to a club, “It was with friends from work. And I have more fun at home.”

Their server arrives, his hands shake as he carries their (wrong) order. Sana says nothing and waits for Tzuyu to correct him. And she does so. Very nicely. Very politely. She really is just _that_ kind no matter who she’s talking to. He returns with the correct order this time. He comes back a bit later with their drink order and it’s his legs that are shaking this time. Sana swears this wasn’t her plan. She just wanted to see Tzuyu react to an unpleasant service experience. Sometimes that’s how a person shows their true colors, right? How was she supposed to know that he would trip over himself and drop the drinks and spill the alcohol over their table? Finally, someone clumsier than Sana herself. Sana supposes this is the ultimate test to see if Tzuyu would go ballistic over a mishap like this. Sure, she’d probably restrained herself when Sana had inadvertently dropped her and injured her because Sana is someone that she sort of knows. But with a stranger? Tzuyu could snap at him if she wanted to.

“Are you okay?” Tzuyu asks the server first. He scrambles to get some napkins for them. They’re dry for the most part. The soju spilled on the table and Sana quickly stops the liquid from spilling over the edge by covering it with the napkins he gave them, “Be careful next time.”

She’s so calm and collected that even Sana herself doesn’t bother to smack the boy’s head. What was she expecting though? That Tzuyu would treat this boy like some idiot who can’t do his job, right? No, she wasn’t expecting that. She has been right all along. There isn’t an ounce of ill intent in Tzuyu. No foul motives. Does she even know how to cuss? She’s just so… nice. Is that simply it?

“Let’s go to a club then,” Tzuyu says while grilling the meat. Sana’s eyes widen at the suggestion. Tzuyu _hates_ noise and clubs. Why would she suggest such an outlandish idea? “You want to go, right? It’s still early. We can go after we eat.”

Oh.

_Oh. For me?_

This girl would go through something she hates for Sana? Well, fuck.

“And have other people rub up against you when I can’t? No, thanks,” Sana laughs, trying to fight the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. Somehow, it makes Sana feel worse. She really doesn’t deserve Tzuyu.

-

“Do you like her?” Momo asks.

“Who?” Sana asks like it’s the most obvious question in the world.

“Your Friday Girl,” Momo rolls her eyes, switching off the desk lamp to look at Sana. It’s one of those serious conversations Momo likes to have just before Sana leaves to meet her, as she so put it, _Friday Girl_ , “You seem… oddly fond of her.”

“Seems more like she’s oddly fond of me, don’t you think?” Sana smirks, turning the tables. Momo only scoffs at that.

“Didn’t she try to get your Wednesday schedule too?”

“Why does Madame Hyerim tell you these things?” Sana snorts.

“Nope. I overheard her on the phone. She’s kind of loud,” Momo says. It’s true.

“Why are you so worked up about her anyway? Are you jealous?” Sana teases, straightening her coat and having one last good look at herself before leaving the room.

“Ew, no,” Momo rolls her eyes. Half their conversations are just eye rolls, really, “I’m just worried.” Eye rolls and concerned sentiments.

“Worried?” Sana snorts, “What for?” She feels a pang in her chest. Is she so obviously in some trance? Do her eyes look like hearts whenever she leaves to meet Tzuyu? Has her façade so easily been broken?

“That your Friday Girl might become this possessive, obsessive client. I’ve seen it happen! Creepy stalkers and all that,” she exclaims with genuine concern.

Whew. Not about her feelings and the inevitable falling in love with Chou Tzuyu. Safe.

“I’m _fine_ , okay? Don’t worry about me,” Sana pats Momo’s head like she’s a little girl.

-

This Friday is particularly special. Tzuyu has been planning it since last week. She went all out too. After a trip to the baking depot downtown, she bought everything they needed to bake a cake. Sana arrives with the ingredients neatly arranged on the counter. Tzuyu smiles at her ever so brightly as she hands Sana an apron. Sana has never cooked a day in her life to be quite frank. Cup ramen doesn’t count. Maybe fried eggs? Does it count that the yolk breaks whenever she flips it over? Or there are pieces of eggshells in it? Boiled water? In any case, the kitchen and all its wares are not Sana’s forte. And neither are they Tzuyu’s. While Sana had the impression Tzuyu has her life together the first time they met, with her cooking the kimchi fried rice and all. It’s apparently the only thing Tzuyu knows how to cook by heart. Tzuyu’s ready to expand her repertoire of dishes starting with baking a cake. It’s ambitious, isn’t it? Sana thinks so. In fact, Sana thinks they’re going to fail in some way. But Tzuyu wants it and, well, Sana can’t say no to her beaming smile.

“Beat the eggs and sugar until they reach this consistency,” the YouTube chef instructs in the video on Tzuyu’s phone. They both stare at it intently before starting. Tzuyu doesn’t have an electric mixer so this is going to use _a lot_ of elbow grease.

Once the egg mixture has reached _that_ consistency, they fold in the flour, add the milk and butter, mix it some more. But not too much! It’s mostly Tzuyu doing the mixing and checking if the batter is right. Sana’s just measuring the ingredients. A very important task. No sarcasm! When the batter is done, Tzuyu fills the cake pan and puts it in the oven. Sana starts the little egg timer that Tzuyu bought from the baking depot. It looks like an actual egg and once the time runs out, it’ll pop open in half and a little chick shows up. Tzuyu just _loves_ cute things, doesn’t she?

“So, what do you say? Are you going to start a bakeshop soon?” Sana says wishfully, as she places all the mixing bowls and measuring cups in the sink, after insisting that she should be the one cleaning up. She’s still getting paid to do nothing after all.

“Ask me again after the hundredth attempt,” Tzuyu laughs as she wipes the counters and the table clean.

It’s so strange. This _weird_ domestic-like set up. Like they’re playing house, and this is some cruel game. Like this is all a hidden camera prank and the MC is going to jump out of the closet to tell her she’s won a million won. This is not _her_ life, is it? She can’t just bake her way to a happy life with this girl. It seems too good to be true.

And what if she stays? What if Sana just stays because she loves Tzuyu? Is this love? This can’t be. This is all fake. Tzuyu is still paying her to be around, still handing her that envelope that weighs a ton every time she brings it to Madame Hyerim. With every single word of gratitude Madame Hyerim gives her, her shoulders feel heavier and heavier with the weight of reality.

Sana needs to get it out of her head. Throw these feelings away because Tzuyu won’t reciprocate them. What does she even mean to Tzuyu? And even if she does mean anything at all, Sana doesn’t deserve her. She’s _too good._

“Yah! That’s dry enough,” Tzuyu pokes Sana’s cheek. She was spacing out, drowning in her thoughts of Tzuyu. The bowl she was wiping dry could have caught fire by how much she was rubbing it with the cloth, “You’re so out of it tonight. Are you sick?”

Tzuyu places her hand on Sana’s forehead. There it is again. Her caring eyes and her hand that can’t seem to stop making sure Sana’s okay. What for? Why is she doing this?

There’s a dab of batter on Tzuyu’s nose when Sana looks up at her. How is it that this girl manages to be so caring and thoughtful towards Sana but she’s still a big baby who can’t keep herself clean and sleeps on the couch from drinking too much? Sana chuckles. Maybe just a bit. She’ll tease her again. That’s her thing, right? Sana takes Tzuyu’s hand and pulls her closer. The girl stumbles and nearly crashes into Sana. Her face turns into Sana’s favorite shade of red. Sana wipes the batter off her nose with her index finger.

“Don’t eat it. There’s raw egg.”

_Oh, Tzuyu._

“Of course, not,” Sana smiles, bringing her arms up to wrap around Tzuyu’s neck. In all honesty, it’s been a while since Sana tried to get Tzuyu to sleep with her or even flirt with her like this, invading her personal and wriggling her eyebrows as if to insinuate her otherwise inappropriate intentions. She would’ve thought Tzuyu’s reaction would be the same – to push Sana away and scurry off to hide away from her clear blushing embarrassment. She doesn’t this time. Is this still part of their game? Are they still playing?

“You shouldn’t flirt with people so much,” Tzuyu says calmly. The calmest she has ever been in such proximity with her. Meanwhile Sana’s the one choked up.

The tables _have_ turned it seems.

“You’re the only one I flirt with though,” Sana manages to say. She looks up at her. It’s a new feeling. She’s never felt scared of being so physically close to someone until now. It’s not so much the closeness that she’s afraid of. It’s the consequences tied to it. Because if Sana closes the gap between them, if she feels those lips press against her, feels her breath against her skin, she may _never_ recover. And it’s terrifying.

_Ding!_

Saved by the bell. The top of the egg timer pops up and the chick emerges. Sana detaches herself from Tzuyu in an instant. Tzuyu doesn’t seem as flustered or dazed by Sana as much as before. But it does take a few seconds before her wires start working and she rushes to turn off the oven and take out the cake.

Safe to say, the cake failed. It didn’t rise and they both try to troubleshoot the problem. Must’ve been the consistency that they didn’t achieve. Regardless, Tzuyu is happy. So, so happy. And it makes Sana smile just as brightly.

“This just means I can try again, right?” Tzuyu laughs. Her positivity is contagious.

“Until what? Your hundredth attempt?” Sana picks off a piece of the cake with her fingers. It tastes delicious anyway.

“I hope you get to try the one hundredth cake I bake then,” Tzuyu smiles.

Sana swallows hard, “I hope so too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo! This wasn't exactly my favorite chapter to write. It seems almost like a "filler" chapter but I have a purpose for it though! So keep your seatbelts fastened because we still have some important plot points to cover!
> 
> Please leave a comment! I'd love to know what you think of this chapter and the story so far. Hit me up on twitter @trash_for_twice if you want to yell at me or discuss or anything at all. We can be friends! Or drop coins at http://ko-fi.com/trashfortwice haha. Thank you so much for all the support! Stay safe, fam!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You breathe through your nose, not your mouth, sweetheart,” Sana teases, tilting her head to the side, getting into just the right position for them to lock lips. She thinks Tzuyu has stopped breathing at this point, from either nose or mouth. Sana holds on to her waist, tiptoes just a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm back! It's not Monday but I'm over two weeks late anyway. Today, I offer you Chapter 6! Thank you for waiting with respect and I hope yall enjoy it!

Momo was wrong though. She shouldn’t worry about Sana having a creepy obsessive, possessive customer-turned-stalker. Because it should be _Tzuyu_ who needs to worry about Sana becoming the creepy obsessive, possessive stalker. This definitely wasn’t her idea of how she would spend her night off – standing outside Daega Food Corp. in a suspiciously oversized black hoodie and a similarly suspicious black face mask. 

She wonders what time Tzuyu gets off work. It’s Wednesday and it’s already eight in the evening. Shouldn’t she at least go out for dinner? 

Sana sighs to herself and sits down on the edge of a plant box nearby. Since meeting her, Sana has been doing a number of questionable things – accepting a customer who lets her do _nothing,_ spending numerous nights in a customer’s home getting a peaceful and restful sleep, baking a cake without prior knowledge of baking or cooking, and attempting to lift a grown woman taller than herself off the couch to carry her to bed. And now, stalking said grown woman as she exits her office to go do whatever it is she has planned for the night. And for what? What is Sana trying to achieve? 

It all started with these general wonderments, really, about whether Tzuyu was telling the truth about her life and Sana’s general distrust for anything more-or-less strangers tell her. Because even though Tzuyu has become this growing presence in her life and has proven to be quite the harmless little angel, Sana can’t seem to shake off the unease. Or at least that’s what she tells herself. But somewhere in the chasms of her heart she knows that’s not the reason. And as much as she likes to deny it, Sana just wants a reason not to like this girl. 

Somehow, she thinks some part of this is untrue. All her stories. All her niceties. And maybe whatever _is_ true will reveal itself and all these dumb fluffy feelings, threatening to spill over will go away. Whatever that truth may be. Ugly or not. 

A flock of corporate slaves exit the building, chatting and separating as they reach the sidewalk, bidding their goodbyes as they head home or wherever else. One of them is Tzuyu, who walks off alone once she reaches the corner when her colleague crosses the street. Sana treads lightly a few feet away from her. There are still a lot of people walking about in the city, so it’s fairly easy for Sana to blend in. It’s also fairly easy for Tzuyu to blend in with her black blazer and a pencil skirt. She just looks like everyone else heading home from the office. 

Sana has been following her for a few minutes now and wonders where the hell this girl is going because she’s definitely not on her way home. Sana has been there enough times to know how to get there from any subway line. Tzuyu turns left into a small back alley and Sana is dumb enough to follow. Again, questionable things. 

But when Sana enters the tiny space between two buildings, Tzuyu is nowhere to be found. It’s a dead end and the only things surrounding her are some dumpsters and haphazardly placed trash bags. Maybe she’s just lost her mind, Sana thinks. She should leave. This is crazy enough as it is. Never would she have thought she'd find herself in a relentless chase stalking her customer. She turns on her heel but her body is roughly pushed against the grainy wall, and her own arm is twisted behind her, rendering her completely immobile, stunned and dumbfounded. The attacker takes Sana’s other arm and presses it against the wall. Madame Hyerim taught her and the girls a thing or two about how to handle situations like this. But in the moment, one really cannot remember how to go about escaping a kidnapping. 

“Who are you? Why are you following me?” Tzuyu hisses behind her. 

_Good God._

“Tzuyu, it’s me! Sana!” she taps the wall incessantly until she releases her. 

“What are you doing?” Tzuyu asks, almost angrily as she lets her go. 

“Nothing,” Sana clears her throat and takes off her face mask, “Where did you learn to do that?” 

“Self-defense class,” she says matter-of-factly, “Were you following me?” 

“No, no, no,” Sana shakes her head furiously, “I was… I wanted to say hi, but you walk too fast.” 

Tzuyu nods. Wow. That was believable? 

“Hi.” 

“Okay,” Sana pats her hoodie as if dusting off whatever non-existent dirt had attached itself to her in that ruff, “I’ll see you around.” 

“Why were you following me?” 

“I wasn’t,” Sana rolls her eyes, “I was just… in the neighborhood.” 

“Mmm-hmm,” Tzuyu hums, brushing Sana’s usual messy hair that had gotten messier, “I don’t believe you.” 

“You’re so full of yourself,” Sana laughs, stepping away so Tzuyu can’t touch her hair, “Bye.” 

Sana puts her hood up, pulls the drawstrings so it closes around her face and turns around to leave.

“Do you still not trust me?” 

Trust? Isn’t that a funny thing to ask? 

“Would you trust _you_ if you were in my position?” Sana looks at her over her shoulder. Tzuyu stays quiet. Because _all of this_ is not normal. It’s not a simple situation you can just trust someone with, “Yeah, didn’t think so.” 

“How do I earn your trust?” Tzuyu reaches for Sana’s hand, holding it with both of hers, like she’s pleading for it. 

“To earn my trust? Did you want to pay for it too? Is that what it is? A commodity?” Sana scoffs, slipping her hand away, “My body may be, but not my trust.” 

“That’s not what I meant,” Tzuyu huffs, “I don’t know why you’re so mad at me.” 

“I’m not!” Sana nearly yells and it really doesn’t deliver the message that _she is not mad at Tzuyu,_ “I want to understand… That’s it. You’ll answer every question I have except for why you hired me!” Sana starts flailing her arms around just to project her anger at the world, instead of throwing it at Tzuyu, “I’m sorry I’m still on it. I’m sorry I can’t get over it. I’m sorry for running around town, following you to wherever the hell you’re going just because I want to debunk my biases… I’m just looking for a reason…” 

_Not to love you._

“I just want you to stay for a while,” Tzuyu says softly, so softly it makes Sana’s chest ache because of how loud and angry she was, “by my side.” 

She looks up at Sana with eyes so kind yet so sad that she can’t help but, yet again, admit defeat. Because that’s not a good enough reason for Sana to stay and act like her friend when she knows in fact that she’s not, that this is just a business transaction, that the pain in her chest continues to sting and spread whenever she thinks about how this is probably _nothing_ to Tzuyu. Yet here she is swallowing it with her whole heart. That this will have to do. 

“You want to earn it? My trust?” Tzuyu nods, her eyes brightening up at Sana's change of heart, “Kiss me.” 

“Hmm?” Tzuyu’s eyes widen and the apparent blush appears on her cheek once more, even in the dim streetlights Sana can tell and it’s as adorable as ever. 

“You heard me. Kiss me,” Sana’s cheeky smile paints her face. She knows Tzuyu won’t do it. 

But it won’t hurt to test the limits. 

“T-There’s no direct correlation between y-you trusting me and me k-kissing you,” Tzuyu stutters, looking away from Sana and circling around in place, trying to formulate some adequate reasoning behind it. And, really, there is none. “There’s no…” she stops and stares at Sana, who can’t stop smiling at the flustered mess of dorkiness and panic, “… correlation…” her feet shuffle forward and she enters Sana’s bubble of personal space. 

The limit has been reached. 

Tzuyu stares at Sana’s lips. She swallows hard before parting her own lips. Sana can feel her breath, the way she leans in closer is making her own heart beat faster. 

Will she break the limits? 

“You breathe through your nose, not your mouth, sweetheart,” Sana teases, tilting her head to the side, getting into just the right position for them to lock lips. She thinks Tzuyu has stopped breathing at this point, from either nose or mouth. Sana holds on to her waist, tiptoes just a bit. She flashes her a smile and kisses Tzuyu’s cheek. A small innocent peck that has Tzuyu burning red. She might just faint. So Sana wraps her arms around the back of her neck, “I bet your self-defense class never taught you how to stop a pretty girl from stealing a kiss.” 

She must have forgotten how to speak now because all Tzuyu has been doing is staring at Sana and it’s starting to get weirder. Sana shifts her weight onto Tzuyu and presses herself against her body in a nice, _innocent_ hug, resting her head on the other’s shoulder. She’s glad she’s taller than herself. For some reason, Tzuyu’s shoulders relax and Sana can almost feel her breathing even out and her heart beat normally. Or it could be her own.

“You’re not running away?” Sana asks, digging her chin into Tzuyu’s shoulder. 

“Hmm? No, I’m used to it.” 

“Me hugging you?” Sana raises her head and pulls back from the said, oh, so comfortable hug. 

“Yeah? You do it all the time when you sleep,” Tzuyu recalls, “I tried to shake you off the first time. But you really like to cling onto something when you sleep. I tried putting a pillow between us. It doesn’t work.” 

“Why are you always saying I do these weird things when I’m asleep?” Sana rolls her eyes and lets go of Tzuyu, who has apparently already been enveloped in her hugs on more than one occasion. 

“You do. I wouldn’t lie,” Tzuyu frowns and it’s so annoyingly adorable. 

“Whatever,” Sana steps out of the dark, probably dangerous alley, “Do you want dinner?” 

“I have to do my grocery shopping first,” Tzuyu checks the time on her phone. 

Sana invites herself to this mundane chore with her favorite customer. She didn’t think grocery stores still opened this late. Maybe just this one. It’s relatively big. Is this the one that Tzuyu frequents? Perhaps. Since it’s relatively near her office and, well, it’s still open. Sana insists she pushes the cart for Tzuyu just so she can be useful and also so she can trail behind her and _not_ stare at her ass or anything. Why did she have to wear a pencil skirt and heels? 

They check off the items one by one on the list. Spam. Laver. Eggs. The rather long sub-list of vegetables. Tofu. Shampoo. Conditioner. Sana finally knows what brand she uses because, wow, her hair smells amazing. And that’s not a creepy comment at all. Sana notices something. That Tzuyu takes an awful long time reading the labels and nutrition facts or whatever on the packaging. Sana doesn’t bother asking her why though. Just quietly stares at her, mostly because she wants to enjoy the view as much as and as long as possible.

Tzuyu even asks what brands Sana uses for this and for that. Like her lotion which for some reason “always smells nice”. Sana has to laugh. Guess she’s not the only creep between the two of them. She doesn’t openly comment about it though because Sana would very much like to know what other scents of hers Tzuyu enjoys. 

They pass by the dog food and discuss which one they _would_ get for what kind of dog. They don’t even have dogs. What are they even talking about? And what if one of them did? Or what if _they_ did? 

It’s kind of nice. Doing chores with Tzuyu. Baking with Tzuyu. Drinking with her. Sleeping _next to_ her. Imagining owning a dog together and arguing which brand of dog food to buy. And all these little things. Sana is brought back to her thoughts that this is not real. It’s temporary… But what if it isn’t? She wonders for a moment. 

_What if it isn’t?_

Can she just stay? Leave the massage parlor and graduate and get a normal day job. Tell Tzuyu she has inevitably fallen in love with her. And they can live happily in love together in her quaint little apartment where they continue to do chores and bake and drink and sleep _next to_ each other. Wouldn’t that be nice? 

“Fuck!” Sana hisses and crouches behind the metal crosshatches of the cart, as if that would be a good hiding spot. She squats down and pulls her hood up while facing the aisle stacked with… canned tuna. Tzuyu joins her in their uncomfortable squatted position in front of canned fisheries. 

“Why are you cussing?” Tzuyu whispers.

“Why are you hiding with me?” Sana hisses in reply

Sana turns her head slightly. Through her periphery, she sees one of her regular customers, whatshisname, walk past them with his girlfriend as they talk about the weekend getaway that they’re going to have together. How lovely. He has on a blue lanyard that swings from side to side across his body. Daega Food Corp. 

_Oh._

The realization comes in a bright flash. Almost like the big bang, a meteor strike that just destroys all of Sana’s whimsical hopes in the same moment she had just imagined it. The Universe really doesn’t want Sana to be happy, huh? Not even in her own damn head. 

She can’t _be_ with Tzuyu even if she wants to (and, oh, she really wants to). Men _know_ her. And these _men,_ they're everywhere. Someone's brother. Someone's friend. Someone's _colleague_ at work.

There was this incessant fear and nagging in Sana’s mind when she’d started this. That everyone knew about it, that they’d judge her for it. If she’d walk down the street, some guy would recognize her and they’d know what she does. And for the longest time, it kept bothering her, eating her away at night. And even if she’d learned this lesson in her psych classes. Things like the spotlight effect or the self-as-target bias or the illusion of transparency. That really, no one gives a damn about you. People aren’t staring at her or judging her and they don’t recognize her. People are much too focused on their own shit to give a damn about her. It calmed her mind a bit.

But when she looks at Tzuyu, crouching along with her, Sana wonders if she knows why. Sana really can’t bring it upon herself to make Tzuyu carry around this baggage. And if the small population of Sana’s customers and Tzuyu’s acquaintances intersect in the small almond shape of two connected circles in a Venn diagram, how is Sana’s want to be with Tzuyu going to win over her somewhat rational thinking that this isn’t good for Tzuyu? Because people will talk and gossip and say shit about Sana _and_ Tzuyu.

And Sana can’t let that happen, can’t subject Tzuyu to that kind of psychological turmoil now, can she? 

“I’m a slut,” Sana whispers to herself. 

“What?” Tzuyu tucks her hair behind her ear, hoping that will help her hear better. 

“Nothing,” Sana gets up once she notices that whatshisname turns the corner to go to the next aisle. 

\- 

“You didn’t have to bring all the bags,” Tzuyu says when they reach her apartment. 

Sana managed to carry three bags without snapping her arms. Why does Tzuyu need so much milk anyway? 

“It’s fine,” Sana says coolly like her muscles didn’t just get a rigorous workout after climbing four flights of stairs. 

“Do you want to stay? It’s late,” Tzuyu says, “It’s not Friday but you’re always welcome.” 

“And you get my cuddles for free?” Sana smirks, “I don’t think so.” 

“But I bought enough dumplings for two people from the company cafeteria,” she argues. 

You really can’t win in an argument with Tzuyu when she’s pouting and raising two packs of steamed _mandu._

\- 

Tzuyu says it’s late. And Sana doesn’t really mind. She does work the night shift after all. It’s not like she never walks the streets or rides cabs with creepy drivers in the dead of night. But how can she pass up a night of sleeping _next to_ Tzuyu without the weight of her service fee hanging above her head? Sana wonders how many extra pairs of pajamas Tzuyu keeps in her apartment because there’s always one extra pair just for her. 

It’s a bit of a tight fit in Tzuyu’s bed but they’ve grown accustomed to it already, especially Sana apparently, whom Tzuyu claims to be a cuddle monster. They lie next to each other, staring at the ceiling. The lights are off. And as much as Sana “distrusts” Tzuyu and whatever her intentions are with her, she wonders how in the world Tzuyu trusts Sana. How can she trust her not to touch her? Or steal her money? Or just rob the place? How can Tzuyu be so very willing to let a complete stranger into her home, wear her extra clothes and lie next to her at night? Is she stupid? Naïve? 

“What are you thinking about?” Tzuyu says softly, eyes still glued to the ceiling. 

“About how silly you are,” Sana snickers, “You?” 

“About how stubborn you are.” 

“I could say the same about you,” Sana snorts, “I’m just flattered you’re thinking about me at all when I’m right next to you,” she lets a beat past, “Did I make you blush?” 

“No,” but Tzuyu turns her face away for safe measure. 

“Hey,” Sana turns to her side to face Tzuyu. It’s dark but the curtain-filtered lights from the city outside shines dimly for them. Sana asks, “What would you do if I never stop working for Madame Hyerim?” 

“There is no such thing as ‘never’, don’t you think?” Tzuyu says, looking at Sana. Those pretty brown eyes glow in the dark. How Sana wishes to stare at them the whole night, “But if that is the case, I would still have to get your schedule I think.” 

“And if I stopped working for her, would this all stop too?” Sana holds her breath. She doesn’t want to know. It takes a brief moment of thinking for Tzuyu to come up with an answer. 

“If you want it to.” 

There it is again. Sana snorts and turns to face the ceiling again. It doesn’t really answer her question. Way to lawyer her way out. Somehow, it’s exactly the answer Sana wants and expects from her. Ever so considerate of Sana’s feelings. Even if it might be painful, Sana does want to know. What does Tzuyu want? 

They lie together in silence. A few minutes have passed, and Sana thinks Tzuyu has fallen asleep, so she gets up and sits on the edge of the bed, staring at nothing. She really shouldn’t be staying over. 

“Where are you going?” Tzuyu almost whines. Sana’s not sure if she’s ever heard her complain like that. 

“I should go now,” Sana says quietly, her voice is soft. 

“Stay,” Tzuyu sighs and turns to her side to face Sana, but she refuses to look at her because she _knows_ Tzuyu would have some sad-looking expression like an abandoned puppy and she doesn’t have the heart to refuse her. Tzuyu’s hand finds her wrist. Her touch is warm and inviting. The way her fingers wrap around her skin makes her want to give her everything even if she has nothing to offer. Sana swallows the lump in her throat to speak but Tzuyu beats her to it, “I’ll cuddle you.” 

Sana lets out a quiet chuckle. This girl. She’s crazy, “Is that a bribe? Or a threat?” 

She looks at Tzuyu over her shoulder and she’s pouting adorably. Really, who could say no? So she lies back down, facing her. Tzuyu doesn’t move away, just avoids her gaze. The blush is evident even in the dark. But there’s a sad look in her eyes. Something apart from Sana’s attempt to leave seems to cause it. Or at least Sana would like to think so. Sana wouldn’t want to think she’s the reason for that sorrowful look. Tzuyu has other things to worry about than Sana leaving her at night, right? 

“Where’s my cuddle?” Sana teases, poking Tzuyu’s side, and it brings out a small smile on her face and it makes Sana feel good inside. Tzuyu wraps one arm around her body while she buries her head into Sana’s chest. She can feel her calm breath and her light fingers just barely grazing her body as her arms wrap around her. And it’s not like anything Sana has ever felt. Not with Jeongyeon. Not with Momo. Maybe everyone has a special kind of touch. It’s a warmth she wants to keep bottled in her pocket forever. Something she’d like to revisit every now and then. Because this is only something she can commit to memory. 

“Is something wrong?” Sana asks, her voice just a little short of a whisper, “You seemed sad.” 

“It’s nothing,” Tzuyu says, her voice muffled against Sana’s chest, “I’m sorry.” 

Sana doesn’t even know what the apology is for. 

“Sorry for putting your face so close to my chest?” Sana snorts and Tzuyu tries to pull away but Sana stops her and brings her closer . She bets the girl’s blushing like a fool again. “Admit it, you like it,” Sana says, wriggling just a little bit. Tzuyu says nothing, her body is tense and rigid against Sana’s, “You can touch me too, you know.” 

“Sana…” she whines, clearly Sana is ruining the moment. Her intention all along. She laughs and ruffles Tzuyu’s silky brown hair. 

“Well, whatever you’re sad about, don’t be too down about it. I’m here if you need a distraction. I’m winking in case you can’t tell,” Sana says playfully, “And you’re rolling your eyes.” Tzuyu laughs a bit. Sana hums and kisses the top of Tzuyu’s head and her body relaxes at the touch. 

“Good night, Sana.” 

She holds Tzuyu tighter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo I haven't been posting much in a while and I'm sorry for that! Going through "some things". Ya know. Anyway, how do you like this chapter? Do you hate it, love it? Do you wanna punch me in the face? Haha! Let me know in the comments! Or yell at me in twitter @trash_for_twice. Also, it would be really of great help if you could drop a few coins at my ko-fi (ko-fi.com/trashfortwice). Thank you so much for waiting and for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’ve never seen you in the daytime,” Sana comments, placing her own hands behind herself, clasping them together, digging her nails into her skin for saying the words out loud. 
> 
> “I’ve not seen you during the day either,” Tzuyu says, “You’re pretty.” 
> 
> Her nails dig deeper and Sana whips her head away because her face is burning up at the comment. She laughs to cover up the obvious way she’s choking up, “Of course, I am. Aren’t I pretty all the time?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! As promised, posting this chapter early becaaaause we have >3000 hits! Thank you thank you thank you for reading. I'm glad that people actually enjoy my writing?! Thanks so much for the hits, kudos, upvotes on AFF, comments (love that!) and random DMs/replies on twitter! I do love the interactions and your thoughts on the story so far! And of course, thank you for the coins on ko-fi! It's just a little something, something on the side but it really helps! Thank you so much!

Finals is rolling in and Sana and Momo are buried in their books studying for their exams. Thankfully, Madame  Hyerim gave them some time off. This is crucial for them both! They’ll be graduating soon, and this is almost a make-or-break deal for them. Well, not really. Their grades are good enough that even if they fail these final exams, they’d still have a decent average. But why fail purposefully?

Sana leaves the exam room together with everyone else. They compare answers and groan at their mistakes. Someone starts wailing when another mentioned there were still questions at the back page. Good luck.

“We’re going to the library, Sana,” Chaeyoung says when Sana was rummaging through her bag.

_ Where is that book? _

“Oh, sure. I’ll catch up,” Sana must have left it in the classroom. Once all the students and the exam proctor have cleared the room, Sana goes in and returns to her seat to search for her book. But it’s not there either. It’s probably at the massage parlor. And she was hoping to have a study session with her friends. Guess she’ll have to settle with the dim lights of her room with Momo, where they’re going to argue about who gets to use the study desk.

It’s nearly noon time so it’s not unbearably dark. Daylight has always been Sana’s estranged friend anyway. It’d be nice to be reacquainted. She goes to the back door of the classroom to leave but someone on the other side turns the knob at the same time and she nearly jumps at the unexpected force. But what makes her jump more is the person behind the door. Tzuyu. With the glaring light reflected light from the horrid walls of the architecture building behind her. Nearly blinding Sana. But,  _ God _ , she looks as radiant as the sun itself.

She smiles and takes out a book from her purse. Oh. Sana must have left it in her apartment. She doesn’t quite recall ever taking it out or studying there. Is she really just  _ that  _ absent-minded? 

“What are you doing here?” Sana pulls her in and closes the door, so no one sees them together. While not exactly like their previous unexpected encounter with meeting a  _ familiar  _ face, it’s still weird to see  Tzuyu out in the open, invading another part of her life that she had kept away from the girl. This is probably how  Tzuyu felt when that officemate of hers passed them by if she noticed him. 

But Sana forgets that for a moment.

“Returning your book,”  Tzuyu hands it to her, “You left it the last time you were at my place.”

“Why did you come here? How long is your lunch break? You’re going to be late when you get back to work and someone's going to yell at you! I could’ve gone to your office or at your apartment to pick it up. Why didn’t you just tell Madame Hyerim and waste your time coming over here? How’d you even find me?” She fusses and checks the time on her phone.

“You have a lot of questions again. I have an hour and a half which is more than enough time to leave the office and go back before anyone notices. I asked Madame Hyerim where your class was and your classmates outside helped me,” she says in a single breath, “I came here because I wanted to return your book. Can we have lunch now?”

“What?”

“Well, I’m here now. Might as well have lunch with you here,”  Tzuyu turns around to leave. Why does she say things so casually? Sana blocks the door.

“You should get back to work,” Sana frowns.

“I will,” she reaches for the doorknob, ignoring Sana completely, “after lunch.”

“I have to study.”

“You need to eat,”  Tzuyu turns around to look at Sana, frowning at the girl’s lack of care for herself.  Tzuyu clenches her jaw when Sana stays silent, “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“I’m not. It’s finals. I need to study.”

“We didn’t meet last week. And Madame Hyerim said you’re not working this week either,”  Tzuyu lowers her head, staring at the ground and it just  _ pains  _ Sana to see her like that.

Sana doesn’t want to admit it. She really  _ has been  _ avoiding  Tzuyu . Not because she needs to study (well, yes, but that’s not the main reason). Ever since that incident at the grocery store, Sana has been trying to  _ safely, quietly  _ detach herself from  Tzuyu . More for her sake than  Tzuyu’s . Or so she thought.

Sana doesn’t want to admit it. When she lies next to  Tzuyu and feels her quiet breaths against her face and stares at her sleeping peacefully, Sana doesn’t want anything other than for it to last for more nights. More nights than she could foresee. More nights than she could imagine. More mornings waking up to her beautiful face and her questions about what she’d like to have for breakfast even if it’s always just eggs and bread or kimchi fried rice because they can’t cook for shit.

Sana doesn’t want to admit that she has been greedy and selfish for wanting the girl and the life she doesn’t deserve.  _ Because  _ _ Tzuyu _ _ deserves better. _

But what better way to distract  Tzuyu from Sana's imminent, unexplainable fear of falling?

Sana pushes her till her back is against the door, effectively trapping her with her body pressed warmly against hers. And there it is.  Tzuyu’s frantic eyes that scan the entire room and fails to land on the one thing that desperately wants their attention -- Sana’s own glaring eyes.

“I’m not avoiding you. You know how much I  _ want  _ you,” Sana breathes hotly against  Tzuyu’s ear. Her fingers dance along her chest till she reaches the collar of her blazer, wanting nothing more than to rip that piece of clothing off, “You know, I’ve always had a kinky little fantasy about doing it in a classroom. The next class is in fifteen minutes. What do you say?” Sana places her thigh between  Tzuyu’s legs, pushing her skirt up and exposing those tanned, toned legs that Sana just  _ loves _ . 

Tzuyu’s hands reach for Sana’s hips  but instead of pushing her away, she pulls her closer, making her leg push against  Tzuyu’s center and, well, Sana wasn’t expecting that. Not that she’s complaining.  Tzuyu makes a quiet noise that was barely audible. Almost like a restrained whimper.  _ Oh _ , Sana wants to hear it loud and clear.

“You’ll be the professor and I’m your star student asking for extra credit,” Sana teases, squeezing  Tzuyu’s arms.

Tzuyu turns her head slightly, her lips barely brushing Sana’s cheek. Sana hears her gulp, can almost feel her throat swallowing her anxiety.  Tzuyu whispers quietly, shakily, like she’s about to lose all sense of her well-kept control, “I just wanted lunch.”

Her breathy voice makes her shiver. Even if it was a flat-out rejection. Sana smiles coyly. As much as she wants to tease  Tzuyu and role play out her fantasies and just fucking  _ do it  _ on the teacher’s desk, she has finals and her damn heart to worry about. Sana steps back to appreciate her work of art, the classic blushing Tzuyu with hair a bit messier than when she entered the room. And if she’s not mistaken, pupils a bit dilated.

“ _ I _ could be your lunch,” Sana laughs before collecting her things.

“Why do you do that?”  Tzuyu rolls her eyes, tidying her hair and keeping it in place, covering her reddened ears.

“Because you’re cute when you blush,” Sana smiles, brushing her dark, brown hair before placing a quick kiss on her cheek, “Fine, let’s have a quick lunch. But you’re going back to the office right after.”

-

Sana chooses the best café near the university area because she will  _ not  _ take  Tzuyu out for a cheap meal in the street corner. She deserves a sit-down, air-conditioned, restaurant-style dining experience. They walk along the reasonably, quiet streets of the university grounds. When it’s finals season, students  _ actually  _ buckle down and study. So, it’s relatively peaceful and empty. The school is usually a mix of whatever mess is going on in each department. But the solemnness isn’t the weird part. It’s having  Tzuyu walking next to her. Her overwhelming presence in the daylight. The sun paints her face in a way the moon and the streetlights or the indoor lighting of her apartment could never achieve. She’s bright and her smile is happy. Her brown eyes shine, and Sana thinks she’s ascending into heaven because  Tzuyu is just plainly put -- dazzling.

“I’ve never seen you in the daytime,” Sana comments, placing her own hands behind herself, clasping them together, digging her nails into her skin for saying the words out loud.

“I’ve not seen you during the day either,”  Tzuyu says, “You’re pretty.”

Her nails dig deeper and Sana whips her head away because her face is burning up at the comment. She laughs to cover up the obvious way she’s choking up, “Of course, I am. Aren’t I pretty all the time?”

“You are,”  Tzuyu says calmly, monotonously, like it’s a well-accepted fact.

“And you call  _ me  _ the flirt,” Sana rolls her eyes. Thank goodness they finally arrive at the café because now she can hide her dumb, blushing face behind the menu.  Tzuyu argues that she wasn’t flirting and that she was  _ just saying _ and blabbers on about how she’s  _ not  _ a flirt. Blah blah. Sana takes whatever compliments she can get from Tzuyu, tucks it in her heart for safekeeping.

They order two chicken  santa fe sandwiches and wait for their food in this comfortable silence while  Tzuyu looks over the dessert menu. She takes pictures of it, of the café, of the cakes on display, of their orders, and then of Sana. She’s caught off guard when she looks at Tzuyu, who only smiles while taking multiple shots like she has unlimited storage in that blasted iPhone. Sana gives her a soft smile and she feels like it’s unlike most of the smiles she’s ever given to a camera. It’s off-putting. Vulnerable. So, she poses like it’s Vogue photoshoot and Tzuyu eggs her on, taking shots from obscure angles while trying her best to remain seated. Tzuyu smiles till her eyes become crescent moons and she’s laughing at how Sana tries to do a slow-motion hair flip. It’s at normal speed since she obviously cannot control time and space, but she still has Tzuyu laughing like a kid and maybe that’s the only superpower she has and needs and it’s completely fine.

“Should we order a cake?”  Tzuyu asks, utterly entranced by the wondrous and colorful display in front of them after finishing their meal. Tzuyu loves her sweets as it seems. Sana gets up and picks one out, the one Tzuyu has been eyeing, an avocado cheesecake.

It’s a very light cheesecake and the naturally faint flavor avocado is clearly there.  Tzuyu happily dives in with her fork, trying to dissect the ingredients as if she were a food scientist or something. She bakes one cake and thinks she can take over the baking world. The napkin already has scribbles of what  Tzuyu thinks is the proportion of the ingredients in the cake.

“Is this your one hundredth cake?” Sana teases.

“No, I haven’t made another cake since we made one last time,” Tzuyu frowns, “Should we make this one next?”

“So ambitious,” Sana takes a spoonful of the cake, “I love a woman with goals.”

Tzuyu stops her scribbles and Sana almost chokes on the cake. 

The words slid out so easily like it was coated in butter. Sana wonders if  Tzuyu heard It or if she can tell that Sana is having an internal panic attack. That was a complete brain fart on her part. It’s not like it was a whole  _ confession _ , a profession of her undeniable love for  Tzuyu or anything  _ crazy  _ like that. Just a slip of the tongue. 

Sana gets up and goes to the counter to pay for their meal but  Tzuyu rushes to her and pushes the card into the cashier’s face.

“I-I’ll pay,” Tzuyu stammers, the pink in her cheeks growing more saturated by the second.

-

The nearest station is just outside of campus. They walk in the now awkward silence till they reach the station entrance.

“I can go with you on the way to your office,” Sana says after a beat, her hands are behind her again as she peels that nasty piece of loose skin around her nails.

“It’s okay. You need to study,”  Tzuyu smiles. And Sana remembers she probably shouldn’t be near her office anyway and risk being seen by her dumb customers.

There’s a respectable distance between them. Sana hates how this rift has happened because of her stupid loose tongue. Stupid Sana. Now things are weird. Should she say something to clear the air?

_ I didn’t mean it. _

_ I love a lot of women with goals. I am one myself. I love myself. _

_ Can we go back to the classroom and fuck instead? _

No, none of those sentences sound right. Especially that last one.

Tzuyu takes a step closer before Sana could register it in her head and before her own feet could step away. She takes Sana’s hands to stop her from picking at her own fingernails and that nasty loose skin. A frown forms on her face when she sees Sana’s nervous habits. Sana pulls her hands away.

“Good luck on your tests,”  Tzuyu says with a smile, like nothing happened, like the awkwardness between them disappeared with a snap of her fingers. Why does she make it feel like all of this is okay?

But maybe the awkwardness is good. Maybe it’s better this way.

-

Safe to say Sana finished all her tests with colors that are not exactly flying, maybe just gliding at a reasonable height that’s not dangerously close to crashing and burning to the ground. But it’s adequate for her to say she can walk down the school auditorium with the graduation cap and toga on.

It’ll be two weeks till graduation ceremony anyway and she’s been applying to some places in the meantime.  Chaeyoung had told her about an opening in Yongsan International School for a position as a school counselor. Sana doesn’t know the first thing about kids or how to talk to them, much less guide them to good and successful, morally upright life. She scoffs. Maybe they should do the opposite of everything Sana has done. But it seemed to be the best and fastest option for her career. Chaeyoung herself was going to be working in HR for some big company. Sana wishes her luck with the corporate world. She’s going to  _ love  _ it.

There are still a few things she needs to settle at school. Tuition fees. Final revisions of her term paper. Filing for clearance and all those boring paperwork and queues. All of that seems easier than trying to figure out what she should do about  Tzuyu . Not that she should  _ do anything  _ about it. She could just walk off the face of  Tzuyu’s earth, she thinks. Just go completely radio silent.  Tzuyu probably won’t even notice that she’s gone, right? Is that ghosting? Wow. Sana has never thought she’d ever ghost anyone. But look at her now, thinking about ghosting the only person she’s ever truly  cared about. Great.

Sana goes through her books that she’s finally going to either stow away for safekeeping, sell to underclassmen or burn in a ditch somewhere. Selling it seems to be the most economical and rational thing to do. She makes sure to get rid of any secret notes she’d kept inside the books. A little unfamiliar bookmark peeks out of one of her books. For one, she doesn’t really use bookmarks and hopes she lands on the desired page when she’s studying. Or she uses dog ears in case it’s  _ really _ important. She fishes it out. It’s a piece of yellow paper kept in a plastic cover with Chinese characters written on it in red ink. Sana’s familiar with it. Her  _ kanji  _ has not failed. Her ancestors would be proud. The words meant something along the lines of “guardian of studies”. She supposes it means luck on her exams. And where else could it have come from? She smiles. She can’t go radio silent now, can she? She’d have to return it.

-

Tzuyu opens the door, looking like she was expecting the delivery man because she had her wallet in hand , but she smiles upon seeing Sana. She’d decided to drop by without notice, since it seems like they’ve been invading each other’s unscheduled times these days. Somehow, she thinks she should’ve just waited until Friday.

She invites her in and asks, once again, even on unscheduled days, if she would like coffee or tea. 

“Tea, for once,” Sana says. It makes  Tzuyu turn her head and quirk her eyebrow, “To spice things up.”

“So, you want a spicy tea?”

“No, I was… Were you joking?”

“Yes…”

Sana chuckles, “You’re weird.”

She follows her to the kitchen, just trailing behind her like a shadow. The charm is in her back pocket and she wonders if she should just leave it and walk away quietly or hand it to her and thank her as a noble person would.

“Did you do well in your tests?”  Tzuyu says while preparing a mix of tea leaves Sana knows nothing about. Genmaicha chai rose whatever. It smells nice anyway.

“I did alright,” Sana says blankly, leaning her back against the counter and crossing her arms. She sighs heavily and Tzuyu takes notice. The girl walks over to her and studies her face closely, holding her gaze, “What are you doing?”

“Trying to understand why you’re sighing,” she says, “How can I help you feel better?”

“Maybe if you let me feel you up?” Sana jokes and jabs her side with her finger.  Tzuyu doesn’t even flinch, “I’m kidding.”

“ Your jokes are weird too.”

“Touché,” Sana smiles and takes out the charm from her pocket, placing it in  Tzuyu’s hand, “Thank you for this.”

“You don’t have to return it,” Tzuyu frowns a bit.

“I do,” Sana says, fighting back the crack in her voice and the tears that are building up in her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW. I hope you like this chapter. Sorry if it seems dragging (?). I don't know. This is not my favorite chapter to write BUT it's absolutely necessary to the plot. But yes. Expect the next chapter soon! I've already written it and just need to review it a couple more times! Thank you again! Tell me what you think of this chapter! (I do love me some constructive criticism) Hit me up on twitter or whatever @trash_for_twice. Aaaaand sorry for plugging in my ko-fi for the nth time but https://ko-fi.com/trashfortwice


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As with all good things, it must come to an end. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!!
> 
> Bet ya didn't see this coming this week haha! But!!! I have a sort of announcement to make. Sorry to make this personal but I think it may affect my posting schedule (What schedule?!?!). It's about a major life change and it's making me quite anxious but it is my decision and I will stick by it. Anyway, I do have the overall plot of the story so I WILL finish this. I will NOT abandon it. I already wrote down the ending before the rest of the parts. But yeah. Enough personal stuff. Please enjoy the story!!! (or not???)

As with all good things, it must come to an end. 

College? No, Sana is happily graduating with excellent grades and records. She’s finally rid of group projects, research papers and dreaded irrelevant survey taking. No more extra-curricular clubs that don’t really add much value if not to build connections. Sana really only had time to join one club – gardening. It wasn’t active at all, with only five members. All of them were pretty chill and didn’t mind that Sana rarely showed up or helped with the school’s botanical garden. Sana wonders if they knew she was a member. 

Her internship? Nope! When the employee on maternity was due to return, Sana was ready to get out of there as soon as possible. They’d offered her a permanent position as a Recruitment Specialist. And while Sana did have fun interviewing people, scaring them with her mixed aura of fun and bubbly to cold and intimidating, she thought she would quickly outgrow the job considering the company’s slow career advancement. One of the Recruitment Specialists has been there for over ten years! 

Her job at the massage parlor? This is the most relieving end to her string of struggles. While she may have to bid farewell to Madame Hyerim, her biggest supporter since she moved to Seoul from the humble countryside of Chuncheon, and the rest of the girls, Sana would want nothing more than to live a “normal life”, whatever that means. 

Her customers? They can go fuck themselves. 

Sana only has _one reservation_. 

\- 

“What are you going to do about your regulars?” Momo asks, packing her things little by little. She’ll be moving out after graduation too and she’d already found a place near her new job. She even proposed that they share a place. Sana rejected the offer, claiming she’d already found a place of her own (she hadn’t yet at that time). 

“Nothing?” Sana replies, “Should I send them a letter of resignation as well?” 

“You know who I mean,” Momo rolls her eyes. 

“Junyeong can find other girls,” Sana shrugs. Her hand subconsciously reaches for her neck, rubbing the seething pain that still burns when she thinks of him. 

“What if he finds you,” Momo narrows her brows. 

“He won’t. I’ll change my name and get plastic surgery,” Sana says sarcastically as she helps Momo fold her clothes. 

“Weirdo. Just don’t change your nose,” Momo snorts but doesn’t press further, “What about your Friday Girl?” 

Thankfully, Sana has her back turned when Momo asked that because her usual smiling, expression drops. She isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do with her Friday Girl. 

_Her only reservation_. 

She’d been avoiding the matter altogether. How is she supposed to say goodbye? 

\- 

“ _Okasan_ , _Otosan_ , you didn’t have to come all the way here,” Sana says as she holds her grandmother’s hand as she carefully takes her seat in this quiet little Japanese restaurant in Seoul. They’d just attended Sana’s graduation ceremony even though Sana _specifically_ asked them not to because her grandmother’s knees are weak, “and you brought _Sobo_ with you? It’s such a long ride. I could’ve just sent you pictures!” 

“It was _Sobo’s_ idea,” Sana’s father laughs, pouring tea into their cups. Even though Sana insisted that they didn’t have to come, she is definitely happy seeing her family after such a long time. She hasn’t visited home in years. She thinks of making a trip back before her work officially starts. For just a few days, maybe. 

“I never doubted my _mago_ could graduate,” her grandmother squeezed her cheeks. Sana loves her grandmother so much. She doesn’t care that her cheeks are going to be stretched out from all the love , “You’re so skinny! Order the best food for my _mago_!” 

Sana’s father orders _tonkoktsu_ ramen for all of them. She hasn’t had good ramen in a while either. Just the instant stuff. While nothing beats her grandmother’s or mother’s cooking, this place is a good third. Her father talks about them possibly taking a trip to Japan during the holidays to visit his brothers. While her mother wants to go hiking in some mountains. Sana thinks all mountains are the same. That’s because she hasn’t been to many mountains, her mother would say. Her grandmother on the other hand just wants to stay in Korea to tend to her plants, to prepare for harvest season. 

Her mother sighs. And they all turn to face this suddenly distressed woman. 

“I was so worried about that investment fund failing. When that company went bankrupt and we lost nearly all our savings,” she says, rubbing her temples, “You had to sit out for a long time, working part-time jobs. You could’ve come home for a year or two to rest and save some money,” her mother is on the verge of tears, “I can’t believe we let you work here in this big city all by yourself even while you were studying.” 

It was never her intention for her parents to worry. Quite the opposite. That was the whole point of taking various jobs and taking that _one_ job. If Sana were to be honest, she’d made the most money working for Madame Hyerim. But she would burn all that money and all her future earnings if her family ever found out how she got by during those difficult times. 

“ _Okasan_ , it’s okay! It was all my idea, remember? I was my choice. Please don’t blame yourself,” Sana reaches for her mother’s hands and holds them tightly, “I made it through. I’m done now. You don’t have to worry about me anymore. I have a job waiting for me and things are good.” 

“Our Sana has always been so strong,” her father assures his wife. 

“Yeah,” Sana smiles, “I always have been. Now let’s order more food since _Otosan_ is paying ! They have great _takoyaki_ here!” 

\- 

“So, what’s in store for my girls now?” Madame Hyerim reclines in her chair with a glass of wine in her hand. The other girls are laughing and enjoying their free night while Sana and Momo share life talks with their boss. They’d already discussed their intentions to leave to pursue something more or less (or more) related to their chosen majors. Madame Hyerim understands. It’s sort of the whole point she took them in in the first place. It may not be the best place for a girl to grow but it’s definitely one hell of a place to learn about life. 

“I start work in Myungwoo University Hospital next week,” Momo’s a medical technician and, as far as Sana knows, she’ll be just as busy as she was while she was still studying. Still, she’s always wanted to be in this line of work and Sana couldn’t be prouder. 

“I’ll be a school counselor in Yongsan International School,” Sana says. She plans on taking up a master’s degree, and maybe even proceeding to becoming a clinical psychologist. Sana’s not sure yet but, as they say, the world is her oyster, “Maybe further my studies down the road.” 

Madame Hyerim smiles and swirls the wine glass in her hand, “I’m glad my girls have dreams. If you ever need anything, you give me a call, alright? And if you ever want to get back into the business, well…” she laughs. 

Sana and Momo exchange looks of confusion and nervousness, but laugh with their boss anyway. 

There have been many stories of people leaving the industry, only to find themselves going back. It’s more uncommon but the stories are always so intriguing that the girls always think to themselves, _would I ever come back to this?_

It’s unimaginable for Sana. Why would she? When she’s finally a bit more lenient with her finances and her time given her new job, she can finally have some time to herself. Sure, the extra money is tempting, but so is the sleep and the peace of mind that she’s not at risk of contracting STD’s. But the option’s always open, as Madame Hyerim says. She shrugs. 

\- 

_One reservation._

Sana takes a deep breath before knocking on the door. When it swings open and Sana sees Tzuyu’s smile, she can’t bear to say goodbye to that pretty face or this warm presence that she has grown to love. Sana never told Tzuyu that she was leaving Madame Hyerim’s massage parlor, never told her that they would have to stop meeting like this, never told her that this is their last session. Sana never told Tzuyu that she’d be graduating, that she has a job offer, that she wants nothing to do with this now “past life” of hers that she’d tried so hard to hide and get rid of. Sana never told her that this has to stop because she’s no good for her, she doesn’t want people to see Tzuyu with her and have them think about how Tzuyu’s with a slut. And now that the time has finally come for Sana to tell her. She can’t. _She just can’t._

“Hey,” Sana smiles before entering. She’s finally dressed in something more decent. A denim jacket over a plain white shirt and jeans. Tzuyu immediately went over to the kitchen to prepare their coffee and tea. Taking off her sandals, Sana steps in to find a small cake on the dining table. Tzuyu picks it up and brings it over to Sana. It’s coated in pink frosting with little white blobs on top. Well, they look like blobs. 

_Congratulations!_

The word was written on the top with possibly shaky hands with a cute disfigured smiley face below it. Sana looks up, with her eyes full of joy and tears and a heart ready to burst out of her chest. 

“Congratulations!” Tzuyu says with all the happiness in her voice. She places the cake down back on the table and, for the first time, walks over to a dumbfounded Sana and brings her in for the biggest, softest, warmest hug she has ever received. She sinks into it, drowns in this warmth and all the loveliness that Tzuyu has to offer. There’s nothing Sana would want more than to be in this moment and memorize it, memorize her touch, her vanilla scent, the way her arms wrap around Sana so tightly. How can she keep this moment in her heart forever? Tzuyu pulls away after what must have been a few seconds of hugging, yet it’s not enough for Sana. She wants more. Tzuyu wipes away Sana’s tears with her sweater sleeve, “Hey, why are you crying? I’m sorry I did all this. Maybe you didn’t want me to know. But Madame Hyerim told me anyway. She said this wasn’t officially a session since you’ve kind of already quit. But I was really excited to bake you a cake, so I asked her to tell you to come by. It’s just vanilla but I made the icing with some strawberry flavoring I found at the baking depot. And--” 

Tzuyu stops mid-sentence because Sana can’t stop the tears from falling, she can’t stop herself from sobbing and clutching her chest because it _hurts_ . Why? When did being loved become so painful? Maybe because this “love” isn’t even real. Maybe because all of this means nothing to Tzuyu and maybe even to Sana. And what is she supposed to do when she leaves? How will Tzuyu spend her boring Friday nights? Who will watch dumb movies with her or drink five bottles of soju with? God, she’s _ugly_ crying now. Snot and all. 

“Hey,” Tzuyu starts patting Sana’s head, “I promise the cake tastes good.” 

Sana laughs, because, of course, Tzuyu is going to say something silly like that. Of course. 

“Why are you crying and laughing? Have you gone mad?” Tzuyu jokes. And normally, Sana wouldn’t find jokes about people’s mental health to be amusing but she’ll let it slide. 

“Because I’m sad,” Sana lets it out and covers her face in her hands. It’s so stupid. Why is she crying over this? She’s so stupid. 

“Okay,” is all Tzuyu says, “It’s okay to be sad. You feel what you need to feel.” 

Sana lifts her face from her hands and sees Tzuyu with her perfect smile and soft eyes that are just so caring and comforting, waiting for her to look at her and return the smile that doesn't come. 

"I'm here. You can talk to me if you want, whenever you're ready," Tzuyu wipes her face again. 

"W-what if I'll never be ready," Sana sniffs, covering her nose because the snot starts oozing out. 

Tzuyu smiles, “Didn’t I say this before? That there is no such thing as ‘never’?” she picks up the box of tissues from the coffee table and pulls a few sheets out for Sana "And even if it does, then I'll wait till that ‘never’ runs out," 

"Tzuyu, why are you saying all this?" 

"I have a gift for you. Do you want it now?” Did she just deadass ignore Sana’s question? “Or after you blow your nose?" it sounds like a tease or a joke but Tzuyu's always so serious. 

In any case, Sana doesn't answer because she's still trying to stop sniffing and wiping the fluids from her nose. 

"Madame Hyerim asked me if I wanted another girl. I told her no and she thanked me for being a loyal customer," Tzuyu takes the sobbing Sana to the couch. She slices two pieces of cake and sets them on two plates, offering one to Sana and then sitting next to her, taking a small bite, smiling at her successful creation, "I'm glad she agreed to give me your schedule. It's all I wanted. I'm glad. I really am." 

"What are you talking about?" Tzuyu's always talking in puzzles as if Sana already knows every piece and where it fits. 

"Nothing," Tzuyu takes another bite. She's still not making any sense, "I'd understand if you don't want to see me anymore," Tzuyu shakes her head lightly, her expression blank, "I'm part of a life you are leaving behind, right? You'd want to move forward, wouldn’t you?" 

What is she supposed to say to that? _No, I want to move forward with you by my side._ She's so fucking in love with this girl. But Tzuyu doesn’t want her, doesn’t deserve the mess that Sana is. She's just holding her plate with the lopsided cake with uneven frosting and half a smiley face on top. The answer is lodged at the back of her throat. She wants to say it now. She can’t. 

"I'll get you your gift," Tzuyu smiles softly, placing her plate on the table before getting up to retrieve something from her room, “It’s not much. I guess you’ll be moving to a new place. So, I got you a house _warming_ gift.” She snickers. 

It's a small box wrapped in pink paper with a red bow on the corner. Sana looks up at Tzuyu who hands it to her with a big smile. She eagerly tells her to open it. Sana doesn’t bother with being careful about ripping the paper and Tzuyu twitches a little when it _does_ rip. Sana takes it out of the box. It's a blue blanket with a little elephant patch sewn on the corner with Sana’s name embroidered on it. Tzuyu says she had sewn the tiny animal on because she wanted to make it more personal, but the craft store only had elephant patches. So, she hopes Sana remembers Tzuyu when she sees the little elephant. Sana puts the blanket close to her chest and thanks her. 

"There's more," Tzuyu smiles. More? Sana turns the box upside down but there's literally nothing inside, "Close your eyes." 

So, she does. She hears Tzuyu take a long, heavy breath before speaking. 

"I know you've been wanting this for so long and maybe you haven't thought about it for some time," she hears Tzuyu's voice not too far from her, "Because I keep saying no and I always push you away,” she chuckles. It sounds like she’s struggling with getting the words out and Sana just wants her to stop giving herself so much trouble. She doesn’t have to do this. 

“I don’t know if this is still what you want. Somehow, I don’t know how to be anything more to you. And if this is all I can give you," her voice is a little shaky. Sana feels it getting louder as the couch cushion dips when Tzuyu moves closer. Sana feels Tzuyu’s hands lightly cup her face, warming her cheeks, her thumbs brushing her skin, wiping whatever tears that still spill from her eyes, "I hope this is enough." 

Soft lips press onto hers, melding into hers. It's everything she has imagined and more. Or is it unlike anything she's ever imagined? Could it be both? It doesn't feel real. She wants to slap herself to convince her that this is true. But she's afraid that the moment she opens her eyes everything will shatter and reveal itself as a dream. But this moment is _real_ , isn’t it? Tzuyu's lips taste like strawberries and summer. Her delicate hands hold her steady. Her heart is on fire and it would be so selfish of her to ask for more, to ask for this to be her every day, to ask for this to last forever. Tzuyu pulls away and it takes everything for Sana not to cry. Because that _did_ happen, and that kiss was more than anything she could've asked for. 

"Was that okay?" Tzuyu brings Sana out of her daze, "I didn't ask for permission and went right in. I'm sorry." 

"It was perfect," Sana says. Her lips still tingle from the sensation but they immediately form into a smirk, "Would I be pushing my luck if I asked for more?" 

Sana winks at her and makes Tzuyu blush and look away. It's just so fun teasing her even if it breaks Sana's heart. Maybe in another life. Maybe in another reality. Or universe. Or whatever it is wherein Sana can have her kisses and her cuddles and her hugs. And she can hold her at night and tuck her in to bed and wish her to have sweet dreams. And bake cakes and visit farms where she can see cows. Wherever it is wherein Sana can shamelessly look at the stars in Tzuyu’s eyes and thank whatever gods decided that they could be together in that life, or reality or universe. But for now, this is enough. It hurts. But she won't be greedy. 

This is enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END!!!
> 
> I'm kidding!!! Don't send an angry mob!!! 
> 
> So, just to be clear, this is NOT the end of the story. Anyway, let me know what ya think of the story so far! I wanna hear your thoughts, comments, constructive criticism!!! Love that shit. You can annoy me on twitter @trash_for_twice and drop coins at https://ko-fi.com/trashfortwice. Thank you for all the support and I hope you've enjoyed reading thus far!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tzuyu wishes she’d stayed at home. Would she say she has regrets? No, not exactly.
> 
> But Tzuyu can’t forget.
> 
> Something stirred in her that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Here's an update for yall! :D
> 
> I won't hold you up for long. Please enjoy and be kind!
> 
> Trigger Warning: Physical Violence/Abuse or reference thereto

Tzuyu wishes she’d stayed at home. Would she say she has regrets? No, not exactly.

But Tzuyu can’t forget.

Something stirred in her that night.

What would she call it?

A kind of blinding rage bellowed in her throat. It filled her lungs with fire and her heart with spite. 

Tzuyu doesn’t understand. 

She’s surrounded by her intoxicated colleagues. Tzuyu doesn’t like going out or having team dinners but Seulgi dragged her into it. She kind of wishes she just made up an excuse. Mina doesn’t like socializing much either. But she looks like she’s having a nice conversation with Seulgi and Sunmi about some law school debate she had in class the other day. They banter about who’s right and wrong, who’s innocent and guilty. Tzuyu dips out of their conversation once it becomes too technical and shifts her attention to the men beside her. 

She kind of wishes she didn’t.

But Tzuyu understands this. She works in a _man’s world --_ corporate law. And apart from the large wage gap, less opportunities and constant, discreet degrading of women in the workplace, there are other matters that make it worse for a woman to work in an office such as this. Tzuyu understands this. She’d bump shoulders with men in the workplace. Literally. Whether intentional or not. Usually, it was _them_ who did the bumping and the light patting on her arm and the uttering of fake apologies. Tzuyu would say they’re inappropriate. Of course, they are. But no one would listen to her if she were to ever speak up about it. Tzuyu understands this. This is a _man’s world_ . And she hates the saying “boys will be boys” because it reinforces the idea that men can get away with anything simply because they are _men_. Tzuyu has always let it pass. Shrugs it off. Never questions it. 

Until this moment right here.

“She’s got a nice ass…”

Tzuyu bites her tongue.

“… and she’s so tight…”

Her nostrils flare.

“... and when she screams…”

She grits her teeth.

“... and then I slap her…”

Fists form under the table.

“... and I put my hands around her neck…”

Her nails dig into her palms. She turns her head slightly to their direction. And they’re _laughing_ , smiling, drinking as if they didn't just hear the most _disgusting_ words coming out of Junyeong’s -- no, that _animal's_ mouth. 

Tzuyu shuts her eyes. It feels like the puffs of air her nose is blowing out are steaming hot.

She doesn’t want to hear it, his words, his voice, the way he speaks about this woman. How could they speak about her that way? How could they even be with another woman when they’re in committed relationships? 

Worst of all, how could he _hurt_ someone like that? 

Hitting a woman… 

There’s a sting in her eyes. Her knuckles turn white with rage and her palms bleed from her nails breaking into her skin. 

“Her name’s Sana. Ask for her next time you go.” 

-

Tzuyu doesn’t do this sort of thing.

No, she stays at home. She drinks tea and cleans her apartment regularly. She attempts to do yoga but then ends up watching YouTube videos till it’s midnight, and then she goes to sleep. 

Tzuyu doesn’t go out trailing her drunk manager to the place where he’s supposed to meet this girl.

The girl he hurts.

The rain has been light but the pitter patter of the water drowns the sound of her footsteps as she treads behind him, a few meters away. He throws his cigarette to the ground and lets the weak stream of rainwater kill the flame before entering the building. It’s a somewhat shabby four-storey structure with the signage that reads “Amor Massages”. 

Awfully cliche.

Tzuyu stops right in front of the door as the raindrops wet her head and shoulders. She’ll get sick if she stays out any longer.

_“She’s got a nice ass…”_

She lets out a shaky breath and steps back.

There’s a convenience store across the narrow street and opts to sit on the chair under a huge colorful umbrella. It’s hidden behind some empty cases and boxes. She thinks it’ll be safe. Junyeong won’t see her when he leaves.

Tzuyu takes this time to calm herself.

She swears she’s not drunk. She had a few sips of that beer that she doesn’t like and left it on the table. This isn’t the alcohol talking and making her do the walking. 

It’s just Tzuyu.

And Tzuyu doesn’t understand.

She doesn’t understand this fire burning inside her. It’s not like her. None of this is.

Tzuyu is calm. Tzuyu is easy going. Tzuyu doesn’t make a fuss.

So, why is she here?

Tzuyu thinks she doesn’t know the answer either. What does she expect to happen exactly?

There’s no calculated answer. There’s no expected outcome. Tzuyu always calculates her answers and expects particular outcomes with reasonable certainty.

The only outcome Tzuyu wants from this is her fist lodged into Junyeong’s stupid face, breaking his stupid nose from the impact and maybe knocking off some stupid teeth. And so what if she breaks her fingers in the process?

She buys a bottle of Pocari Sweat and hopes that covers her stay in the store.

She asks herself again as she rips the plastic label off the bottle. Why is she here?

But Tzuyu knows.

The door swings open and Junyeong walks out, looking so satisfied with a sleazy grin. He collects himself and straightens his tie. He lights another cigarette and snakes his free hand around the girl’s waist and kisses her greedily again before leaving. The rain has stopped. The girl with bright blonde hair waves him goodbye as he walks off.

There have been a lot of things that happened tonight that were completely uncalculated and unexpected. And maybe this was the biggest miscalculation yet.

Tzuyu didn’t take into account what this woman looked like.

While she had _assumed_ that this woman was probably beautiful, she really didn’t set her expectations. The woman has Tzuyu blushing just by the mere sight of her.

With her neutral expression, the woman’s features look sharp and angular. Her eyes are deep. Tzuyu could get lost in them. She’s slim but not skinny. There’s a certain air she exudes. Tzuyu can’t quite name it. But she really shouldn’t stare. She shouldn’t be thinking about how this woman catches her eyes and traps them in her beauty.

But what Tzuyu notices, beyond her pretty face dimly lit by the weak street light, is this sadness in her eyes and the weight she carries as she shifts from one foot to the other while she wraps her robe around her body, sighing to herself.

And Tzuyu suddenly feels _that_ weight, or a portion of it, hang above herself. Because now she _knows._

The patches of red on her neck and her chest almost immediately turn to a bluer shade. Her cheek is reddened and it’s not just a blush or makeup.

She shakes her head. This isn’t any of Tzuyu’s business. What was she thinking?

But Tzuyu looks back at the woman. She swipes her thumb along her bottom lip and wipes a bit of blood that has begun to drip. It’s hard to notice the wound with how red her lipstick is, really. She goes back into the massage parlor after a moment.

And Tzuyu wonders what other scars she has? And what does she do to hide them? Tzuyu grips the bottle of Pocari Sweat a little too tightly.

Tzuyu shuts her eyes.

_“… and she’s so tight…”_

She covers her ears with her hands. 

_“... and when I slap her...”_

She takes a deep breath. 

_“... and I put my hands on her…”_

Her feet slam hard against the asphalt as she marches into the massage parlor. She might pop an important vein in her neck or her head. She doesn’t know.

The only thing Tzuyu knows is that she has to stop this.

But something bites her at the back of her head when she walks in and meets the startled eyes of the receptionist. Because why is a woman like Tzuyu even doing here?

Tzuyu really shouldn’t be asking for the girl Junyeong was just with. She really shouldn’t be demanding to speak to the manager of this establishment when her tears start rolling off her cheeks because it doesn’t make her look any more aggressive and assertive. She shouldn’t be slamming her palm on the counter because it hurts more than it looks.

_“... and I put my hands on her…”_

It plays back in her head. She goes on making a scene that she’s not used to being a part of.

“What’s all this ruckus for?” 

A calm, sultry voice says and Tzuyu looks to her right. A woman in a black silk robe with spider lily patterns calls their attention. She’s standing in front of a doorway with blood red curtains hanging over it. Above it is a sign in neon lights that reads “Madame”. 

With a cigarette in hand, she looks Tzuyu over from her toes to her head and blows a puff of smoke into the air. 

“Madame,” the receptionist bows to her, “this girl wants… special services.” 

“Come into my office,” the manager says, dragging her words and her feet along with her as she disappears into the heavy curtains. 

Tzuyu’s out of her mind but she’s kind of lost it for a while now. The manager takes a seat behind her desk. There’s no chair in front of her. It doesn’t seem like she expects guests to waltz right in and talk to her. She gives Tzuyu one good look again, raising her eyebrows at her before speaking.

“If you’re a cop, you’re doing a horrible job.” 

Tzuyu cocks her head, not sure what the manager is talking about. She unclenches her fists that have started to bleed again, “I’m not.” 

“So, why are you here harassing my receptionist?” she says sternly. 

“I want that girl. The blonde one who was with that guy a while ago.” 

“Hmm?” she checks the schedule on her desk, “Sana?” 

“Yes,” Tzuyu says quickly. 

The manager eyes her, “Are you his girlfriend? His wife?” 

“No.” 

She scoffs, “Then what do you want to do with her?” 

What on earth or _out_ of earth has possessed her to do this? This is beyond her character, so out of her personality. And despite her rational thoughts telling her that this is crazy and dangerous and _illegal_ , Tzuyu has managed to place herself in the middle of this mess. She’s at the edge of the line but she wants to go over it. She wants to fight for _Sana_. 

Somehow, she doesn’t really need a reason for it.

“I want his schedule. I’ll pay.” 

“Of course, you’d have to pay,” she laughs, “But why should I give it to you?. He’s a regular here. And why specifically do you want _his_?” 

“I’ll pay, however much it takes,” Tzuyu pleads. She _begs_. Her eyes are desperate and the manager can see that. She looks like she knows desperation well. She pays her no mind and continues to smoke her cigarette while looking through her planner. Tzuyu doesn’t know how else to convince her. She swallows hard and says firmly, “I want her.” 

“A lot of people do, honey,” she says, closing the notebook, “What makes you so special?” 

Tzuyu slumps her shoulders in defeat. 

The manager’s right though. 

She’s not special.

She kind of wishes she was.

-

Sunmi is looking through a stack of reports when Tzuyu enters her office. She’d decided to talk with her about what she heard last Friday night. Since it’s not technically work-related, she enters her office after five. Sunmi’s always working so it doesn’t really matter though. Tzuyu stands by the door with her hands clasped together in front of her as she waits for Sunmi to look at her. 

“Oh, God,” Sunmi jumps, “how long have you been standing there?” 

“Less than a minute, I think,” Tzuyu says, gripping her own hands tightly. She wasn’t sure about divulging this information. Should she even bring it up? Is it something worth bringing up?

“Do you need anything?” Sunmi asks, offering the seat in front of her. At least Sunmi has a chair in her office.

“I’m not sure if this is something that I should talk to you about,” Tzuyu says before sitting down. Sunmi looks concerned, putting her pen down. She inhales deeply, “But it’s been bothering me. I didn’t know where else to go. I need to let someone know somehow. Last week when we were having a team dinner, I overheard some of the men talking about…” she looks around and whispers, “paying for… the services… of a sex worker,” she sighs, glad to have gotten the words out, and continues, “I didn’t think people in our office do that. Some of them seemed like really nice guys. It just bothers me. They talked about the women in such a way that… that was bad,” Tzuyu looks down at the floor, “Like they weren’t people at all.” 

Sunmi sighs, “It’s a very common thing among men in Korea, Tzuyu. I wouldn’t let it bother you that much.” 

_Really?_

Tzuyu doesn’t react. She keeps her widened eyes planted on the floor. Her words shock Tzuyu. Sunmi has always been someone she looked up to. She’s the kind of woman who spits fire at men. Someone like her would’ve fought tooth and nail for justice for women. She’d seen it. Whenever some of the guys would go off about Tzuyu not being a lawyer when she was still a newly hired associate, Sunmi would defend her. Sunmi has always had her back. But why are these words coming out of her mouth? Shouldn’t she care that their colleagues are doing this and saying things like that? 

“But it’s… isn’t it wrong?” 

“It’s a gray area, don’t you think?” she looks at Tzuyu’s innocent eyes, naivety ridden all over them. Sunmi takes off her glasses and places them on the table, rubbing her eyes, “What do you want to do? Call the police? Take away their means of livelihood? And these men? The worst punishment they could receive is public humiliation for a few weeks and then things will be back to normal for them more or less.” 

Tzuyu frowns. She doesn’t know what else to say. She must be giving off a total look of disappointment and Sunmi probably doesn’t want to see it. 

“It’s unfortunate, you know? That these women get into those types of things. Maybe some of them actually _want_ to do it. It could be that they have no other choice. Regardless, this isn’t something you should meddle in, Tzuyu. The fact of the matter is that prostitution is illegal here. And getting the law involved is not entirely the best thing to do, if that’s what you’re thinking.” 

Tzuyu stays silent. Because Sunmi is right, isn’t she?

She wishes she wasn’t. 

\- 

“Where are you off to?” Seulgi raises her eyebrow when she sees Tzuyu taking a messenger bag as if to take off in the middle of work day. She’s not particularly uptight about her juniors leaving the office especially if it’s for work. Maybe she wants to ask Tzuyu to get her a snack.

“I have to get some papers from Sinjeon Inc. Manager Kim wanted me to pick it up because it’s highly confidential documents,” she adjusts the straps so it fits across her body properly.

An annoyed grunt leaves Seulgi’s mouth, “Jeez, can’t they just send a messenger over. I’m so tired of Manager Kim telling you to get the documents. It’s on the other side of the city and you have better things to do.”

“I can still submit my deliverables to you by the end of the day, unnie," she hopes and smiles at Seulgi to reassure her, “It’s fine.”

It is though. It’s a break from all the work and the nonsense at the office. So, Seulgi lets her be and promises to get her a snack for her hard work. Tzuyu thinks Seulgi just wants a snack for herself though.

It’s nice to breathe non-conditioned air every now and then. It’s nice _not_ to be in the same physical space as those men. Whenever she sees Junyeong, sees him smiling, hears him talking and laughing, it makes Tzuyu sick. She remembers that night. The image of Sana’s face is imprinted in her mind and keeps her awake at night. The thoughts of what he does to her makes her shudder.

Tzuyu reaches Sinjeon Inc. after an hour or so in the bus. It’s midday so at least she’s not squeezing between people’s shoulders. Once she retrieves the “confidential” documents from their secretary she waits for the bus again. All that time spent to get some stupid pieces of paper. She sighs.

An old lady sits next to her at the bus stop, striking up a conversation about how nice the day is. Tzuyu only nods. She looks over at the elderly woman who beams at her with a crooked smile. But Tzuyu’s attention has been stolen by someone else.

Sana.

Tzuyu whips her head away instantly. It’s not like Sana would be able to recognize her. But why is she suddenly so nervous? Because she _knows_ her? Like she's guilty about this knowledge. Her heart is racing in her chest and she has to wipe her sweaty hands on her skirt. She peeks through her hair that has cascaded to the side of her face.

It’s really her, in broad daylight. Sana rests a book on her lap as she scrolls through her phone. She’s… pretty. 

Is Tzuyu allowed to think that? To have an opinion about her?

Sana rips her eyes away from her phone to look ahead of her, and the sunlight filters through the trees and hits her face in a way that paints her eyes beautifully. They become little ponds of honey and they glimmer as the light and shadows dance on her when the blows of wind against the leaves.

Why are all these thoughts in Tzuyu’s head? She looks at her phone instead. She shouldn’t stare at people anyway.

“Dear,” the old lady says, speaking with Sana, “you have a mark on your neck. A scar? Did a cat scratch it?"

Tzuyu doesn’t turn to look at Sana’s reaction. She types random characters into her phone to look busy.

“Ah,” Sana chuckles lightly, “It’s nothing, ma’am.”

Why do her ears burn at the lie?

The screech of tires disturb their conversation and Sana helps the old lady get on the bus as she follows. She helps her in the only empty seat as Sana stands by the old lady’s side, continuing their light conversation. Sana smiles at the old lady and tucks her hair behind her ear. Her smile puffs her cheeks up and her eyes become smaller just from that. And all of a sudden, her once angular and sharp features _soften_. Her smile is so pure and delightful.

Tzuyu’s chest clenches. She knows she can’t sit around idly as Sana gets hurt.

She waits for her bus to arrive. 

She knows what to do.

-

The receptionist glares at Tzuyu when she comes back with a cartoonish bag of money. Tzuyu places it harshly on the table with a victorious grin to make her point. The woman sighs and calls the manager. She comes out of the curtains and scoffs. 

“Where’d you get that money?” she crosses her legs as she takes her seat in her office chair. Her dagger-like eyes are accentuated by her sharp eye makeup. 

“I don’t spend a lot…” 

“Right,” she sighs, “I don’t think I can shake you off, can I?” 

“No, I don’t think so,” she smiles. “I did the math. If you charge me this much for… um… home services,” she takes her phone out to show her the calculations she made, “and I book every Friday for the next three months, this is how much I should pay you. If you look at my spreadsheet --” 

“You lost me there, honey,” she waves Tzuyu’s lengthy explanation off. 

“Okay,” Tzuyu fishes another thing from her bag, “I made a contract,” she places it on the manager’s table who eyes it suspiciously, “To save you time, it essentially means I get to have the entirety of her Friday schedules for three months for the stated payment to be made in cash, in full, up front,” she points towards her bag of cash, “Everything is accounted for. The contract is renewable every three months and I will send a weekly update of my prepaid balance through an envelope to be given to Sana, so that she doesn't know that I've already paid for her schedules. At the end of three months, I will pay the same amount again for the same time period. It’s cancellable when any of the parties involved wish to cancel or step away from the engagement.” 

“Are you a lawyer?” she squints her eyes at the fine print. It’s a single page document with three copies. 

“No… But I understand that prostitution is illegal, and any contracts established wherein the object of which is illegal is not really a legally binding contract but… this is just between us, right?” Tzuyu’s hands are shaking but her voice stays still. 

“Are you sure you’re not a lawyer?” she smirks. 

“Yes, I’m sure I’m not.” 

“That was a rhetorical question,” she rolls her eyes. 

“I won’t hurt her,” Tzuyu blurts out, “I don’t want to do… weird things with her… I just want her… by my side.” 

Tzuyu doesn’t know what convinced the manager. Was it the money? The contract? Tzuyu’s insistence? But she takes out a pen and signs the contract. She shakes Tzuyu’s hand firmly with a knowing smile, “Madame Hyerim, pleasure doing business with you.” 

-

It’s around nine. Tzuyu’s expecting her guest any time now. She got home early, cleaned up and was ready to… not have sex with Sana. She has no idea what she’s supposed to do for the time she’d reserved. Should they just watch a movie? Talk about life?

There’s a light knock on the door and Tzuyu jumps up right away. She takes a deep breath and makes her way to the door. 

She opens the door and sees Sana. And, _God_.

The woman looks so different from the first time she’d seen her, or the second time for that matter when she was just stealing glances. Up close, under the poorly lit hallway with the buggy light bulb, she looks so, so _beautiful_. She really has no other words for it. And Tzuyu does what she does best when she sees a pretty woman. She just panics and runs back to the kitchen.

“Do you want coffee or tea?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, how was that? Please tell me what you think! 
> 
> So, so, so. We now have Tzuyu's POV and her reason has been explained to us. Was it too big of a drop? Haha. But Sana doesn't know yet. So we still have that to look forward to.
> 
> You can fite with me on twitter @trash_for_twice and drop coins at ko-fi.com/trashfortwice :D
> 
> Will probably write more "notes" on twitter since it's the middle of the work day where I am lol what work? Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please be kind! :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tzuyu sighs.
> 
> “Yes,” she says before cupping Sana’s face and bringing her in for another kiss, "Stay."
> 
> So, Sana does. She stays for the night. One more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I won't drag this on any longer. See you at the end notes!

“Is she okay though?”

Tzuyu asks while she balances her phone between her shoulder and her cheek. She could’ve used earphones but those things are lost somewhere in her bag and she was in a rush to get things done when Madame Hyerim called. Apparently, Sana has been struck with a bad case of “violent diarrhea” for the past couple of days and Tzuyu thought she would cancel their “session” this week. But she claimed she was starting to feel better and would meet Tzuyu.

“Yeah, but go easy on her. No weird butt stuff,” Madame Hyerim laughs on the other line.

“I’m not-- I don’t do--” Tzuyu’s cheeks flare up as she hisses into the phone, nearly dropping the folders tucked in her arms before making a quick turn and hiding in the archive room where only the files could hear their conversation, “We don’t do anything.”

“Yeah, okay,” Madame Hyerim is still laughing. What is so funny? They  _ literally _ do nothing.

Tzuyu's glad Sana is feeling better though. She has been looking forward to meeting her again. She'd prepared a gift for her, a sort of advanced congratulatory gift for getting that job or internship she was talking about. An assortment of colorful office supplies packed neatly in a box.

But maybe Sana would appreciate a nice warm meal to fill her stomach since she'd been… expelling things…  _ violently _ . Tzuyu doesn’t know the cure or treatment for violent diarrhea though. Wouldn’t it depend on the cause? Food poisoning? Amoebiasis? Are those the same thing? She shrugs.

There’s a restaurant across her apartment that sells traditional Korean dishes so Tzuyu thought a nice “home-cooked” meal would probably do Sana good.

The  _ ajumma _ is in the kitchen when Tzuyu walks into the restaurant. She’s whipping something up in her huge wok, the fire heating the whole place up. She waves at Tzuyu and tells her to take a seat before turning the stove off and walking over to her.

“What can I get you?” she asks with her back hunched and a smile so genuine.

“What do you recommend if someone has a stomach ache?” Tzuyu smiles, looking through the menu.

“Some  _ samgyetang _ would be good!” she says, putting her hand on Tzuyu’s forehead, “Are you feeling unwell, dear? I’ll put more ginseng in it.”

“It’s for a friend.”

When she goes back home with the soup in hand, she hopes it doesn’t make Sana’s insides churn uncomfortably. It smells good though. 

Sana arrives but she doesn’t look  _ sick  _ per se. Not like she’d been flushing the toilet non-stop for days at least. Her skin is still as fair as ever and her cheeks are full of color. It couldn’t possibly be  _ just  _ the make up. She does look tired,  _ sad _ . A bit… disheartened. And maybe the  _ samgyetang _ won’t hurt her stomach but she doesn’t think it’ll make her feel better either. 

And Tzuyu has never been really good at consoling another human being. Patting their heads and cooing over them can only do so much good. Dogs are easier. The only defense mechanism Tzuyu can offer is… a distraction.

“The  _ ajumma _ was really nice about it when I told her you were sick. She threw in a little extra ginseng. I don’t know if you’d like it, but I guess it’s healthy.”

Sana doesn’t say anything, doesn’t take her shoes off and just walks over to her, dropping her forehead on Tzuyu’s shoulder. Sana’s arms naturally find themselves around Tzuyu’s waist. And it’s unlike any of the other times she has tried to touch Tzuyu. Her hands seek comfort and warmth and Tzuyu can only hope she’s giving Sana those things.

“Thank you.”

Tzuyu holds her breath, scared that any sudden movements would stop this, would make Sana pull herself away. 

"I'm fine, really."

Sana lifts her head and lets go of Tzuyu. Her smile is reassuring but not quite. And even though Tzuyu would want Sana to talk about her troubles, she knows better than to poke her nose up in someone else's business. She's already quite deep in this situation, isn't she?

_ Right _ , she'll be Sana's distraction.

"I got you something," Tzuyu goes to her room and returns with a purple box, "I guess you'll be needing these things when you get that job you've been applying for."

A pad of sticky notes. A few colored pens. A little tape dispenser in the shape of a dog sticking its tongue out.

Sana laughs and a slight blush forms on her cheeks. And Tzuyu can't help the flush on her own face upon seeing Sana smile like that.

"Tzuyu, what is this? I feel like you're my sugar mommy by giving me all these little gifts and being so nice to me," she continues to laugh and invades Tzuyu's personal space  _ as per usual _ , "But we don't even  _ engage _ in any  _ intimate _ acts. And that's an important aspect of a sugar baby-mommy relationship, don't you think?"

Sana twirls her finger in a lock of Tzuyu's hair. Her smirk is so teasing and inviting and it makes Tzuyu bite down her lower lip, just to fight off… any urges..

She wants to say "We don't have that kind of relationship" but that just leaves more room for Sana's teasing or, worse, misinterpretation.

"It's just a gift. I hope it makes you feel better."

Sana's smirk becomes a soft smile. Her hand drops from the side of Tzuyu's face, letting go of that lock of hair she's been playing with and she holds the purple box with both hands.

"It does. Thanks. But you don't have to do these things for me," she looks away as she says, "You don't have to take care of me."

-

Seulgi tells her she’s been smiling more. She teases Tzuyu that maybe she’s started dating because she's  _ absolutely glowing _ . As if the only reason someone glows is because they’re dating. What if they’re just completely relieved because they’re protecting someone they care about from an abuser? 

They’re not  _ dating _ . 

“She hasn’t spent any Friday nights out with us either,” Mina nudges Tzuyu before they settle in at their table during their lunch break at the cafeteria. Not like Mina spends Friday nights out either. Seulgi is probably the most sociable among the three, which to be honest, isn’t much to compare with anyway. Their senior wakes up at two in the afternoon on Saturdays sometimes. And, if she could, Mina would stay in bed all day. They're all homebodies who like being alone.

“They’re definitely lucky that they can be with our little Tzuyu,” Seulgi smiles at her. And Tzuyu groans. The agony. They treat her like a little kid. She doesn’t really mind though. But she switches the topic to something less embarrassing and personal. Like a controversial court case. That always riles up lawyers and law students. 

A few of their officemates take the table next to them, including Junyeong. Tzuyu hears him complain about how he hasn’t been able to book the usual Friday schedule for the past weeks. 

_ Completely relieved _ . 

But not for long.

“At 2AM today, law enforcement took down a large underground prostitution ring,” they get distracted by the breaking news playing on the TV across the cafeteria. 

Tzuyu freezes. 

The news anchor mentions a lot of things. The number of people taken into custody. Law enforcement injured in the operation. Tzuyu just wants the address. She knows Madame Hyerim isn’t running some big-time… establishment or anything. It’s pretty low-key but at the same time, blatantly obvious. But just… what if? 

Sana should be okay.

“… you think they got to our usual place?” one of their officemates asks. 

“Doesn’t seem like it…” 

“That sucks,” Seulgi says, taking a big spoon full of her rice, breaking the silence between the three women. She swallows before speaking, “Those women could get thrown in jail while men could get away without any charges. This is why I hate our legal system. I’d want to be in congress if I could.” 

“Why’s that?” Mina asks. Tzuyu doesn’t take her eyes off the screen. 

“For that reason,” Seulgi points at the TV, “To help women. Write laws to protect women. Yeah, there are laws in place, but they don’t seem enough. It doesn’t feel like it at least. Or maybe a judge. Maybe it's the justice system that needs fixing. I haven’t really thought much about where I’m headed yet,” she shrugs, “The corporate job is losing some of its charm to be honest.” 

Mina nods, but Tzuyu has her eyes glued to the TV screen the whole time. 

The news anchor finally mentions the address. Who wrote her script anyway? 

It’s not Madame Hyerim’s massage parlor. Sana’s safe. Tzuyu lets out a breath of relief. 

_ But not for long. _

“I got my Wednesday free now…” Junyeong says when the news report ends, “… my wife’s got a yoga class then.” 

\- 

Tzuyu knows she shouldn’t be drinking this much. Yes, she’s safe at home and she has Sana with her. Does that make it safer?

She’s just been stressed from work and from trying to find a way to book Sana’s Wednesday schedule too. Madame Hyerim thinks she’s crazy spending all this money on Sana. 

"Is she  _ that _ good?" Madame Hyerim had asked, with a hint of curiosity laced in her teasing tone.

But it’s worth it though. 

Because Sana has been, as Seulgi would put it,  _ absolutely glowing _ . And Tzuyu thinks it’s because of her… or the lack of Junyeong. Whatever it is. Tzuyu wants to bask under Sana’s bright smile and happy eyes. And just the thought of that man, or any person for that matter, hurting Sana is not going to sit well with her. Not when there’s something she can do about it. 

But Tzuyu knows. She’s heard him talk about her again. Her blood curdles every time he speaks. She’d imagined getting up from her desk, marching over to Junyeong while he’s talking with the guys at the office about Sana and smacking a desktop monitor across his face. Or maybe her keyboard. She's not picky. There have been many reimagined instances in her head. All of which involve getting bloody knuckles or keyboard keys flying about and probably getting fired as a result. 

So, when Sana asks, on that one drunken night, “Who hurt you, honey?” while patting her head, Tzuyu loses it. 

Because no one and  _ nothing _ hurts Tzuyu more than knowing Sana gets mistreated.

“No one. No one hurt me…” she says. Her heart aches and her head is throbbing from the thoughts and the alcohol, “Do they hurt you?” 

Tzuyu looks into Sana’s eyes. She hates it. She hates it that people have hurt her and continue to do so. She’s a person, a living, breathing person with rights and deserves to be treated as such. But more than that, she’s  _ Sana _ . Tzuyu just wants Sana's  _ glow  _ lighting up her night. Tzuyu just wants Sana's  _ glow _ to last all throughout her days. She doesn't want that brightness to fade at the hands of a man who just wants to get off on the pain he inflicts on a woman, on  _ Sana _ .

But her emotions get the best of her, as emotions tend to do. Tzuyu practically lunges towards Sana and rips open the first button on Sana’s top. There it is… bruises, scratch marks, bite marks. They’re all covered up with makeup. Tzuyu runs her fingers on them, feeling the slight bumps and indentations of these marks. She sees the slight discoloration of her skin. Her eyebrows furrow and she grits her teeth. The fire continues to burn. She wants justice and peace of mind. But not now. She can’t get that now. 

“Sorry,” Tzuyu says and sits back. What was she thinking? Or she wasn't. And now Sana's furious, pushing Tzuyu against the couch, her eyes piercing through her.

She doesn't know what to do now. How is she supposed to protect Sana now? Tzuyu sighs heavily and reaches for the buttons on Sana's blouse and loops them close.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what got over me."

"Your natural instincts?" Sana scoffs.

Perhaps. Tzuyu just wants to protect Sana, right? Isn't it  _ natural _ to want to help people? Is this what it is? Some altruistic need to help someone less privileged than herself? Or could it be just Sana whom she wants to protect? Her thoughts lull her to a shallow slumber as she closes her eyes. It's just her  _ natural _ instincts. 

It's just  _ natural _ .

It's  _ natural _ to want to protect Sana, to want what's best for her.

It's  _ natural _ , right?

Tzuyu stops the thoughts in her head, and mumbles the words inaudibly, slurred by the soju, "I just want you safe."

She keeps her eyes closed. Sana slaps her cheek to try to wake her up but Tzuyu's too tired. Tired of these thoughts and these people, these monsters. She falls asleep with Sana's warm breath against her face and her sweet orange scent is all she can breathe as she speaks softly, so softly that Tzuyu doesn't understand the words.

\- 

One of the things Tzuyu dislikes about her job,  _ besides  _ the fact that she works with creepy guys, is the deadlines. And people from accounting who take way too long to send her the documents she requested. So, now she has to spend her Friday night, finishing up the company’s tax returns before the statutory deadline.

But Sana seems to be preoccupied on the couch, lazily studying since she got here, with one of Tzuyu’s blankets wrapped around her shoulders. She’s lying on her belly, quietly reading her textbook with sleepy eyes. Tzuyu wonders if Sana knows. Just how much she just enjoys her company, her presence, her mere existence in her life. Since when did Tzuyu enjoy the company of another human in her own home? Only Sana could make her home, even with the presence of another person, still feel like home, still feel safe. And Tzuyu wonders if Sana feels at home here or if she feels safe.

“What?” she asks after a moment, “You’ve been staring at me.”

“Sorry,” Tzuyu looks away before her blush has a chance to expose her thoughts and feelings, “I thought maybe I was typing too loudly, maybe it was distracting you from your studies.”

“Please, Tzuyu,  _ you _ are my favorite distraction,” Sana laughs before going back to her book.

"You've been studying since you arrived," Tzuyu notes, "Maybe you should take a proper break."

Sana tries to suppress a yawn and covers her mouth instead because she really is tired.

"Just one more chapter," Sana says, turning the page. Tzuyu shuts her laptop's cover. She can resume her work later. She signals for Sana to sit up on the couch so she could take a seat next to her.

"Do you know about the law of diminishing marginal utility?" Tzuyu closes the book Sana has been reading.

"Do I look like I know?" Sana rolls her eyes.

She takes out a discarded receipt from her back pocket and Sana's pink pen on the table and begins drawing a graph, starting with the X and Y axes, with relatively equidistant marks on each line to resemble calibrations on a ruler.

"It's when the  _ utility _ or  _ satisfaction _ you receive decreases with the consumption of an additional  _ thing _ ," Tzuyu explains and Sana looks genuinely interested even if Tzuyu doesn't think she's explaining it well. She begins to draw one diagonal line from the bottom left corner of the graph to the top right corner, "So, for example, this line represents the number of cookies you eat," she draws another line from the top left to the bottom right corner, "and this line represents the happiness you receive from eating cookies. If you eat one cookie, you are  _ this _ happy. If you eat a second cookie, you receive less happiness than from eating the first cookie but you still get some amount of happiness from it, and so on and so on, until you reach here. At the point of intersection, this is the maximum amount of happiness you will gain from eating cookies without it making you want to barf. If you keep going, you will get less and less happiness from eating more and more cookies."

Sana has spent the whole time smiling at Tzuyu that she has to wonder if she was actually listening to her at all.

"My point is, if you keep studying non-stop, you will tire yourself out and your brain won't be able to retain everything you read," Tzuyu continues, "Am I making sense?"

"Just say you want me to pay attention to you instead and I'll stop studying," Sana laughs and wraps her arms around Tzuyu's waist, resting her head on her. The blanket that had been hugging Sana earlier slides down, revealing her bare shoulders and Tzuyu tries not to stare, "And yes, I understand your lesson, professor."

"Good," Tzuyu mumbles, her posture unmoving and rigid despite the warmth of Sana's touch that could’ve easily made her melt.

"By that law, do you get less satisfaction the more I spend time with you?" she asks without looking at Tzuyu.

The cold drops of sweat trail down her forehead and the back of her neck. 

"It's just a concept in economics. Not a universal law like gravity or something…" Tzuyu shrugs.

Sana just chuckles. Knowing how well she reads between the lines, Tzuyu thinks she gets it. It may go against the law of diminishing marginal utility, but Tzuyu only gets happier the more time they spend together.

-

“She’ll be graduating and quitting next Tuesday,” Madame Hyerim says over the phone, “I’m guessing our contract will end too, huh?” 

Tzuyu bites her lip. She steps out of the office to talk properly, “Can I still see her one more time?” 

“Sure. I'll tell her to make one last call for you. You’ve been a great customer, Tzuyu.” 

She hangs up. Tzuyu sits on the plant box outside the office. She wants to make this memorable for Sana. Should she bake a cake? Buy her a gift? Get drunk like idiots again? Nah, she wants it to be  _ memorable _ . Should she tell her why she’d been paying for her? How would Sana react to all of it? Should she tell her how she feels? 

For the past months, Tzuyu has had the best Fridays in all her life. She finds herself excited, looking for new activities to do with Sana. When she sees Sana smiling (and not in a flirting way), it gives Tzuyu so much joy that she’d caused it, that somehow, she makes Sana happy and safe even if just for Friday nights. 

She sighs and hides her face in her hands. She doesn’t want this – whatever this is – to stop. 

\- 

There’s a light knock on the door and Tzuyu excitedly gets up. She’d been looking forward to this last night. She’d been trying not to think too sadly about it. She’d been trying not to wonder what her Friday nights will be like from now on. She’s done with her mission now. Sana is safe, away from Junyeong or any man who puts her at risk.

Sure, it hurts her. It really does. When she opens the door, there’s a faint trace of a smile on Sana’s lips. But Tzuyu puts her best face on. Because it’s supposed to be a happy time. Sana graduated and she’s leaving the massage parlor. They should be happy! Even if it means Sana’s leaving her. She runs back to the kitchen to retrieve the cake she’d baked. Well, it looks like a cake and it’s the thought that counts! 

“Congratulations!” Tzuyu places the cake on the table after Sana got a good look at it. She’s kind of spaced out. So, Tzuyu goes over to hug her. There have been many times that they’ve had rather close… encounters, where Sana has tried to touch her one way or another, but this moment right now beats all the moments prior. Sana smells kind of like oranges and Tzuyu has gotten used to it so much. She wonders if she’ll cry every time she slices the fruit. Pulling away, Tzuyu notices that Sana has started crying. 

_ Oh, God. What do I do?  _

__

So, she starts laughing and wiping away the tears from Sana’s eyes, “Hey, why are you crying? I’m sorry I did all this. Maybe you didn’t want me to know. But Madame Hyerim told me anyway. She said this wasn’t officially a session since you’ve kind of already quit and all so I don’t have to pay. But I was really excited to bake you a cake so I asked her to tell you to come by. It’s just vanilla but I made the icing with some strawberry flavoring I found at the baking depot. And--” 

_ Oh, God. She can’t stop crying!  _

“Hey,” Tzuyu panics. What does she do? She looks around to find something to distract Sana but she’s so lost. She pats Sana’s head instead, “I promise the cake tastes good.” 

She got a laugh from Sana even though the tears are still falling. Tzuyu never knows what to do when people cry in front of her. But if she can get a laugh out of Sana, then it’s alright, she guesses.

-

Tzuyu thinks Sana’s going to wake up with a headache tomorrow from all this crying. And when Sana leaves, Tzuyu’s going to have a good cry for herself too. She gives her the gift she’d been working on. A blanket, she guesses, is sort of like a running gag for them. Sana loves blankets now so why not give her one? A personalized one at that. Watching Sana clutch it close to her chest makes Tzuyu so glad. She wonders if she got Sana socks, would she still be happy? 

"There's more," Tzuyu smiles, the blush slowly creeping its way up her neck, "Close your eyes." 

Tzuyu wonders if she should. This is ridiculous. Sana can’t possibly want this. The only reason Sana wanted to kiss her, or touch her, or sleep with her was because she was getting paid to do it. Now that she’s not, why would she want it? 

But maybe this is the closure they need. Tzuyu leans in. She’s glad she told Sana to close her eyes. She can’t imagine the blush on her cheeks and ears now. Maybe this is the best way to end things.

"I know you've been wanting this for so long and maybe you haven't thought about it for some time because I keep saying no and pushing you away,” she laughs, but her voice cracks a bit, “I don’t know if this is still what you want. Somehow, I don’t know how to be anything more to you. And if this is all I can give you, I hope this is enough." 

Sana sits still with her eyes closed. Tzuyu can feel her warm breath as she gets closer. She swallows all her inhibitions, before diving right in. The moment their lips meet isn’t fireworks. It’s a soft moment, peaceful even. Just something so  _ natural _ . Like something that happens  _ just because _ . It’s a moment she had never seen coming when they first met, but right now it just feels so right. Sana’s lips aren’t fire like she’d thought. Her kiss isn’t hungry. She seems content that this is what Tzuyu gives her. 

"Was that okay? I didn't ask for permission and went right in. I'm sorry." 

"It was perfect," Sana says. Her soft smile turns into a smirk paired with a wink, "Would I be pushing my luck if I asked for more?" 

Tzuyu looks away. Her heart immediately races in her chest. Because she  _ does _ want more.

\- 

Just like every other night before this last one, Tzuyu insists that Sana stay. She doesn’t have to. Tzuyu doesn't have an envelope for her anymore. It’s not even that late and Tzuyu has no excuse to keep her around any longer than she should. Just to delay the inevitable. She stands behind Sana as she puts her sandals on.

Tzuyu asks again what Sana plans to do in the summer, if only to fill the air with that voice she knows she won’t hear again. Sana reminds her that she’ll be going home for a while and bonks her forehead for forgetting their earlier conversation.

Sana straightens her jacket and smiles at Tzuyu. But she doesn't smile back. She can barely look her in the eyes, too scared to be drawn into them. She should let go.

"Thank you," Sana circles her arms around Tzuyu's waist and rests her chin on her shoulder in a homey embrace, "for everything."

Sana's so warm. She feels like home. And Tzuyu never thought anyone could be that way for her. Unimaginable. And how can she go on without this warmth or this home that she's grown to love?

And as Sana pulls away slowly, in the slowest fashion possible for Tzuyu's racing heart, she holds her arms, squeezing them gently.

"Sana."

Tzuyu leans in.

Sana hums in response.

Their foreheads touch, their breathing in sync.

"It's getting late."

She tilts her head.

Just a thread away from her lips.

"Maybe you should stay."

Tzuyu takes a deep breath. She knows.  _ Oh _ , she knows this will hurt. When their lips meet again for the second time tonight, Tzuyu never wants to bid them goodbye. She never wants to forget the scent of orange blossom and the taste of cherry on those pink lips. So, she pulls her closer, impossibly closer to herself. It’s not like their first kiss. No, Tzuyu doesn’t let it stop at an innocent peck. Sana doesn’t stop her either. Tzuyu is the first to lose all sense of control. She lets her tongue slip past Sana’s lips. The words fail to escape Sana’s mouth. The only thing that she utters is a muffled moan. The only thing she can taste is Sana’s mouth, the only scent is Sana’s breath. Tzuyu feels Sana’s eyelashes flutter close, brushing her face lightly. 

She breaks the kiss to trail her lips along Sana's jaw and down her neck. And the way Sana knocks her head back to give Tzuyu freer access to her skin makes her dizzy. She wants more.

But Sana places her hands on Tzuyu's shoulders, pushing her away, as she catches her breath.

_ Oh. _

"I'm sor-"

"Tzuyu," Sana stops her mid-sentence, her eyes dark and intense, her breathing shallow as she stares at Tzuyu, "do you want this?" And Tzuyu can't meet her eyes. She can only feel the heat in her cheeks because,  _ yes _ , she wants this. She wants  _ her _ , "Because if you say yes I won't be able to stop myself."

She captures her lips in a desperate kiss, hoping Sana would get the answer from her actions.

"Tzuyu," she pulls away again, "I need you to say it."

Tzuyu sighs.

“Yes,” she says before cupping Sana’s face and bringing her in for another kiss, "Stay."

So, Sana does. She stays for the night. One more time.

\- 

There’s a rustling on the other side of the room. Careful albeit clumsy little footsteps and a thud against the bed frame.

Sana collects her clothes that have been strewn all over the place. Tzuyu doesn’t open her eyes, doesn’t let Sana know that she’s awake and that her lungs have started to feel heavy at the thought of her leaving without saying another word. She feels her presence approach her side of the bed. Sana brushes the loose strands of hair away from Tzuyu’s face. Her touch is gentle and careful, so light that it’s barely there. Almost as if to say that this is but a dream. She places a soft kiss on her forehead. 

And she’s gone. 

Maybe it is for the best. Maybe she’ll try to believe her own words. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wew! Sorry for the long wait! And sorry if this doesn't seem as good as previous chapters. It feels a bit rushed even. But I didn't want to drag this part on for so long since I'm already umm really behind haha. I feel like I had a lot to say about this chapter while writing it but they're completely lost haha. I'll write down what I remember and add on later whatever I recall.
> 
> 1\. SORRY IF THIS STORY HAS HURT YALL TWICE??? TWICE!!! (NO PUN INTENDED)  
> 2\. So, now that we have caught up with the story, the question now is where will the story go from this point forward? Or am I the only one asking that? lol so if you want to know what happens next, please wait with respect! I'm working on this in my free time/whenever I can or feel like it haha.  
> 3\. I actually wrote a whole ~2k worth of words of some smexy times. But eventually scrapped it. Let me know though if you want to read it though. I might post it elsewhere or as a separate story or at the end of this story.  
> 4\. This chapter was kind of difficult to write (also the next chapter). I didn't want it to feel too rushed or too different of a story from the first part. But this is definitely like "Act II" as with the previous chapter. So, yes, it's gonna be hard to write and read because these are like transition chapters sort of. But hopefully we can get through it, my friends!  
> 5\. Okay, I hope yall have been streaming ICSM! And voting on those darned voting apps! Fighting, Onces!  
> 6\. Again!!! This goes without saying, this is a work of fiction, ayt? And it does noooot try to depict any real life occurrences or events, okay? We're mature people and we understand this fact. Okay.
> 
> As always, if you've stuck with me since Chapter 1 (or if you came here because you've read my other stories omo) or even if you haven't (then you wouldn't be reading this lol), thanks so much for sticking by my side! Noticed that we just passed 6k hits!!! That's like... a lot. If we do the math, if one person has read each chapter at least once, this story would have reached... 600 people hahaha! Realistically, probably not haha. If we count by kudos, it would be ~300 people. SORRY I AM A NERD. 
> 
> IN ANY CASE, thank you all for reading, for the kudos and the coins you've dropped on ko-fi (ko-fi.com/trashfortwice). Shoutout to the person who dropped a looot of coins!!! I want to say I don't do it for the money but, girl, it helps. It really does. Thank you!!! So much!!!
> 
> Lastly, feel free to comment! I really appreciate them! At least let me know there are still people reading (and waiting with respect!) for updates haha. Thank you and stay safe!
> 
> [EDIT]: Haha did yall like the economics lesson? 😅


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She forgets things like what she was wearing that day, how the weather was or what happened at work. But she remembers the smell of grilled meat, spilled soju, Sana’s orange-like scent. She remembers the sting of alcohol. She remembers the way Sana makes her feel, warm and fuzzy. It wasn’t the alcohol. Tzuyu is certain. It’s strange to think about it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, I had to the time to update lol. BUT! The main reason I am updating is hopefully to bring awareness to what is going on in the Philippines right now. Not making this political, because it really isn't. Many people have lost their loved ones and their homes due to the flooding caused by Typhoon Ulysses. Entire cities and towns submerged in flood water. It's honestly so, so heartbreaking. These affected areas are one of the main agricultural resources (particularly rice) in the country, so this also greatly affects the economy and country as a whole.
> 
> So, if you have the time, please read this cardd: https://helptheph.carrd.co/
> 
> And if you have the means to do so, please donate to legitimate donation drives and organizations. I've shared some on my twitter page but the cardd has some links as well. Please help the country rise up in these circumstances. We've been through a lot honestly. With the pandemic and all. And even if you can't assist financially, spreading awareness helps.
> 
> Okay, I think I've said what I needed to say. Please enjoy this chapter. :)

The sun is smiling and the birds are singing. Children are playing at the park, running around with their little friends, climbing trees and skinning their knees. Spring could not have come sooner. The ice cream vendor gives Tzuyu a free scoop because he says it’s such a beautiful day and it’s such a waste to not enjoy the sun and fun. In truth, he’s probably really glad to meet his sales quota for the day because Seulgi bought two 32-ounce containers of some yogurt berry mix and brownie fudge, which she claims she will share with her roommate. Mina thinks otherwise but Tzuyu could hardly care. 

Despite her best attempts to remain unnoticed by her peers, they have undoubtedly caught on to her gloomy disposition. They must be very good friends then, Tzuyu thinks, for them to notice such a slight change in her character. She’s usually quite… neutral. Maybe it’s because she’s been taking extra long lunch breaks by herself or because she shows up later than usual to work, which is still earlier than everyone else to be honest. Or that she doesn’t bother interacting during meetings and shrugs off everyone’s attempts to talk to her unless it was purely about work. She submits her deliverables a bit later than normal and she doesn’t leave little stickers for Seulgi anymore. Or just her long exasperated sighs in the middle of work hours that she thinks no one hears.

She supposes that’s the reason why they brought her to the ice cream shop in the first place. To hopefully uplift her spirits. 

It doesn’t work. 

“Tzuyu.”

It’s not like she can just tell them about her deepest despair, the reason for her agony and this seemingly unending turmoil. That she had given her whole heart to a woman who probably didn’t love her back in the same way. If she did, she wouldn’t have left, would she? Even after she asked her to stay, she chose to leave.

“Tzuyu…” 

Would it even help her to talk about these things? Could her friends aid to lift this weight on her chest that makes it feel like she’s drowning with every breath of air she takes? Would it become easier to get up in the morning and look at all the remnants of Sana that she had left in her apartment? Will she forget this pain?

The funny thing is… she doesn’t want to. It’s not masochistic, is it? No, Tzuyu doesn’t  _ enjoy _ the pain. Heck, no. But she wouldn’t have changed a thing, even if it led to  _ this _ .

There is no room for regret. Yes, it  _ hurts _ . A million times over, she would replay the ending scene. Again and again. She would go through it in her head. Could she have done something different? Said something else? 

_ “Tzuyu, I need you to say it.” _

No. Sana is better off now.

_ “Yes. Stay.” _

They should be happy it ended this way.

“TZUYU!” 

Mina yells. It’s the loudest she’d ever been and she covers her mouth instantly. The ice cream vendor nearly drops his scooper. Even Seulgi jumps from her sudden outburst. Tzuyu’s ice cream was melting and had started to drip to the ground. She hadn’t been paying attention at all. 

“Ah, sorry,” Tzuyu says, quickly finishing whatever is left of her ice cream. 

“What’s with you today?” Mina asks, taking out some napkins from the counter.

Mina’s words barely register in Tzuyu’s head. 

If she doesn’t regret it, why should she care? Why does she keep holding on to the pain?

What is it? Why does this heartbreak hurt so much worse than anything else she’d been through? 

Sana doesn’t owe her anything just because Tzuyu was nice to her. Sana doesn’t need to stick around. It’s over now. She should move on. Sana probably already has.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Seulgi asks, sincerely concerned about the well-being of her junior.

“No, I’m fine.” 

“No, you aren’t,” Mina sighs. 

Tzuyu turns around to go back to the office. Their lunch break is over anyway. She hopes they get the message. 

-

Mina carries a stack of envelopes she got from the mailroom and hands one envelope to Tzuyu while wearing her signature gummy smile. What is she so happy about? Tzuyu’s sorry she can’t return the same enthusiasm as she accepts the envelope.

It has Ewha Women’s University’s seal stamped on it. 

Tzuyu has completely forgotten about it as with a lot of things in her life that do not revolve around a certain woman’s smile that she can only picture in her memory. Mina is still standing next to her, waiting for her to open the envelope.

“What are you waiting for?” Mina chuckles, “You’ve already been accepted. This is just a formal letter.”

True. But Tzuyu isn’t in a celebratory mood. To please Mina and maybe to get her to leave her alone, she opens the envelope anyway. It was the acceptance letter from Ewha Law School and the list of requirements she has to submit for enrollment.

She’d decided to give it a shot a few months ago. After much encouragement from Mina and Seulgi, she applied for it, not really thinking about whether she'd get accepted or not.

But now everything is set. She can’t believe she’s going to law school. And it’s all because of Sana. Well, not entirely. She supposes Sana was the catalyst for change though it didn’t seem apparent then. 

_ “You could be one, you know? A lawyer I mean.” _

She’d thought about it a lot. It made the most sense. So she submitted her application not long after Sana had mentioned it.

Seulgi and Mina had been pushing it for a while too, saying Tzuyu already had the equivalent knowledge of licensed law practitioners. 

Tzuyu wishes she could say the same. When classes have finally begun, she spends all her time reading and studying and fighting the urge to swim in a pool of coffee because it would give her those darn palpitations.

Oral recitations are really the worst. Essays are fine. Multiple choice exams are fine. But if you ask Tzuyu to stand up with her legs and hands shaking, sweat dripping from her forehead and the answer stuck somewhere between her throat and her stomach, she really can’t bring herself to spit out the words she knows would get her the full credits. Not when those professors twist the questions and turn her words around.

She just needs to keep one thing in her mind to get her through this.

The three years in law school are going to pass by quickly, she thinks. And what a great distraction from her all-encompassing thoughts of Sana that take over her mind and her every day. Truthfully, it has been hard.  _ So hard _ . Shouldn’t she be over her by now? Time does  _ not  _ heal all wounds apparently. She scoffs. 

“Ms. Chou,” her professor calls her out of her daze during one of her classes, “Please elaborate your answer for the case study.”

_ Damn it. _

-

“Why did you want to go to law school?” Sunmi asks her one afternoon after everyone has left the room during one of their weekly update meetings, “You’ve never shown interest before.” 

“You’re right, I guess,” Tzuyu says, closing her planner and keeping her pen in her pocket, "It wasn’t really an overnight decision or anything."

No, it wasn't a simple flick of a switch. It was tiny baby steps, tiny turning points. It was a trigger here, a trigger there. The things people said, the things Tzuyu heard. Everything added up to this. 

The more Tzuyu thinks about it, the clearer it becomes. Her thoughts. Her reasoning. She arranges them like she would her work tasks and her study schedule. When it all came down to it, it was  _ that  _ night. The moment she saw Sana for the first time, when she hid in that dinky convenience store across the massage parlor, Tzuyu couldn't bear to see her sad eyes. And she couldn't ignore it either. Tzuyu swore she wouldn’t let this go. She wouldn’t let  _ her  _ go. It was this paramount force that made her walk through those massage parlor doors, throw her money at Madame Hyerim, and demand that she have Sana’s Friday schedule. 

Tzuyu wanted to do the  _ right thing _ . 

But it wasn’t just that, was it? She had unknowingly tripped all over herself falling for the woman and her smile, her laugh, the way she held her even if Tzuyu didn't admit to liking it. The way she seemed genuinely interested in Tzuyu and whatever vague statements she had to say. And her stubbornness and reluctance to just let Tzuyu take care of her for the smallest things. But each time she did let Tzuyu take care of her, it filled her with joy and a sense of comfort - that Sana was happy with this.

She wondered how many other women went through whatever hell Sana went through. And Tzuyu wasn’t going to go around booking every woman’s schedule now, was she? She doesn’t have the money for it. Or the emotional capacity.

Seulgi’s words often came to mind. That the legal system or the judicial system needs fixing. In any case, Tzuyu thought her goal could only be best achieved if she became a lawyer.

And so, Tzuyu concluded, after much thought and self-reflection, sitting by the rooftop of her apartment building on empty nights, that this was the best decision. Because it was the only way she knew how. The only way she can continue to do the  _ right thing _ . Even without the benefit of having Sana next to her or even without benefiting Sana directly.

Because wasn't that the whole point of this from the very beginning?

“I realized my goal can only be achieved with such a title.” 

“And what goal might that be?” Sunmi asks curiously with an quirked eyebrow. 

“To do the right thing.” 

-

Law school is  _ not  _ easy despite Seulgi and Sunmi telling Tzuyu that she and Mina would definitely go through it like a breeze. She’s grateful for Mina though. Sharing notes and resources has been a big help and before she knows it, she finishes one whole year of law school. Well, it wasn’t  _ just like that _ . It was sleepless nights spent studying till the crack of dawn, sweaty hands during oral recitations and racking up the words to use for lengthy essays to defend the fictional innocent lives of made up case studies. Two more years, she thinks. 

“You know,” Mina says, in between one of their study sessions in her apartment. Papers and books are sprawled across the table and floor and so is Tzuyu, lying down, looking absolutely defeated by real estate regulations. She turns to face Mina, who continues her thoughts, “you never told me why you took up law.” 

“You never asked,” Tzuyu says. 

“You were going through something then, weren’t you?” Mina surmises, “I was worried that whatever that was would make studying harder. Or was law school your distraction? Law school’s a pretty damaging distraction, don’t you think>” Mina laughs dryly, “But you’re doing pretty well for yourself. So, I thought maybe you really did have a good reason. Has that reason for starting kept you going?” 

Tzuyu looks at her. She remembers _ that thing _ that she was going through and to be honest she’s still going through it. But she’d never spoken to Mina about it. Or to anyone for that matter. Where would she start? 

Mina closes the book she was reading and puts her glasses down on the table. 

“Where is this coming from?” Tzuyu laughs. She and Mina have been all work and no (or very little) play ever since. Their friendship has been entirely centered around work and school. Not that they didn’t care about or for each other. Tzuyu always brings Mina a cup of coffee when they study in the school library and Mina always wakes Tzuyu up when she falls asleep in the study hall. But other than that, they’ve been very… professional. She thinks that’s the best word. 

“I don’t know,” Mina smiles and proceeds to lie down next to Tzuyu and their mess of review materials. They both stare at the ceiling, floating through case studies and whatever codes they still have yet to read, “Remember when we were teasing you before? How you were  _ glowing _ ?” she laughs, recalling the fond memory, “You were so happy then. You never really told us about that. And I don’t mean to pry. But… did that end?”

Tzuyu doesn't answer. What  _ were _ they? Friends? Lovers? On paper, she was just a customer to Sana. In the end, was that all they were to each other? A consummated business transaction? Tzuyu closes her eyes, clutching the hem of her shirt. She wants to say something. She knows she can trust Mina. But she can't bring herself to say what she really felt and still continues to feel about Sana.

"How is it that you manage to connect the right dots?" Tzuyu laughs just the slightest.

"Do you want to move on?"

"I feel like I should."

"You didn't answer my question," Mina chuckles, "You'd make a great lawyer. At least answer my first question. Your reason for studying law, has it kept you going?"

“Is heartbreak and misery a good enough reason?” Tzuyu snorts. She’d never thought she’d ever make jokes that jab at her own person, "We should study now."

"I have some soju in the fridge."

"That sounds good too."

-

Tzuyu hasn’t had time to prepare dinner tonight. Work was murder and she had to (not literally) run all the way to school to make it to her class in time. So, she decides to go to the  _ ajumma’s  _ restaurant across the street. She hates going there now despite wanting to support the small business. There’s always something heavy over her shoulders whenever she opens the doors and sees that menu board and the nice  _ ajumma  _ behind the counter asking how Tzuyu’s friend is doing.

The  _ ajumma  _ never seems to forget that day she bought a bowl of  _ samgyetang  _ for Sana.

Sana.

Sana and her violent diarrhea.

Sana and her sparkling brown eyes.

Sana and her teasing smirk.

Sana and her soft smile.

Sana and her sweet kisses.

She groans. Tzuyu’s never going to forget about Sana, is she? That even a bowl of soup makes her remember all the little moments they spent together. Stupid  _ samgyetang _ . Stupid violent diarrhea.

“How’s your friend?” the  _ ajumma  _ asks as per usual, with her bright smile and eye crinkles.

Tzuyu only says she’s doing fine.

“Sorry, about my mother,” a woman carrying a tray of dirty dishes walks over to the counter. She assumes she’s the  _ ajumma’s  _ daughter, “She tends to repeat her questions.”

“It’s fine.” It really is. 

The  _ ajumma’s  _ restaurant is better for her heart than the  _ ahjussi’s  _ pub next door anyway. Mostly because the food they serve isn’t grilled pork fat or deep fried pork fat or any other way pork fat may be served. But that’s besides the point. The  _ ahjussi’s _ pub just reminds her  _ too much _ of Sana. They did have dinner there once. And a spilled drink.

It’s strange. The memories seem to fade a bit. It’s only been about two years. But she can’t seem to pinpoint every little detail as much as she’d like. And she’d recount their moments together a thousand times in her head. She forgets things like what she was wearing that day, how the weather was or what happened at work. But she remembers the smell of grilled meat, spilled soju, Sana’s orange-like scent. She remembers the sting of alcohol. She remembers the way Sana makes her feel,  _ warm and fuzzy _ . It wasn’t the alcohol. Tzuyu is certain. It’s strange to think about it now.

-

Tzuyu has never really been one to initiate interactions with people. For one, she prefers keeping to herself. If people want something from her, they’d approach her, right? She does the same anyway.

So when Kim Dahyun sits next to her in the library, asking to borrow some notes, Tzuyu doesn’t really think much about it. They don’t talk to each other often unless Dahyun says something first and she’s been the friendlier one between the two of them. She then asks if Tzuyu wants to join her at this party with a bunch of her friends from work. At first, it seems like the most unusual thing to ask Tzuyu until Dahyun makes her point clear when they meet her friends at this bar.

“Chaeyoung ah! This is Tzuyu,” she greets, her eyes disappearing into her wide, cheeky smile. She doesn’t bother introducing Tzuyu to their other friends. Very clear intent indeed.

She can’t quite place it. This girl with the short blonde hair looks eerily familiar. She punches Dahyun’s shoulder at the rather obvious hint of her true purpose of bringing Tzuyu along.

“Sorry about that,” Chaeyoung says to Tzuyu while Dahyun goes and has a conversation with two of their other friends whose names were never mentioned, “Dahyun’s crazy, but you already probably know that.”

So. Eerily. Familiar.

“I feel like I’ve seen you before,” Chaeyoung taps her chin, squinting her eyes as if the answer is in the details of Tzuyu’s face. At least they’re on the same page. She snaps her fingers, “I know! I’ve seen you at school!”

Great, now Tzuyu feels bad for not remembering her classmate. 

“You asked me where Sana was during one of our exam days.”

Tzuyu’s eyes widened at the mention of the name.  _ Sana. _ She goes through the memory of that day, going all the way to Sana’s classroom to return her book. She did ask a girl if Sana was around.

It feels like her soul has left her body at that thought that here, right now, is her one connection to Sana.

What should she ask her? Has she had any contact with Sana since they graduated? Do they still keep in touch? Where is Sana now? She grips her glass of soju so hard it might just snap and break in her fingers.

“You okay?” Chaeyoung asks.

Tzuyu swallows the panic down her throat. No, she shouldn’t ask. It’s weird. Dahyun brought her here to hook her up with this girl.

“Ah, do you know where Sana is now?”

_ Rude _ .

“Haven’t actually spoken to her since we graduated,” she says.

And now Tzuyu can’t listen to a single thing Chaeyoung is saying because the only thing on her mind now is  _ Sana _ . As if she ever left her mind. She feels kind of crappy for barely nodding in response when Chaeyoung is so enthusiastically explaining things about painting to her. She’s sorry. The only thing she wants to do now is leave.

-

The first semester of her second year of law school passes just as fast as the first. While Tzuyu would rather hibernate the whole summer, they have a company outing she must attend because Mina has convinced her that she can teach her how to swim. She ends up thrashing in the water begging for Mina to take her back to shore. She isn’t sure if that’s sea water or tears stinging her eyes. But for the most part, the company outing is fun. The beach is fine. The heat makes her skin tingle and the sunlight makes everything shine. Though she’d much rather do without the stares she receives from her work colleagues, asking if she’d like to take a dip in the pool or the sea. It really doesn’t matter what she’s wearing. She’s covered up in a long-sleeve rash guard and shorts and she still gets unwanted advances. Tzuyu politely declines. Does she need a giant sign above her head that says she’s not interested in them? She sits comfortably under the giant umbrella deeply anchored into the sand, making the little castle of her dreams. 

She wonders if Sana would enjoy the beach. She never asked that. She only knew Sana went to her hometown. It remains a memory and Tzuyu might never really know if she really did go home to see her grandma's cows. 

Tzuyu sighs to herself. She has long since surrendered to these thoughts, that she’ll never really get over Sana. That she’ll pop up in her head every now and then. And Tzuyu has to just accept the fact that Sana just exists there, rent free.

Well, if there’s one thing she admires about Sana, it’s that she has managed to live a life so independent of her past, her family, while still maintaining a good relationship with them. But not with Tzuyu though. Not that she can blame Sana. She said so herself. She really can't hold anything against the girl. She never bothered to go back to Tzuyu in the last two or so years. She must be doing good in life. It’s not a bitter thought or anything.

No. It’slonging.

“Tzuyu-ah!” Seulgi calls out from the distance with a beach volleyball under arm, “Come play with me!”

How is this girl older than her but she’s so adorably child-like?

Tzuyu begrudgingly gets up and joins her with some of their other colleagues to play a light game of beach volleyball. Seulgi begs Tzuyu to be on her team because she’s tall and has long arms. As if skill is not required for this competitive sport.

She wonders if Sana plays volleyball. Does she play any kind of sport? Tzuyu snorts. Even when she's supposed to be having fun, she still thinks about Sana. After all this time.

When night falls and Tzuyu gets out of her skin-sticking rash guard and into a more loose shirt that finally lets her skin breathe the cool sea breeze, she gathers with her colleagues around a campfire on the beach. Someone brought a guitar with them and Seulgi decides, after a few bottles, that she should make the beach her concert ground. The best part is that she really does sing and play well, even when her words are a bit slurred.

Mina scoots over to Tzuyu's side till their shoulders bump and offers her a bottle of beer.

"Seulgi unnie is really drunk," Mina notes as they look at the girl performing an encore no one asked for, "We should probably take her to the room in a while."

Tzuyu nods despite how much she's enjoying the show.

"So, how have you been?"

"You sound as if we don't see each other every day," Tzuyu raises her eyebrow in confusion.

Mina smiles softly, "I know you don't like talking about it, but it's been two years, hasn't it?"

"Why are you keeping track?" Tzuyu laughs as she takes a sip of the beer her office mates bought. She still hates beer.

"I care," Mina says.

"Would you believe me if I said I'm okay?"

"Just so I wouldn't ask how you're doing?"

They laugh lightly. it's funny how they  _ know  _ each other so well yet know so little  _ about  _ the other. It's a nice kind of friendship in a way. One that doesn't need much effort to keep. One that doesn't really need words to make sense.

"I guess I'm still not okay. Is that stupid?"

Tzuyu stretches her legs out on the warm sand, wriggling her feet to send those tiny particles away from her toes.

"No," Mina shakes her head, "I don't want to raise your hopes up or anything, but maybe someday you'll find them again, in different circumstances."

In different circumstances.

Tzuyu repeats the last part. Maybe. 

As Seulgi ends her show and slumps next to the two girls, Tzuyu thinks that, perhaps, in different circumstances, she would've been happier if she'd done something else or if she had done nothing at all. But she wouldn't have traded any of those wonderfully sweet and warm moments with Sana, even if it meant this nearly two-year long (and counting) heartbreak tears her apart every so often.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, this chapter was kind of idk, comforting? If I see another comment about how it would be fine if the story ends this way, idk what I'm going to do HAHAHA should I just end it already? 🤣😂
> 
> Anyway, hope you read the notes at the start of the chapter because that was really important to me. No self-promos this time haha. Stay safe and take care, everyone! Spread love and kindness only!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sana closes her eyes, imagining what must it be like if she had the courage to say the words that banged at the walls of her heart, threatening to break free. What must it be like if she didn’t leave?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Enjoy the update, stay safe and be kind! 💖

It's the second time this week that Ryujin was sent to Sana's office.  _ And it's still Wednesday _ . The first time was because she hit a boy on the head because he said something mean about her friend. Something about smelling like farts, which is rather immature. They're twelve for crying out loud. Can't they come up with better insults? Okay, that's besides the point. 

"Is Ms. Bae giving you a hard time?" Sana pushes her glasses up so it sits up on her nose bridge. She’s a classic ruffian, really, with short messy hair and eyebrows constantly furrowed in anger. Ryujin doesn't answer. Just crosses her arms with her enraged teen spirit overflowing from every fiber of her being. It’s such a contrast to Sana’s otherwise peaceful and quaint little blue office with sunlight streaming through the blinds. The color and atmosphere and the scented diffuser are supposed to calm people down, not make them angrier, "I know she's strict but that's because she cares about you." 

No answer. 

Shin Ryujin is most likely unafraid of her homeroom teacher, Bae Joohyun, who has been known to run her classes like the military. But she's really nice to Sana! And very pretty, might she add. Probably the most feared-slash-respected teacher (for students, teachers  _ and _ parents) in this school, Joohyun is ironically one of the warmest persons there. She often treats some of the faculty members to meals and even includes Sana, who technically isn't part of the faculty,  _ per se _ . So, Sana assumes she treats her students fairly well, despite her possibly stern character.

"Was it that boy, Ilsung, again? Did he call your friend a… fart again?" Sana rests her chin on her palm, still waiting for Ryujin to look up and face her. She just fidgets in her seat, uncrossing her arms. Sana notices the cut on her knuckles. Joohyun already told Sana what had transpired but she'd like to hear it from Ryujin herself, "You know, Ryujin-ah, you're one of my favorite kids in this school." 

The words perk her ears up, and she looks at Sana just the slightest bit. Ryujin is a kid and, really, all kids want is some attention and care. 

"If not for you," Sana continues, opening her planner and writing nonsense and doodling scribbles as if to look busy, "my days would be so boring." 

Ryujin snorts, "School is boring. Why do you even work here?" 

Why  _ does _ she work here? It's been about two years since she started. This was her first job out of college. Being a school counselor wasn’t exactly her  _ dream _ . Come to think of it, Sana doesn’t really have a “dream.” She thinks of the things she’d wanted to do. Get a master’s degree in her field. Probably work in a clinic or hospital, somewhere she could really put to good use her knowledge. Save money for her parents and her grandmother so they can move to a bigger house. But are these considered dreams? She hasn’t done anything to achieve those goals or “dreams” or whatever they should be called. Has she taken the steps to move closer to those things she'd sought out to do after graduation? Did she achieve anything worthwhile? Is her “normal life” everything she ever thought it would be? 

Now's not the time to be having a career crisis. Nor let it escalate into an  _ existential _ crisis. 

"Hmm," Sana ponders, "I don't really know, Ryujin-ah. Why do  _ you _ go to school?" 

"Because I don't get an allowance if I don't come here," Ryujin scoffs. 

Fair enough. 

"I guess we have the same reason," Sana chuckles, "But I'm not here getting called into someone's office every other day because I smacked someone’s head." 

She sighs, "He said my friends and I smelled like dog poop, okay? So, I hit him." 

"In the face?" 

She nods. 

“Broke his nose?”

She shrugs.

"Did you get a good hit at least?" Sana whispers. 

Ryujin laughs, "I think. Blood was dripping," she sighs, "I'm sorry for causing trouble, Ms. Minatozaki." 

"It's okay. I'll have a talk with Ilsung once he gets out of the clinic. And you should have yourself checked too," Sana points to her hands which she covered up instantly, "Do you know why he calls you farts and dog poop?" 

"They say it's because he likes me or my friends," Ryujin scoffs. Who the hell tells kids that being a bully equals love and affection? That’s such wrong conditioning. 

"Unlikely," Sana shakes her head, "That doesn't make sense now, does it? If he likes you, he'd be nice to you," Ryujin nods, "It's probably because you react, you let all the teasing get to you. He feeds off of that attention he gets from you and your friends." 

"Huh?" 

Sana lightly taps her forehead with her pen. Two years of working in this school and Sana still doesn’t know how to talk to kids, "Try and be level-headed. I mean, keep your cool. Don't be so brash and throw your fist at the first instance someone calls you names." 

"But what if they don't stop? Hitting him in the face made him stop." 

"No," Sana shakes her head, "Acting in the moment of… I mean, when you feel really mad, you might end up doing things that you won't like later on. Like right now. Do you like being here? Do you like it when Ms. Bae sends you to my office? Do you like getting a cut on your hand?" 

The little girl lowers her head, "No, Ms. Minatozaki." 

"Hey, don't be down about it," Sana says, patting her head, the little girl looking absolutely glum and apologetic, "I'll tell Ms. Bae I gave you a good scolding so she doesn't bother you anymore." 

Ryujin laughs a bit at that, "Are you going to give Ilsung a scolding too?" 

"Oh, you know I will," Sana nods, “But listen, Ryujin-ah. This is a serious matter, okay? I don’t want to have to call your parents to come here and have a talk with me  _ and  _ Ilsung’s parents. That’s just going to get really messy.” 

The little girl nods. 

“I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you join an after-school club? Think of it as community service,” Sana figures it would be useful to have this girl channel her energy into something else besides punching people in the face or smacking their heads. 

“Community service?” 

“Never mind that. Are you interested in anything? Singing? Dancing? Sports? I’ll ask the club advisor to get you a spot. I have a few strings I can pull,” Sana winks. It’s a school, not black market trading though, “I’ll make sure you and Ilsung don’t end up in the same club. So you get the first pick.” 

Ryujin sits there for a while, thinking long and hard about what club to join. She finally mumbles, “I heard theater is fun… Yuna is there.” 

Sana writes actual words in her planner this time. She looks up and gives her a big smile, “Great. I’ll tell Ms. Park to include you in the club.” She sends her off to the clinic to get her scratch tended. Sana sighs and hopes the kid doesn’t get into trouble anymore. She ties her shoulder-length dark brown hair into a ponytail so she can resume her activities. 

Her career and existential crisis. 

\- 

Joohyun invites Sana out to join her and some of the faculty members at the end of the week. And, yes, Sana really could use a drink right about now. There's no occasion. Just a regular destressing Friday night. 

"I stumbled upon this website recently," Sooyoung says, a little bit buzzed already. She shows the group a site for… escort services. And everyone goes on a laughing fit. Because, well, Sooyoung  _ does _ look like the type who could be an escort. She’s tall, has a beautiful face, with brains and a quick wit to match. "I know, I know," she laughs too because she agrees, "I was just thinking I'd really like the extra cash. My sister’s starting college. And I still have my own student loans to pay. I don’t want to stress my parents out with making monthly payments, you know. It's not like the teacher's salary can cut it." 

They agree on the salary part. Sana doesn't say anything, doesn’t even think to mention her previous… occupation, so to speak. Sure, escort services are  _ different _ . It doesn't exactly entail sex all the time. For the most part, escort services are paid companionship. But sex isn’t out of the question. Sooyoung looks like the type who wouldn’t mind the extra services either. If she gets the right clients who respect her boundaries and pay very well, then why not? As long as she doesn't get caught, right? In Sooyoung’s case, the risk of getting her teacher’s license revoked is up there… but the money is good. Life is about trade-offs, isn’t it?

"You're crazy, Sooyoung," Nayeon laughs, knocking back another shot of soju, "Are you serious? What if people find out?" 

Nayeon's not exactly uptight. She's pretty laid back actually. So, Sana's a bit surprised when Nayeon, of all people, brings up the risks. She'd have expected Joohyun to say something, but she hasn't spoken against it either.

"I’m just thinking about it!” Sooyoung quickly defends herself, “And people won't find out," she waves her hand, hopefully swatting everyone’s worries away, "I've only told you guys and I know you won't tell anyone, right?" 

They all nod in agreement - a sisterly pact of silence. And Sana remains quiet for the rest of the night. 

\- 

Sana wanders off on her own, even after Joohyun insisted that she would drive her and Nayeon to their shared apartment. Nayeon gladly accepted the offer. But Sana said she had  _ to do something  _ and that she _ couldn't wait tomorrow _ . Sooyoung questioned what could be so important that she had to do it in the middle of the night but she quickly forgot about it when Joohyun dragged her to her car. Thank goodness Joohyun drinks responsibly and can take those two idiots home. Sana thinks she’s just responsible by nature. She’s the eldest among them after all. Usually the motherly figure befalls the most nurturing and caring friend in a circle. Sometimes, the eldest. For Joohyun, she’s both. She really should let loose sometimes. Sana wonders if she ever drinks at home or in instances where she doesn’t have to drive. Maybe they should take turns on who should be the designated driver during their nights out. Provided Joohyun would actually let them drive her car. Unlikely though. Despite Sooyoung’s insistence that she will make sure not to dent the car, Joohyun still shoots her that infamous death glare, which frankly has no effect on the three of them.

On nights like these though, Sana forgets her responsibilities, unlike Joohyun. Sana knows not to act on her feelings, knows better than to go to  _ this _ particular neighborhood. This used to be something she did every so often after graduating and starting her job at school. It's a few (or a lot of) stops away from the school but she finds herself here again.

Once she was settled in her new apartment and her new life, Sana would lie flat on her bed, stare at the plain white ceiling and breathe out a heavy sigh. This is the life she wanted. But what was wrong with it? Why do her feet bring her here like they have a mind of their own? Over the past couple of years, the scenery has changed. Stores closed and new ones opened in their place. The  _ ahjussi’s _ pub is still there but that nervous part-time college boy isn’t. The  _ ajumma’s _ restaurant that served that steaming pot of  _ samgyetang _ is still there, but her daughter had taken over the business for reasons unknown to Sana. Everything has changed. Little by little. And maybe Sana has too. Except for the pain that lingers whenever she looks up at that apartment building, at the third-floor window with the curtains drawn and the lights on. Why can’t she stop looking so wistfully when it turns dark at the end of the night? 

When her feelings get too heavy, especially when she’s been drinking (like right now), she writes it down. Everything that was too much for her heart to carry. Oh, how many pages has she torn from her journal? It’s such a pretty little notebook too and she's soaking it up with her alcohol-induced tears. 

She writes all the things she would’ve told Tzuyu. 

_ Tzuyu. _

That name. Somehow it sounds so foreign when she speaks it out loud. She hasn’t mentioned her to anyone. Was it all just a dream? A figment of her imagination? Has she gone insane? 

“Oy,” the  _ ahjussi _ calls her from the doorway of his pub, “Haven’t seen you in a while. Care for a drink?” 

“I’ve already drunk,” Sana says, but she enters the pub anyway. 

“Where’s your friend? You used to come by often,” he laughs and takes a bottle of soju for himself and a can of coffee for Sana from the refrigerator. Sana knows for a fact they don’t sell coffee. The  _ ahjussi _ just keeps them to sober up drunk customers. The pub is still the same. Except he  _ finally  _ installed an LCD TV. Wonder who finally convinced the old man. 

“Does she come by here?” Sana asks, popping the can of coffee open. 

“Not often,” he says, knocking back the soju, “She just buys some  _ tteokbokki _ and eats at home, I guess.” 

Sana nods. Tonight doesn’t feel real either. After she left Joohyun and the others, she’d been in a daze. Mostly because she’s a bit drunk. But also because of the existential crisis triggered by Ryujin and Sooyoung’s consideration of taking on escort services for a side job. Funny how all of these things transpired in the last couple of days.

Being back in this place adds to the strange feeling, extends it even further, adding a whole new layer of this unreal reality. Sana wants to go back. Not to the past, working for Madame Hyerim and living the broke college student life.  _ Hell no.  _ She just wants to feel excited about Friday’s and look forward to seeing Tzuyu. Sana wants to look into those eyes and feel the warmth spread across her body when she smiles back at her. To feel those lips on hers again. Sana closes her eyes, imagining what must it be like if she had the courage to say the words that banged at the walls of her heart, threatening to break free. What must it be like if she didn’t leave? 

\- 

The website looks awful. Not the user interface. It’s pretty simple to maneuver actually. It’s the design that looks bad. They couldn’t have gotten a more experienced web designer to do it, could they? Or cared enough to coach whoever designed this site? And to think they probably rake in a lot of money from the ads, which are  _ everywhere _ . Sana can’t click on any part of the webpage without an ad for Viagra or something popping out. And these ads aren’t even safe for work! Good thing Sana's browsing on her phone. What would the school board do if they see someone scouring the strange site using the school’s internet? She doesn’t think they have a very strong or attentive IT department, but one can never be too sure. 

She finally sees Sooyoung's profile up there a few days after their night out. She really did it. Her picture is a very well-angled selfie, much like all the other profiles. But what Park Sooyoung has over the other girls is her wit and humor, which can’t really be discernible at one look of a static profile. Sana hopes she finds good clients. 

There’s a knock on Sana’s door and she quickly shoves her phone into the desk drawer. Ryujin walks in wearing a cute little smile on her face. That’s strange. No cuts or bruises? Is Ryujin really walking into her office out of her own free will and not because Joohyun sent her here after throwing her fist at some other kid? Did she really get through this girl? 

“Good afternoon, Ms. Minatozaki,” she bows, “I just wanted to let you know first! I got the part for the Wizard of Oz play the school is preparing!” 

“Wow!” Sana acts surprised. She’s actually helping Sooyoung out for the school play but she didn’t take part in filtering through the auditions so Ryujin knows nothing. It's worth seeing the girl's face light up, “That’s great! I’m so excited for you!” 

“I didn’t think I’d be into it,” she paces around Sana’s office, “But it was really fun in the audition! I can’t wait to start practice!” 

The kid is beaming and never in the two years or so that Sana has spent in this school has she felt more engrossed in a child’s development. 

Maybe the job isn’t so bad after all. 

\- 

The night is quiet. Her little group didn’t go out to drink or have dinner or anything. Sooyoung is busy having started her escorting gig. Nayeon is on a date with her girlfriend that none of them have met (Sooyoung jokes that she doesn’t even exist). Joohyun is radio silent. She doesn’t tell them her plans. It’s not something of concern to Sana anyway. Joohyun has a private life. They all do. It’s Sooyoung who always pesters her with questions. She could just be spending the night doing nothing for all they know. Or doing laundry. Something mundane. 

Sana sure is. She’s finally cleaning their apartment after what seems like months of unattended messes. She and Nayeon always get home feeling tired and just dump things on the couch that no one sits on. Just tuck any plastic bags they get from buying takeout in this drawer that’s already full. Just leave their dirty laundry on a pile and their clean laundry on the table. Who needs closets anyway? 

She empties her desk drawer and finds the business card she’d hidden in the back. Chou Tzuyu, Junior Associate. Sana flips it over and under. It's a little stained and discolored with age but still perfectly readable. She wonders how Tzuyu managed to keep her apartment clean all that time. Was it a mess whenever Sana wasn’t around? There’s a number on the card that Sana had saved on her phone, even memorized and filed at the back of her mind. She has never called her or sent her a text. She just stares at the number she’s known by heart. Underneath the card is a balled up piece of paper she wishes she didn’t unfurl. Why did she even keep it? She had written a long, essay-length, drunken message, never to be read by anyone else’s eyes. 

_ Tzuyu, _

_ I had a dream about you just now. I fell asleep in the ahjussi’s pub ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ. I guess it’s because I took a stroll around your neighborhood tonight. I was wondering if you still live here. I'm not stalking. I'm not a stalker, you know that. _

_ Do you still work in that company? With those smug lawyers you hate? _

_ I still think about you, you know? A lot. Is that bad? Should I stop? _

_ Do you think about me though? Wait! Don't tell me! I don't want to know! _

_ I wish I could tell you all the things I couldn’t before. It seems like a waste now, doesn’t it? What would’ve happened if I didn’t leave? If I didn’t walk out of your life? _

_ Sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if I never walked into your life and you didn’t walk into mine. Would it have been better? Or worse? I think it would’ve been worse though. _

_ I’m getting dizzy ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ. I’m going to put my head down on this table for a while. Just wanted to tell you that -- _

Sana snorts. It’s not a very well thought out message. It’s all over the place. Most of her messages are. Granted, some of them are written when she’d just had a few shots. She tries not to drink too much these days. Maybe that’s why Joohyun doesn’t drink much. Because it makes her feel silly about things in the past. 

The messy drawer can wait. She might find more memories she’d rather keep hidden. Maybe she should move on to other areas of distress that need decluttering. The kitchen counter with various displaced food containers? The cupboard with the canned goods and instant ramyun stacked messily on top of each other? The nearly empty closet that should house her clothes but currently collects nothing but dust? Okay, Sana opens the doors to her barren closet so she can organize her clothes in it but that proves to be a mistake as well. Because the room's lights hit the tiny enclosed wooden cavern as she swings the doors open and she sees the blanket she’d kept under all the other clothes and sheets and whatever else she could use to cover it up. The blanket Tzuyu gave her. The one with the little elephant on it. Sana never uses it. She used to take it out, get a whiff of the vanilla and honey that still lingers and think to herself how creepy she seemed before shoving it in the closet once more. 

The Universe or the Fates or whoever is in charge are at it again, huh? Just pinpointing all of these  _ reminders  _ at her again, taunting her.

She glares at the ceiling, hoping her eyes can bore through the structure of the building and stare down the Universe that's probably laughing at her sorry ass.

Sana should move on now, shouldn’t she? It’s been two years. Surely, that’s enough time to get over someone, right?

It isn’t. Not when it’s Chou Tzuyu and her pretty face and kind smile. Her neat hair and buttoned down top and long skirt. Her soft eyes and her warm hugs. Her lips that taste like strawberry iced tea or whatever and her vanilla scent and her kisses that made Sana glow from the inside out. The way she said things and the things she said. The way she looked at Sana like she was the only person that mattered and the way she cared about Sana like no one else did. And everything else in between that made Sana giddy and hurt at the same time.

Sana resigns from her attempt to clean her apartment. Not because she’s lazy. But because she’s now overcome with the emotion and memories that she’d rather not think about right now. Or ever. She lies down on her bed, facing the ceiling and her limbs sprawled out like a starfish. She misses having someone next to her. Well, not just anyone. 

And how is it that after all this time she is still so deeply affected? That nothing has replaced this feeling? It’s frustrating how all these quiet nights almost always lead to this. To the inevitable thoughts of Tzuyu. She wants to forget or to feel something other than this aching longing. 

But… it wouldn't have been right to stick around Tzuyu. Sana has to keep remembering that. Apart from the obvious fact that some of her then-customers were Tzuyu's colleagues at work, Sana was a whole mess of things, still trying to figure out her place in this world. Hell, she's  _ still _ a mess. And what good would she be around Tzuyu? She scoffs to herself. This is better. At least, she wouldn't have been causing so much trouble for the girl.

She rolls over to her side, facing the window with the curtains drawn and turns on the lamp on her bedside table. A piece of paper is peeking out of the drawer. Why are there so many misplaced paper files? She fishes out the things cramped in the drawer. An application for a master’s degree in Psychology in Seoul National University is tucked away under a bunch of scraps of paper. Is this still what she wants? A higher education? A diploma to show off to people, to her parents and grandmother? Sana ponders on these things. 

In any case, she should still get a move on, get ahead in life. Even if she can’t move on from the supposed love of her life. 

God, she's so sappy.

But she thinks about the tuition and, oh boy, that's a hefty financial obligation. She’d saved up a lot of money to help her parents. If she lived extremely frugally, she'd be fine maybe. But it feels so good to be reasonably financially free. She doesn't want to think about having only cup ramen for weeks on end again. It's been nice to have some real food instead of her college struggle meals. Sana sighs and puts the application form back in the drawer. 

_ Unless… _

\- 

"So, how's it going with  _ the thing _ ?" Sana asks Sooyoung once they get off work. They take the same line going home in a moderately crowded subway car. Nayeon's knocked out from the busy day teaching kids about Korean literature.

"What thing?" 

"The  _ thing _ ?" Sana looks around them to make sure no one they know is in sight. 

"The escort thing?" Sooyoung confirms and Sana wonders if the girl cares whether people hear her or not because, damn, she is so  _ loud _ , "It's actually pretty fun. I've already met two guys. They take me out to fancy restaurants. And the sex --" 

"Okay. I don’t want to hear any more," Sana covers her ears. 

Sooyoung laughs so unabashedly loud that the people on the other end of the car can hear them, "I'm kidding! I'm not going to tell you about that stuff! They're just really nice, rich guys who want some company. I put in my profile that I'm more of a 'I make good company' kind of girl. They’re kind of more into that stuff, just like having a ‘girlfriend’ kind of girl around." 

It's funny. Sana used to wonder about that life, being an escort. Thinking about how much easier it would be. She wouldn't need to study, wouldn't need to work so hard. Just have a pretty face and a nice body and have the ability to listen to people. All of which Sana would proudly say she possesses. And she’d still be able to earn money that’s more than her monthly paycheck. But is money really the end goal? 

"Want to give it a try?" Sooyoung wiggles her eyebrows, "Use my referral code. We both get a coupon for that fried chicken restaurant near Joohyun unnie's place. They don't have to know where we got the coupons." 

The thing about Sooyoung is that she's always game for anything. She makes everything sound so chill and easy. How can she be like Sooyoung? Sana wonders. She tells her she'll think about it. Sooyoung will know if Sana signs up when they get the coupons. And Joohyun and Nayeon don't even ask why they get to dine on free chicken later that week. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're back to Sana's side of the story (after a time skip because that's EXACTLY how you deal with things haha). I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments!   
> @trash_for_twice on twitter.   
> ko-fi.com/trashfortwice if ya ever feel like donating 
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for all the kudos and comments so far! Take care, everyone!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let people pass you by  
> You can't keep them  
> They were never yours  
> To hold at night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! How have yall been? I know I said I wouldn't be able to update this week but work is kinda chill for now. Next week though fr I might suffer x10 more haha please give me strength! Enjoy the update, stay safe and be kind! 💖
> 
> Trigger warning (?): Men are mentioned in this chapter lol I feel the need to mention this because this IS a wlw fic so yeah. Haha I should've probably mentioned this earlier too lol.

Sooyoung was right. 

The men are nice. Much nicer than what she was used to. 

It started with Deoksu. He's got a taste for high fashion and an even better taste in men. While Sana had initially disliked the idea of tricking his whole family into thinking that he is  _ definitely _ straight and that he  _ definitely _ doesn't have a boyfriend with whom he has shared a loving relationship of five years, she thought, well, she had spent many years and will continue to spend the rest of her life keeping her secrets from her own family. Sana shouldn't judge. She just shows up to all these family events in their palace-like home or five-star hotels and acts like the perfect girlfriend. He's not particularly obvious. He's just a regular, good-looking, cleancut heir of a big  _ chaebol _ business that Sana doesn't know much about. But with her general keenness of people’s behaviors and reactions, she can tell.  _ Oh _ , she can tell. His parents already know and are just  _ waiting _ for him to come out. They pressure him by asking things like their plans to get married or have kids or things about joint accounts. Sana tells him that his parents seem very open about these matters. They even mentioned they love Elton John's music, not that it really mattered.  _ Can You Feel the Love Tonight _ ? A classic. But he insists that they keep the act together. He's still trying to make a name for himself by building a business of his own rather than relying on his parents and Sana respects that. He gives her the best gifts and fanciest clothes, so Sana can't complain.

Then there's Kyungmo. He's a quiet guy, financial adviser of some reputable firm. Sana thinks he's just lonely or overly shy or both. Even Sana offered to sleep with him. Not out of pity or anything. He's a very handsome man and he could get any girl he wants. Sana knows. She's seen them eyeing  _ him _ and scowling at  _ her _ when they're together. But he declined the offer, saying something about respect and he wouldn't want to pay for that. He even teaches Sana lessons on how to play in the stock market. Sana asks why he doesn't just find a nice girl, make her his wife and all that. He shrugs.  _ Marriage is the product of capitalism _ . And so are children. He prefers this  _ honjok _ lifestyle of being single and independent. It’s not very strange for people their age to do so, Sana thinks, but what is strange is that a man would operate this way. She usually finds women living that lifestyle more. You know, because of the history of women being pegged as child-bearers and that the ultimate goal of a woman should be to raise a family and all that nonsense. So, it’s interesting that Kyungmo lives this way and, well, agrees with Sana and that this backwards-thinking country needs to make changes. But he hires Sana anyway. Because despite being all about  _ honjok _ -ism, he's still a social being, human as he is, and he does enjoy Sana’s wit and humor and occasional flirtatious tendencies that no other woman can match. The man also manages to double Sana’s investments in the stock market, and Sana can't complain. 

But, of course, there are also reasonably wealthy men who just want to have a good time. Sometimes they’re young and rich like Deoksu and Kyungmo. Sometimes, they’re older and richer like Myunghoon. He’s a divorcee, owner of some big fishing business. He’s a nice-looking man in his early forties. Not that Sana is into older men, but she’ll make an exception. When Sana asks why he divorced his wife, he cringes. They’d just fallen out of love. It’s a generic excuse. Sana thinks she’s failed as a psychologist and as everyone's friendly neighborhood, unlicensed psychiatrist since she can't get her client to open up. But when Sana asks why he doesn't date anyone seriously, seeing as how he’s still young and has the looks, he cringes too. Commitment issues. And a whole can of worms opens up about his childhood trauma and they slowly work through it. But while his fear of commitment is there, he’s glad Sana’s around. With her, everything is simple. He doesn't need to promise forever, and Sana can’t complain. 

There are a few men and women here and there who come and go. None of whom really leave an  _ impact _ on Sana. So, when they tell her they wish to stop seeing her for reasons like they met someone or she's not what they're looking for, she doesn't take it personally. She's not for everyone. 

But at the end of the day, when she retreats home, shrugging off her heels, changing into comfortable sweats and lounging next to Nayeon while they watch music shows, Sana still recalls her Friday nights spent at a certain apartment. Some days, Sana hopes she might run into a certain someone when she’s in that familiar district. Some days, Sana wants to knock on that door, cuddle into the warmth she was so used to. Some days, Sana wishes someone  _ does _ leave an impact. If only to replace whatever impact the last one left. 

\- 

There’s one particular client though that Sana favors. Park Jihyo. She doesn’t ask for much from Sana, doesn’t make her go to big events and show her off like a trophy, doesn’t make her feel like anything other than a professional doing her job. Jihyo is more reserved, so to speak, and her private life and all matters relating to it are very... secure, even when the media’s eyes fall on her quite often. What would they expect from celebrities? Sometimes, Sana fears that Dispatch would one day release a photo of her leaving Jihyo’s house and tag them as a couple who’d been secretly dating for seven years or some bullshit. At least, Jihyo isn’t an idol from so-and-so girl group. Girl group idols get worse treatment. Jihyo is a soloist and has released numerous best-selling albums and even did soundtracks for TV shows and movies. Little is known about her private life and the media won’t rest until they find a spec of dirt on her. But Jihyo’s been taking a little break from the spotlight. She hasn’t released anything new and is not in production for anything else for the next few weeks. So, she calls Sana. 

Their time together is mostly spent on Sana listening to Jihyo complain about celebrity life or her frustrations about her artist’s block because she can’t seem to create new music (even though she should be resting). Sana likes listening to Jihyo because she’s an interesting character and Jihyo likes talking to Sana because she’s understanding and consoles her like a psychiatrist (which she is, sort of). Plus, Jihyo is  _ really  _ pretty. She doesn’t really have a  _ type  _ or anything, hasn't thought about that much, but Jihyo definitely falls in whatever categories she may have.

Sifting through the pile of lyric sheets on her desk while Jihyo plays a melody on the grand piano in her fabulous excuse of a humble abode, Sana picks one of the drafts up. Something catches her eye. She turns to Jihyo, who is seemingly engrossed in the music she's playing. Her eyes are closed and there's a slight change in expression, like furrowed brows or a frown, whenever she hits a particular note. Sana may not be the most musically inclined person, enjoying a catchy tune here and there. But there's just something about the way Jihyo plays the piano or sings her heart out. The melodies tug at her heart and fill her with melancholy she never knew existed. It's certainly an experience watching Jihyo in her element.

Even if she's dressed in pajamas and her dark brown hair is tied up in a messy bun that can't seem to hold onto the shorter strands. Though even without the glitz and glamour and all that makeup, Jihyo looks lovely. Sana can't complain.

She claps her hands as Jihyo ends her piece. Sana smiles and takes a whiff of the wine that had been sitting on the top of the piano, resting on a colorful little coaster she crocheted herself. Or knitted. Sana doesn't really know.

"I was listening to your songs the other day," Sana says, taking a glass of wine for herself and sitting next to Jihyo on the piano stool big enough for them both, "Why do you sing like you've gone through seven divorces?"

Jihyo knocks her head back, laughing like it's the first time she's heard someone say that, "Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment."

"Seriously though," Sana places her hand on Jihyo's lap, "You okay? That was from your latest album."

"Yeah, I'm fine," her smile is wide and reassuring, certain in her definitely "okay" status, "The breakup happened a long time ago. I just like to manifest the feelings from that and make really good music from it."

Well, at least something good came out of Jihyo's heartbreak.

Sana knows she shouldn't ask too much about her clients, but Jihyo's an exception. She's so open about her answers to her questions (more than she would media interviewers) and her responses are always interesting.

"How many people have you been with?"

"Just one. A guy," Jihyo says fondly as if picking up an old DVD of their memories and replaying it on the TV, "But if you mean people I've been intimate with," she snorts, "just you and him."

"Firstly," Sana dramatically places her hand on her chest, "I am honored to be one of two people who have fucked or have been fucked by  _ the _ Park Jihyo."

That earned her another hearty laugh and a harsh slap to her arm, which Sana learns is not a form of retaliation or anger but rather an endearing gesture. A painfully endearing gesture.

"Secondly," Sana continues, picking up the lyric sheet she'd taken from the stack earlier, "Is this particular line about him, then?"

_ Let people pass you by _

_ You can't keep them _

_ They were never yours _

_ To hold at night _

Jihyo covers her mouth as a fit of giggles escapes her. A blush forms on her cheeks at the display of her feelings out in the open. She tries to swipe the piece of paper from Sana's hand, but the woman with a roaring voice that could fill a concert hall is  _ tiny _ , and Sana raises it up above her, well out of Jihyo's reach.

"Is it about me?" Sana laughs as Jihyo tries her best to stretch her arm out as far as possible without toppling them over the piano stool. Jihyo looks at her with her brows raised and her mouth agape, "No, no, no. I'm not expecting anything," Sana shakes her head, letting out a shameful laugh, "I was just kidding. I don't like you like that. You know that."

Jihyo lets out a sigh of relief, "Okay, good. I mean, I like you as a person but, you know, not like  _ that _ ."

"So, the lyrics are about him?"

She nods, successfully retrieving the piece of paper and placing it as far away from Sana as possible.

"Are you over him?" Sana wonders if she's sailing dangerous waters now by asking these questions.

"Of course," Jihyo smiles and Sana believes it, maybe Jihyo does too, "Like I said, the lyrics and music I make are just pieces of the moments I pick up from the past, arranged and rearranged to make sense of something… if that... makes sense?"

"I guess," Sana runs her fingers on the piano keys without pressing down on them. 

_ They were never yours to hold at night _ . 

Her heart aches at the words. With a heavy sigh, Sana can't help but think that way about a certain client she has yet to forget. Will she ever? Does she want to? Why do thoughts of her never escape her mind? Frankly, Sana's tired of it, of the pain in her chest and the tears in her eyes. Why can't she just let Tzuyu  _ pass her by _ ?

"When I called you over, I really didn't expect you to analyze my lyrics," Jihyo says, sensing the whirlpool of thoughts spinning through Sana's head as her empty gaze has reached Jihyo's eyes.

"You should read the comments on Reddit threads where they break down your lyrics," Sana laughs, taking a sip of the wine.

-

"You two know each other?" Nayeon's eyes are wide as she points towards Momo and Sana. 

It was supposed to be a quiet night out with friends. Nayeon promised that she'd finally bring her girlfriend to meet them so Sooyoung would  _ shut up _ about Nayeon's alleged fake girlfriend. Well, she’s real.  _ Very real _ . And it's Sana's dear friend, Momo, whom she hasn't spoken to in the past couple of months, despite her messages left on read and missed calls. 

"We used to work together," Momo starts, looking straight into Sana's eyes with a wide smile Sana can only describe as  _ fake _ .

"At this cafe during summer when we were in college," Sana lies with a grin equally as believable. That mental telepathy comes in handy in these situations. 

“I was the cashier.” 

“I prepared beverages.” 

And the group didn't delve any further because Nayeon is rubbing it in Sooyoung's face that, yes, Momo is in fact a non-imaginary person. 

The rest of the night slows to a flurry of drunken laughs and Sooyoung sobbing about a girl named Wendy. When Joohyun drags the wailing Sooyoung out to sober up and Nayeon decides she needs to freshen up in the restroom alone because she's probably going to puke her dinner out and she doesn’t want Momo or Sana to see that (not that either wanted to help with that anyway), two things happen: (1) they agree to never to let their friends drink that much again (they aren’t getting any younger) and (2) Momo confronts Sana. 

"Madame Hyerim called me a few months ago," Momo says, pouring herself another drink. They haven't heard that name in a while, "She told me you're… back in business?" 

Sana shrugs. She didn't think Madame Hyerim kept tabs on her "alumni" if that's what she'd call it. Was she afraid Sana would be her competition? They're targeting completely different demographics. That's what Deoksu told her at least. He's smart about business. What a guy. 

"Not exactly," Sana flips the pieces of pork over to cook them evenly. 

"So… what?" 

"Can we not talk about this now?" Sana hisses. 

"Then, when? You've been ignoring my messages," Momo crosses her arms and scrunches her brows. Sana knows she's only concerned, "Madame Hyerim received calls from your old regulars. They want your number. She's just worried and so am I." 

Sana sighs and rubs her temples, "I'm not… into that anymore. Not really. Just… the money's really good and it doesn't require a lot of… you know…" she says quietly, "... sex work." 

"Okay, but what are you going to do if he comes back to find you?" Momo lowers her voice, "You know how obsessed he was with you."

"I can take care of myself, Momo," Sana insists. 

"Sana --" 

"Whoa!" Nayeon returns looking, as she had originally planned, refreshed, "Okay, okay, keep the drinks coming! The night is still young!" 

With that, the topic ends and Momo is left hanging as to whether Sana will be safe or not. 

\- 

Upon Jihyo’s request, Sana’s in bed with her until dawn breaks and the latter freaks out when the sun rears its bright rays through the cracks of the velvet curtains because she has to get ready for work at  _ school. _ But to say she gets upset when Jihyo pulls her back in would be a big fat lie. Because Jihyo promises to send a driver to drop her off and that she’ll make her breakfast but only after a bit of fun.

And, oh, what fun they have indeed.

Jihyo sometimes likes to switch it up a bit. But Sana can tell she prefers to be on top, holding the reins. Not like Sana minds. It’s a nice change of pace. 

“Do I bore you?” Jihyo asks after a long rant about her agency not allowing her to use certain lyrics for a song. She went on about her artistic freedom. This is oppression! Misogyny! 

“No, I find you very interesting,” Sana says, sipping her glass of Malbec. There's always a glass of wine whenever she's at Jihyo's home. But Sana’s no wine enthusiast. Just assumes it must be fancy, right? 

“I bet you say that to all your clients,” she scoffs as Sana takes the very vacant seat on Jihyo's lap and she delicately tilts her chin towards her to meet her eyes.

“I do, but I really am interested,” Sana grins, wrapping her arms around Jihyo’s shoulder. 

“You're a fucking liar,” she laughs and undoes the buttons on Sana’s top. 

“Such a dirty mouth,” Sana teases and gives her a quick kiss, “Wouldn’t mind having it wrapped around another pair of lips.” 

As far as kinks go, Jihyo is pretty “vanilla”, which, again, Sana doesn’t mind. Jihyo is beautiful and her kisses are passionate, and her touches are fiery and hungry. She has the most expressive eyes and they always tell Sana how much she enjoys it when Sana’s got her fingers or her tongue in her. Jihyo’s not particular about it and neither is Sana. They get off of it either way. 

But tonight, Sana’s wrists are tied up on her headboard and it’s the most the other woman could ask, exploring and delving into the darker shades of her desires. Jihyo’s on top of her, kissing her, driving her to the edge faster than she’d expected. Sana can take it, she’s handled worse. And Jihyo’s not harsh. She’s careful and her eyes are always searching for Sana’s, making sure she’s okay. As long as Sana doesn’t use her safe word, she’s fine. Jihyo can be assured of that. But Jihyo’s being experimental, testing how far she can go with Sana. She’d made it clear from the beginning, so Sana lets her. She’s quite curious herself. But Jihyo gets rough and aggressive and very persistent, drawing out needy moans from her parch throat. She pulls the restraints hard, wanting to break free to touch Jihyo, to run her greedy hands on her body and to taste her skin. Knocking her head back and screaming out curses, Sana feels the orgasm hit her throughout her body. But Jihyo doesn’t stop there. She kisses her and quiets Sana’s moans but pulls back. Her hands reach for Sana’s neck, her fingers wrap around her skin, adding pressure little by little. 

Everything stops. 

Sana freezes. Her breath hitches in her throat and all she sees is a white, blinding light. Then darkness follows. 

She’s in a dimly lit room. 

The massage parlor. 

His hands are on her, pinning her down, then they reach for her neck. 

He’s choking her. 

She can’t breathe and she’s hitting him but he’s just laughing, whispering filth into her ears. 

And that’s the last thing she hears. 

It's  _ deafening _ .

“Sana!” 

It’s quiet now. 

“Sana!?” 

She’s back. 

“Sana….” Jihyo calls. Her voice is familiar, and it brings her back to reality. Jihyo looks absolutely terrified, “Are you okay? You blacked out.” 

The restraints are gone. Her wrists burn and so does her neck. She reaches for it, soothing her skin until she feels okay again. 

She doesn’t. 

“Sorry,” Sana coughs, “It was a bit much.” 

Jihyo kisses her cheek and pulls her in for a tight embrace with her strong arms, “I’m sorry.” 

“No, no. It’s okay,” Sana pats Jihyo’s back, “I thought I could handle it.” 

\- 

Sana ignores the notification bell on her phone. It's probably Momo, who has sent her a text every other day since that night, asking how she is. Occasionally, Sana would reply that she's fine. She thinks Momo is just checking to see if Sana is still alive.

What Sana doesn’t tell Momo though is the little incident that happened with Jihyo. Sana tries not to think about it. She knows it’s the effects of repressed traumatic experiences resulting from abuse, manifesting in the form of an anxiety attack. Right? Are those the right textbook definitions? Who’s going to correct her anyway? This isn't an exam!

She’d been fine shoving those feelings deep within her for years. She knows it’s unhealthy. But it hasn’t bothered her until now. She should know better though. But, God, if she has to be her own psychiatrist, she might go insane.

Sana also doesn’t tell Momo that she’s on a little break for the time being. She’d informed all her clients that she’d be taking a short leave, even took down her profile from the website so no one can find her there. Maybe she’ll tell Momo to stop worrying. 

Standing at the back of the auditorium, Sana tries not to think about these things in the middle of the school play of the Wizard of Oz where little Ryujin is playing little Dorothy. It's funny how that spunky, rebellious girl is wearing a poofy light blue dress, prancing around the stage looking for a way back home. But Ryujin loves the stage and seeing the kid happy makes Sana happy too. For now, Sana ignores the ding from her pocket to watch Dorothy look for that yellow brick road. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys feel about this chapter? This is definitely more Sana-centric. And I know, I know we all miss them being together but this is crucial for them both, don't you think?
> 
> Haven't replied to some of the comments yet because I don't want to accidentally spoil anything haha.
> 
> @trash_for_twice on twitter.  
> https://curiouscat.qa/trash_for_twice if you have any questions? lol  
> ko-fi.com/trashfortwice if ya ever feel like donating
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for all the kudos and comments so far! Take care, everyone!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I still want her. It's insane. It just feels like… she was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I let her go. I really thought I didn't deserve her. I probably don't. But I loved her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! No more waiting. Here you go, my friends!

Most people would be biting off their fingernails while nervously waiting for the results of a major examination that would more or less determine the trajectory of their lives. Tzuyu is no exception. But she doesn't show it. Stoic expression and all. She's not pacing around the office waiting for the news. Heck, Seulgi is worse. She's the one drinking her second cup of coffee at ten in the morning because she claims it would calm her nerves. Mina, on the other hand, is outspokenly confident that Tzuyu has passed the bar exams. Tzuyu wishes she could be a bit more like Mina. 

Amidst drowning in their swirling pool of anxiety, Sunmi passes by the trio and calls Tzuyu to her office for a “quick discussion”. The manager stares out the window, glassy eyes reflecting the foggy cityscape in front of her. It's a little dramatic, Tzuyu must admit. She pulls out an envelope from her blazer pocket and hands it to Tzuyu.

It’s a resignation letter.

"Tzuyu," she starts, "I thought I should tell you. I'm resigning from my position here in the company."

She tilts her head in complete confusion. Why is Sunmi telling her this? Her manager turns to her with a humble smile.

“Do you… want me to take your place?”

“What? No,” Sunmi chokes out a laugh she didn’t intend to release, “No jokes. I’m trying to be serious here.”

But Tzuyu wasn’t even joking!

"I have you to thank though. I've been keeping an eye on you. I've seen you grow and I know how hard you work. When I asked you why you decided to take up law all those years ago, you told me you wanted to do the right thing. And it really made me think, maybe being in this company is no longer the right thing for me… 

"Remember when you came forward about some of the men in our office? I kept thinking about that. I felt like I handled the situation poorly," she sighs heavily, "I hope I didn't let you down." 

"No, I understood your point."

"Still, I could've said something else to you, something perhaps a bit more inspirational or, at least, something less cynical," she snorts, crossing her arms, "But, anyway, that’s one of the reasons I wanted to leave this company. There’s a lot of reasons, of course, but I thought I should let you know it was something that never really left my mind.”

“Like an embarrassing moment that makes you cringe right before you go to sleep?”

“You’re hilarious, Tzuyu!” Sunmi breaks into laughter  _ again _ . Tzuyu cannot begin to comprehend how her seriousness could be interpreted as  _ humor _ . Once she has calmed down, Sunmi continues with her announcement, “I called you here because I wanted to tell you that I've signed into partnership in a law firm with some of my colleagues from law school. They handle cases related to human rights, among other things. They wanted to create a team that would specialize in cases involving the protection of women's rights as well. Seeing as how you seem to have a heart for that matter, I wanted to recruit you. That is, if you're interested."

"I haven't even received my bar exam results yet," Tzuyu chuckles nervously, loosening the collar of her top.

"I'm sure you passed," she laughs, "I've already told Seulgi and Mina. They seem interested in joining. Let me know, alright?"

The two haven’t mentioned it to her. Maybe that’s why Seulgi’s so nervous. And Mina is so excited about the results. Maybe they’re waiting on the results so they can all celebrate together. 

Tzuyu nods and tells Sunmi she’ll think about it. Though to be honest, Tzuyu hasn’t exactly thought much about where she was headed after the bar exam results, whether or not she would pass. Law school in combination with a full time job kind of takes up a lot of her time. She hasn’t really looked into openings in law firms or government jobs.

Opportunities rarely ever present themselves like this. The next step seems pretty clear  _ and  _ to her liking for once. Later that day, after the  _ successful  _ exam results, Tzuyu drafts a resignation letter.

-

It's a lazy Saturday afternoon. Come to think of it, Sana hasn't had many of these lazy Saturday afternoons in a while. She’s either off with Deoksu, playing golf with his family, or staying at Jihyo’s mansion of a home, listening to her play some experimental new music. Now that she’s on a break, she’s not quite sure how to spend it. But she might as well enjoy this peace and quiet to the fullest extent. By wrapping herself in her blanket and watching funny cat videos. That's always healing.

Maybe she needs to find a hobby. Gardening? Making scented candles?

Or, you know, she could start decluttering, doing that Marie Kondo sort of thing, yeah? But it's so nice lying down on the freshly changed set of bed sheets. Is there anything Sana could declutter without moving from her stationary state? Maybe she could start with her phone. Uninstall those unnecessary apps, accept or reject those ignored friend requests on Facebook, delete those screenshots of funny memes or inspirational quotes she never thought to check again. Or, her inbox which has accumulated over a hundred unread emails. Yep, she could  _ definitely _ declutter those. Promos from online shops. Useless subscriptions to airline companies. Random spam mail. But the blue and white email template from her bank catches her eyes, makes her squint and furrow her brows. Someone had recently transferred a sum of money to her account. She doesn't recall anyone indebted to her. 

But before she could sift through her mind for any potential debtors, she hears the doorbell buzz, breaking her otherwise unfocused eyes, trying to concentrate on her phone. Seeing as how Nayeon had just left a few minutes ago, she probably left her keys, a very common occurrence. Sana wills herself to get up and open the door for her roommate.

Except that it's not Nayeon. And Sana even considers closing the door on Momo's face but she's quicker and keeps the door ajar with her hand and invites herself inside. 

_ Great. _

Sana really should look through the peephole first before opening the door.

"Nayeon's not here yet. But make yourself at home."

"I know, I came here earlier to talk to you," Momo says, taking a seat on the couch. Sana's glad she actually tidied up so there's at least  _ some  _ surface area for Momo to sit. Sana just stands behind the kitchen counter. She doesn't feel like being so close to Momo right now. Momo’s here for a reason. She probably wants to get Sana to talk, open up, and share her  _ feelings _ . But Sana’s not up for it, she doesn’t feel like cracking open her chest and spewing out the pain and sorrow and trauma and whatever else is locked up in there.

Sana sighs deeply, looking at Momo with her butt firmly planted on the couch, crossing her arms with furrowed brows that reveal themselves below her perfectly trimmed bangs. She’s not leaving without getting what she wants.

It looks like they really have to talk about it, then.

"If you must know," Sana says matter-of-factly, waving her hand around as if the motions would magically materialize whatever words she doesn’t want to say, "I'm on a break… from the escort thing."

"Did something happen?" Momo frowns, fearing that something  _ did  _ happen. And, well, Momo still knows Sana better than anyone else. She can still see behind that preppy smile or the reassuring words. She's still Momo's favorite book, from cover to cover.

And it  _ always  _ makes Sana feel guilty when she doesn’t let Momo read her. Because she knows Momo has her best interest at heart. Always has. But why is it so hard to let her flip through the pages?

"It's nothing," Sana shrugs, rubbing the side of her right arm, "Just… I don't know."

"Come on, talk to me," she says, "Tell me what's wrong."

Sana scoffs, "Where do I begin? Nayeon will probably be back here in an hour and I don't know if this therapy session is going to end that quickly."

"You know she takes forever to do things. We have two hours, at least," she rolls her eyes. It's true though. Nayeon  _ does  _ get distracted easily when running her errands.

Sana chuckles and it brings a smile on Momo's face. She misses it. She misses Momo so much. No one understands her like Momo does. They've been through so much together, how could they not understand the basic mechanics of one other?

"Okay," Sana finally starts, "I'm on a break because I had… a panic attack. I guess you could call it that," she shrugs, the ill feeling of losing control creeps back to her, "No one hurt me. Just… a trigger.

"I don't know. It's been about a week since then. And I've been thinking about why I did this in the first place. I thought I did it for the money. But the more clients I got, it became clear that it wasn’t about the money."

"Then what was it?"

Sana bites her lip, the last bit of her grip on her little secret under her teeth. She'd never told anyone about it. She'd never imagined she would hold on to these feelings for so long. At some point, Sana thought she'd forget about it. But something always brings her back to it.

"My Friday girl."

"You were looking for her?" Momo quirks her eyebrow, "There's Naver or Twitter if you want to stalk her. You didn't have to--"

"I know! I know…" Sana shakes her head, turning away from Momo, clearly embarrassed. She's not  _ that _ stupid. Of course, she'd looked her up on social media sites. The girl didn't update much and her profile picture on Naver is a puppy, not that Sana checked on her profile often (of course, she did). She doesn’t face Momo when she speaks again, somehow it’s easier to look at the plain white walls of her apartment, "It's not… I wasn't looking for her exactly. I was trying to get over her… I guess. I’m crazy, I know. I still think about her after all this time. Not like… a constant, obsessive thought. Just… little things remind me of her. And maybe I entertain these thoughts way too much.

“Is it weird?” Sana turns her head ever so slightly, enough so she can catch a glimpse of Momo’s soft expression from the corner of her eyes, “I still want her. It's insane. It just feels like… she was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I let her go. I really thought I didn't deserve her. I probably don't. But I loved her."

But one of the worst parts though, about this whole thing, Sana realizes, is that she had unceremoniously let Momo go too. And she even bothered to come back, mend these broken bridges. Momo still smiles at her, looks at her with so much care that Sana’s afraid of letting her know that she craves it so much, to be cared for. Sana can hardly look at her in the eyes. Never mind a romantic love. How does she deserve a friend like Momo?

And Momo nods, staying silent. She gets up from her seat, walks over to Sana and wraps her arms around her shoulders. It’s been such a  _ long  _ time, really. Sana hasn’t felt the warmth and security of a good, tight hug from anyone as of late.

Sana closes her eyes, sinking into the hug, but it’s not everything. Sana can't possibly unload all of her emotional baggage on Momo right now. But the little release was enough to relieve a bit of the expanding pressure in her chest.

"Okay, but," Momo says while still in the embrace, " _ Damn _ , how good was she in bed that you couldn't get over her for like three years?"

That comment earned her a powerful slap to the shoulder and a fit of laughter, breaking their otherwise soft, heartwarming moment.

"Shut up! She was sweet."

"What else? Tell me about her."

Sana croaks out a laugh. She has  _ never  _ talked about Tzuyu or about all the stupid butterflies fluttering in her stomach and the sickeningly sweet honey coursing through veins. It's been  _ three _ years. How is she supposed to explain that Tzuyu made her feel like she was her home? That Tzuyu was her little secret forest that she would visit when her world was a mess? That her warmth was so inviting and so comforting that she has been unable to find anyone or anything else that could even come close?

_ Fuck _ . Sana’s so  _ stupidly _ in love with her, isn’t she?

"She smelled like vanilla."

"And?"

"I don't know, Momo!"

Suddenly Sana can't find the words to fully vocalize her truest emotions. Mostly because it's embarrassing how very apparent her feelings were and still are. And the blush forming on her cheeks is not helping with her case at all, and neither is Momo's uncontrolled laughter.

"Get out, Momo!"

"Fine, fine! I'll stop asking about her," she wipes a tear from her eye, "if you stop this whole escort thing."

"Is that what you wanted to say to me?" Sana leans against the counter, looking at Momo suddenly looking bashful at the proposition. She had never been one to tell Sana what to do. Or she was, but Sana has always been a bad listener.

"You've never been one to take my suggestions," Momo says while rolling her eyes, taking the words out of Sana's mouth, "but, please. I'm just worried about you."

Sana knows. She's always known. Momo has always cared about her. And maybe for once she can lift those worries away.

"Tell you what," Momo smirks, "Why don't we stalk your Friday Girl? Find out where she works, where she lives, what time she gets off the metro and  _ randomly  _ bump into her?"

But before Sana can tell her that she already knows all those things like the creep that she is, Nayeon barges in. Unexpectedly early. The girl picked a good time to bring her house keys. She greets them both and showers Momo with an uncomfortable amount of kisses. Why are they like this in front of Sana? She leaves them both in their near love-making session to hide in her room and tells Momo they'll talk later to which she replies with a muffled "okay".

It does feel better. She drops herself on her bed and she feels a lot lighter.

But to tune out Nayeon and Momo's unholy sounds breaching the walls, she puts on her earphones and resumes her inbox decluttering. Where was she? Ah, the mysterious fund transfer.

The next unopened mail answers the puzzle. A string of random letters and numbers attached to the mail address. Definitely a burner email.

_ Hi, _

_ I came upon your profile after hearing so many good reviews about you. If you could spare me an hour of your time, I would like to see you. We can meet at Boramae Park on Friday at 9PM. I have transferred the money to your account, attached is a screenshot of the proof of transfer. _

In hindsight, Sana really shouldn't have linked her bank details to that site. Not that she was ever scammed or anything. But creeps like this probably think they can get their way just because they send her money and guilt her into meeting them.

Momo and Marie Kondo were right though. It's time to stop this and get rid of the things that do not give her joy. 

_ Hi, _

_ Sorry, but I’m no longer catering such services. _

Sana hits send. The guy replies almost immediately.

_ Can you please make time for me? _

Desperate? Sana knows she's hot but come on. Slow down, buddy. 

_ Sorry, but please take your money back. _

He replies.

_ No, keep it. Just meet me on Friday. Even just for a while. _

Sana sighs. Fine. For the last time. She'll just return the money and leave. She wants nothing to do with this anymore.

\- 

Something is off about tonight. Tzuyu doesn't know it yet.

Maybe it's because it's her official last day at work. She'd packed her things, which weren't much anyway, turned over her laptop, signed all the release forms and waivers. She is now a free, temporarily unemployed woman.

There was no need to celebrate her leaving Daega Food Corp. though. Tzuyu had expressed how unnecessary this all was. But, as usual, everyone just wanted an excuse to get drunk on Friday. At least she didn’t have to treat everyone to a meal or anything. That’s too much. 

Mina was the first to leave the company. Tzuyu is the second. Seulgi and Sunmi would leave on the same day two weeks from now. Looks like the company would have to hire at least two more women to keep the workforce "diverse". Tzuyu can only hope that whoever starts their careers there will not be so blind to the mess of corporate law. 

But it’s weirdly comforting, the thought of leaving. They were all taking a step towards a better, more meaningful future, so to speak.

Seulgi and Sunmi are belting out _So Chan Wee’s_ _Tears_ in the noraebang they’ve booked for the night. Everyone else sang along even to the iconic high notes. Thank goodness Seulgi has the mic and not the other guys. Tzuyu doesn’t want to stuff paper napkins in her ears to prevent them from bleeding at their tonedeaf singing.

Things start to settle down after one of their colleagues nearly tore his vocal cords because he thought he could match Taemin’s singing and dancing prowess. At least he didn't break his or anyone else's legs in the process.

Tzuyu just passes the drinks around, not drinking herself. She might just have to drag Seulgi and Sunmi to their respective homes after this. In some strange way, Tzuyu supposes she’ll miss this crowd. They weren’t all bad, of course. Some of the guys in their office were decent at least. But then again, they all were. Seemingly so. She finds herself glaring at the reflection of Junyeong on her glass. There’s someone between them who has fallen asleep drunk. Too early. It's still eight in the evening. 

It’s all too familiar. 

This " _ off" _ feeling.

“I’ll leave in a while,” he says to one of the other guys, “Can’t believe I found her though.”

“No way.”

Her chest tightens.

Could it be? 

“Yeah, saw her profile on this sleazy website.”

No. No, Sana wouldn't. She didn't want that life. 

The other guy snorts, “Guess she’ll never change, huh?”

Junyeong laughs and bids him goodbye as he leaves the room.

It’s all too familiar.

This rage that has started to build up once again, firing her up inside, is boiling dangerously. 

Her irrational behavior soon follows.  _ Again _ .

Tzuyu gets up without another word, without another thought. Seulgi and Sunmi are too engrossed with  _ IU’s Love Poem  _ playing on the screen. She “accidentally” hits the other guy in the head with her elbow and leaves to shadow Junyeong.

-

What was Sana expecting, really? 

She has always feared that an old, problematic customer or a new crazy client would walk (back) into her life. She has never thought that it would be the person she’s only ever wanted to see in the past three or so years. Her hair’s a lighter shade, or maybe it’s the amber streetlights giving it a different color. She’s still captivating, looking just like she did three years ago, wearing her long skirt covered up to her knees with her buttoned-down chiffon top. She sits on the park bench, looking like a dream.  _ Is _ this a dream? Sana wonders. Is she waiting for her? Was she the one who sent her a message, transferred the money? Sana takes out her phone and stares at the email, her thumb hovering over the reply button, the blue light bouncing off her skin. Her hand is shaking. 

It’s cold. Sana blames it on the weather as she nervously clutches on the hem of her jacket. She can’t bring herself to go closer. Her feet are firmly planted on the ground, like being stuck on tar or wet cement or quicksand. Whatever excuse Sana can think of. Anything besides her nerves, her fear. She thought that if she’d ever meet Tzuyu again, she’d go running into her arms, kiss those soft lips and let herself feel the love she so craves from this woman. But why can’t she? Why does she freeze up at the sight of her? It’s almost like seeing a ghost. The haunting feeling of her past, her inaction or indecision or whatever wrong she did by walking away from Tzuyu. The only step her foot takes is back and a turn. She looks away. What is Tzuyu doing here? What is  _ she _ doing here? Her heart clenches, and she holds onto her chest. It’s hard to breathe. She wants it to stop. Just stop. 

“Sana."

A husky voice calls from behind her.

“It’s good to see you.” 

The night keeps getting worse.

It’s him. 

Junyeong. 

The man who gave her nightmares when she closed her eyes at night and made her feel like she’d lost control. That she wasn’t safe in the dark, wasn’t safe in her own skin.

“I’ve missed you.” 

He coos, brushing her soft brown hair. Sana remembers him. His dashing good looks, his slick black hair and daring eyes. He has a muscular build and a smile that could save lives. But his breath stinks of cigarettes and filth and ill intentions. His hands touch whatever bare skin they could find. Sana doesn’t remember him so much as she remembers the way he made her feel. Completely and utterly frightened, disgusted and sick to her stomach. 

He grabs her wrist and puts his other hand at the back of Sana’s neck. It stings like poison. 

“I’m sorry, I think you must have mistook me for someone else,” Sana pushes him away, trying to hide her face with her hair.

“I could never forget your honey brown eyes,” he pulls her closer and makes her turn to face him. His stench brings back so many awful, nightmarish memories - memories she wishes she can forget, “your body,” he grabs her hips, snaking his arm around her back till he can touch her butt and squeezes it with his rough hands, “and this ass.” 

There are people around, walking in the park. But to them, the two just look like a normal couple having a romantic night out. Sana doesn’t want to make a scene, but, God, she is so close to wrecking her vocal cords to scream bloody murder for help. 

“I didn’t come here for this,” she manages to say, as firmly as possible. She shakily takes the envelope full of the money he sent to her account and shoves it to his chest, “Take your money.”

He chuckles, “I don’t want that money. I want you.”

Sana looks behind him and finds the park bench where Tzuyu was sitting but she’s gone. 

_ Well, fuck.  _

He leans in to capture her lips, but she turns her head so his lips land on her neck and it’s not any better. He bites. Hard. Too deep. Breaking skin. He sucks and licks and tastes her. It makes Sana’s skin crawl.

-

Tzuyu paces around the park. She has lost track of Junyeong. 

What if it wasn't Sana that they were talking about? Tzuyu hopes to find Junyeong and stop him from whatever he’s planning to do, whether or not Sana is really involved. She looks around her but all she sees are unfamiliar faces.

Tzuyu takes a seat on a bench under a streetlamp after a few minutes of scanning the area. Should she just leave? It feels almost hopeless. The park is huge and dark. How is she supposed to find him? She sighs and gets up to find her way out of the park. It might not have even been Sana. Either way, it doesn’t settle well with her. She already has messages from Seulgi asking where she is and if she has her house keys.

Maybe it wasn't Sana.

She looks up from her phone. 

She might have to let Seulgi fend for herself tonight because there they are.

There she is. With his hands around her, touching her where he shouldn't. 

She's on fire now. She balls her hands into fists as she marches onward to where the two are. 

-

“Sana!” he pulls back suddenly at the call of her name. He freezes and loosens his grip on her immediately. The blood rushing to her head is dizzying. She blames it on that when she sees Tzuyu come running in a manner she could only describe as cinematically slow, panting just a little bit. Sana has enough sense to step back, creating as big of a space as possible between her and Junyeong, “Sana! Here you are!”

Tzuyu grabs Sana’s hand and pulls her into a friendly side hug, with the biggest, brightest, fakest grin on her face.

“Oh, Manager Kim, do you know Sana?” she gives him a slight bow.

Junyeong straightens his coat and tie, acting like he wasn’t just about to ravage Sana. What’s he going to do? Admit that he was about to pay for Sana to have sex with him? Is he going to act like she's his girlfriend? Will he just ignore Tzuyu? And Tzuyu… what is she planning? How did she even get here? How didTzuyu know that she'd be here? A million questions fly through Sana’s mind right now. She thinks she’s going to explode or malfunction or just completely lose it. 

“She’s a friend,” he says coolly, but Sana thought she heard his soul drop to the ground at the question.

“Small world. Sana, he’s my manager at the office,” Tzuyu smiles and introduces him to her as if they didn't already know each other. 

_ Wait _ .

Sana stares at her and suddenly everything _makes_ _fucking_ _sense_. 

_ Fuck _ .

After catching her breath like she had just run a mile in a minute, she faces Junyeong and smiles pleasantly, “Sana and I used to work together.” 

“At this cafe during summer when we were in college," Sana continues instantly as if on instinct and Tzuyu just nods smilingly, linking their arms together. 

Tzuyu checks her phone, “Oh, look! The others are probably waiting for us! We should get going.”

Is Tzuyu deadass lying for Sana’s sake? She sounds so believable though. It’s so strange seeing Tzuyu in this state of fake happiness and politeness at this probably not very random encounter. 

Sana just nods.

And Tzuyu pulls her away from his grasp effortlessly as Junyeong is standing just as dumbfounded as Sana herself. Tzuyu waves him goodbye and they both head off to wherever their feet take them.

Tzuyu, with Sana on her arm, walks away at a leisurely pace, not uttering a single word. Sana turns her face slightly, just to see behind them only to find Junyeong looking back at them with an enraged expression as he clutches the envelope Sana had given him.

When they reach a respectable distance from Junyeong,Sana abruptly stops. The adrenaline that was pumping in her veins has run out and she now feels the weight of  _ everything _ . 

“Tzuyu,” Sana croaks, which comes out like a cry as her arm slips away from Tzuyu’s, “give me a minute.” 

There are too many feelings conjured up inside her. Sana has never felt more terrified and relieved in the same minute. She lets go of the breath she’s been holding. Her knees fail her and she sinks to the ground. She holds herself as if she could keep herself together the tighter she grips. She digs her nails into her arms, hoping this self-inflicted pain could wake her up from this convalescent dream. This isn’t real. Her eyes shut tight, hoping that if she opens them this nightmare is over, that Junyeong is gone and that she was never hurt or scared for her life. But it’s not. He’s still around. Even in the crevices of her mind, Sana can hear his snicker, can smell his scent, can feel his touches burning her skin. Her breath hitches every time, like her airways are cut and she’s barred from taking in the air that makes her live. 

“It’s okay,” her voice is kind and safe, “He’s gone now,” it’s barely a whisper. Tzuyu brings her in for a hug. The warmth is familiar and inviting. Tzuyu’s arms wrap around her like she doesn’t ever want to let go. Sana buries her face into Tzuyu’s shoulder, her fears spilling out through tears and her worries escaping her lips as sobs. She grips onto Tzuyu’s shoulders tightly. 

“I’m here now, Sana.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But wait... there's more...
> 
> Shoutout to @yuiwillow for betareading/beta-ing (idk the term obvs i'm new to this haha)
> 
> @trash_for_twice on twitter.  
> https://curiouscat.qa/trash_for_twice if you have any questions? lol  
> ko-fi.com/trashfortwice if ya ever feel like donating
> 
> Thank you all for reading and for all the kudos and comments so far! Take care, everyone!


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you… still want me? After all this time?”
> 
> “Don’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asdfkjldfal

There have been countless reimaginings of meeting Tzuyu that have been conjured up in Sana’s mind such as, but not limited to: (a) a random encounter at the grocery store; (b) Tzuyu bringing her hypothetical child to the school where Sana works ten years or so later; and (c) Sana moving to Japan and seeing Tzuyu there on a family vacation or a business trip or whatever. Many reimaginings indeed. But Sana never would have thought that Tzuyu would rush to her aid… again.

Sana sits outside of the familiar convenience store. The orange, red and green lights are a weird combination, aren't they? She could say the same thing about herself and her companion right now. Sana can clearly hear the Universe laughing at her. How is it that they always meet like this, when Sana’s at her worst state? Tzuyu comes out of the store, holding a plastic bag. She said she would buy some food that would supposedly give them a sense of comfort or perhaps emotional support. She decides on ice cream, the food for all occasions.

"I hope you don't mind," Tzuyu says as she sits next to her on the dinky plastic table and chair set, "they only have chocolate."

Sana takes the little plastic cup filled to the brim with chocolate flavored ice cream that looks like it has been frozen and melted and then frozen again before reaching her hands. Tzuyu stares at her with furrowed brows and a frown, leaving Sana perplexed. What is she so mad about? The girl takes out a band aid, some cotton balls and a little plastic bottle of Betadine from the bag she got from the mart. She pushes Sana's hair out of the way to scrutinize the bite mark on her neck with a disapproving look. Sana attempts to push Tzuyu's hand away, insisting that it's nothing, that she's fine.

"Why are you so stubborn?" Tzuyu complains as she puts some Betadine on the cotton, "Don't move."

"Why are you doing this?" Sana flinches as the antiseptic comes in contact with her wound.

"Because you're hurt."

Why does she always respond with the most _obvious_ answer?

"Why are you here?"

"Wouldn't you rather know _how_ I got here?" Tzuyu quirks her brow. 

"You took a cab?” Sana rolls her eyes, “Look, I figured that part out."

Sana doesn’t miss the twitch of Tzuyu's lip. While her eyes remain unreadable, Tzuyu is, unmistakably, caught off guard by Sana’s conclusion. And Sana is still, as usual, proud of breaking Tzuyu’s sweat.

"You must've overheard Junyeong, huh?" Sana surmises, "Heard him talk about me and the things he did to me then? He must’ve been so cocky about it too," she scoffs, "Thought he was so good at fucking girls. You felt so sorry for me and my pitiful existence, didn't you?"

She feels the sting in her eyes and the crack in voice. Her heart breaks at her own words. Sana must admit. She's embarrassed. Oh, the shame she has brought upon herself. And who is to blame, really? No one but herself.

It makes sense now. More than ever. Sana can't even look at Tzuyu. Why else would she have booked her Friday schedules? Why else would she have wasted her time and money on her? Sana was never wrong about her. Tzuyu is too _goddamn_ pure for the world, too pure for Sana.

"What was I to you? Just your little charity case? A side project on Friday nights? Someone you could fix?" Sana wants to leave. She can't be around Tzuyu right now. 

It’s weird, isn’t it? She’d been longing for her for so long. And now… she just wants to hide again, hide her shame, her choices. Just hide the mess that she's made of her life.

As she pushes herself away from the table to get up, Tzuyu takes a deep breath, so clearly exasperated by Sana's questions. She has too many questions, she'd say.

"Don't be mad."

She says instead, taking Sana's hands, holding them tightly with her own. Her thumbs lightly brush against the back of her hands in a soothing, circular motion. It does so well to calm Sana down. Better than the chocolate ice cream.

"I wanted to protect you. That's all," Tzuyu says softly with a small smile, "I wasn't trying to fix you or cleanse you of your sins or whatever else theory you have in your mind,” she taps Sana’s forehead lightly with her knuckle, making her scowl just a bit, "I wanted you safe. And that was the only way I knew how."

"Why would you care about me?" Sana feels her lips tremble, scared to know the answer, "I was just a stranger to you."

Tzuyu purses her lips and averts her eyes from Sana's questioning gaze. She wants to know the answer to this riddle that has been swimming in her mind for so long. It has never left her. As much as the fond memories tend to overshadow the puzzling identity and intentions of Tzuyu, Sana has never ceased to wonder _why_. 

Tzuyu pulls their hands up to her chest, as if to make Sana know that her words are sincere, genuine and said with her whole heart.

"I didn't need a reason, Sana."

"That's bullshit," Sana scoffs, turning her head away from the girl, trying to slip her hands free from her grip, "You don't even know me."

"I know that you're a good person," Tzuyu says, pressing the pads of her fingers into Sana’s hands, unwilling to let her go. Sana can almost _hear_ the smile on her face, "Because you didn't steal my money or my laptop. You offered to do the dishes. You treated me to a meal and carried my groceries for me. You even risked your life to a fire hazard by baking with me. You walked me all the way to the train station even when you had to study for finals. You never touched me inappropriately even if you had every opportunity."

Sana laughs at that. None of the teasing counted as _inappropriate_?

"That was all the more reason I wanted you to stay," she tucks a loose strand of hair behind Sana's ear, “I asked myself why you left. It was something I’ve always wanted to ask you if I ever got the chance. But I knew better. I knew I had to let you go. You wanted to grow, right? And you wouldn’t have been able to do that if you stayed. It's what you wanted, wasn't it?”

Why are the words coming out of her mouth so riddled with hurt, so burdened with regret? As if every syllable she drags out pricks her throat. 

It never dawned on her. 

No, it never occurred to Sana that she had punctured Tzuyu's beating heart with little needles by leaving. She had always thought she was the only one holding this pain.

All this time, Tzuyu had given Sana what she wanted (or what she thought she wanted). Hell. Not even Sana understood what she wanted. But if she had it her way, she would take all the pain she had caused Tzuyu. Anything to stop her from getting hurt. Was Sana selfish for leaving? She thought she was doing it for Tzuyu?

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Tzuyu,” Sana says as tears begin to pool in her eyes, “I thought walking out of your life would’ve been better for you.”

Tzuyu cups Sana's face with one hand, bringing warmth to her cheek on this rather chilly evening, wiping away the hurt that spills from her eyes, "I meddled in your business. Not once. But twice," she chuckles to herself and presses her forehead against Sana's. She's warm and delicate, "And I think I was clinically depressed for over a year," Tzuyu closes her eyes, their noses bump and Sana can feel the whisper that tickles her face as the other girl speaks, "But I wouldn't have changed a thing."

Tzuyu kisses her. So softly, so carefully. As if she’s afraid of breaking Sana apart with her touch. But it doesn’t. It makes her melt. Her heart is filled with a warmth so familiar and so encompassing that she can feel it radiating throughout her whole body, all the way to the tips of her fingers. Sana almost forgets to kiss her back, to move her lips in tune with Tzuyu’s. But Sana could never forget the feeling, the taste, how it was like to kiss her. _Like strawberries and summer._ God, Sana wants to cry. Nothing has ever felt more right.

But before Sana gets the chance to run her hands through the other girl’s hair or slip her tongue in her mouth, Tzuyu releases her from the trance. She grins victoriously as if she had just bested Sana.

"Okay, you can't kiss your way out of this, Tzuyu," Sana rolls her eyes. She can feel the blood rush to her cheeks at an unrivaled speed. Tzuyu's smirk makes it worse. Sana doesn’t think she’s ever seen Tzuyu smirk. Where on earth did she learn that? How did she get so smug in their time apart?

_Their time apart._

Sana has to laugh at her own thoughts.

Maybe that’s why it has been so unsettling parting with her the first time. That nothing else seemed to make sense and everything was bland and unendingly uninteresting. That, for some reason, she has been constantly _longing, yearning_ for something so seemingly unreachable, when all along what she has been wanting was within her grasp. And maybe that’s why she found it so hard to let go of these feelings.

But even so, she had been trying her damn best to find or replicate or replace those feelings. Or even worse, ignore them. Do they still, in fact, exist? Are they still valid? And if so, would it matter if Tzuyu didn’t feel the same way?

“How could you still want me?”

“You still ask way too many questions,” Tzuyu giggles and kisses her again, proving to Sana that, yes, she can in fact, kiss her way out of any situation.

-

The store clerk has turned into a young, sleepy girl in a ponytail. Sana could’ve sworn it was an elderly man just a minute ago. They haven’t been paying attention to the time. It was ten o’clock, then twelve, now it’s past one.

Since then, Sana has told Tzuyu about her… adventures over the past three years. A depressing few months since their So-called Break Up all while kickstarting her career as a school counselor and reprimanding kids for doing dumb and crazy shit like setting fires, or stealing phones, or, her favorite, punching someone in the face. The eventual re-entering into the “industry” and _eventual_ end of her career in that field. Without, of course, mentioning her escapades with some of her clients. Tzuyu doesn’t need to know that. Not that she would _want_ to know. So now they are up to speed with her life. Tzuyu, on the other hand, recounts her days, spending most of which buried in codals and heavy textbooks and decaf coffee, which she has learned to love. Something about that hot, brown bean water makes her feel like she can get things done without the fear of palpitations. She does, however, mention the darkest days after their So-called Break Up and her friends attempts to console her. They really did try.

"You know, I don't think I ever got over you," Tzuyu nudges Sana with her elbow. They're sitting side by side, shoulders touching, sharing the other's warmth amidst the cold, “I didn’t think I could.”

"What is it about me you love so much?" Sana jokes as she rests her head on Tzuyu's shoulder, "Don't tell me you never dated anyone. What about that girl? Mina, was it? She seems nice."

"No, she’s nice and all but I was stuck up on a certain blonde,” Tzuyu absentmindedly plays with the loose thread on Sana’s jacket, “She’s a brunette now.”

“You have a thing for blondes?” Sana smirks, running her finger along Tzuyu’s thigh before Tzuyu’s hand stops her from getting any further.

“Did _you_ ever date anyone?" there was a hint of jealousy in her tone, just the tiniest bit. And Sana can't help but giggle.

"No, but I did happen to meet Park Jihyo."

"Oh! Like a fanmeeting?” Tzuyu says excitedly, “I really like her latest album and…” she trails off, “Or… do I… not want to know how you met her?"

Sana keeps mum. Now is probably not the time to mention one of her favorite clients. Or the things they did. She should probably never mention it ever again.

"Say, why'd you decide to go to law school?" Sana asks instead.

Tzuyu shrugs a bit. A hundred people have probably already asked her that. Sana wonders what sort of reasons she gave them. She takes Sana's hand and intertwines their fingers. Tzuyu has gotten a lot touchier and Sana is definitely not used to it. But she's not complaining though.

"This might sound corny. But I wanted to fight for women’s rights," she says, "I want to make sure that women who were mistreated can come forward. I want them to feel safe, like I hoped I did with you.

“Maybe I’m a bit ambitious, you know,” she continues, looking up at the night sky’s lack of stars, “But I hope no one has to ever go through what you went through.”

_Ambitious_. 

Sana thinks about it. She’d been ambitious then. And life fell flat. And she felt defeated for the longest time. And whatever drive that had kept her going came to a halt. But when she looks at Tzuyu, looking so eager to help, to make other people’s lives better, she feels her dying spark catch a bit of ember, lighting a small fire in her heart. She smiles, mostly to herself, at the way Tzuyu’s eyes twinkle as she speaks. Tzuyu’s eyes are the only stars she needs tonight.

“Come with me,” Sana says, getting up from her seat, leaving their empty plastic cups on the table and taking Tzuyu by the hand.

-

“You’ve never been here, have you?” Sana asks, though she’s certain of the answer. Tzuyu doesn’t go anywhere much, _especially_ not the red light district of Seoul. If she says that she has, Sana would probably lose her mind.

Tzuyu shakes her head in response.

_Thank God._

“Just… don’t make eye contact with or talk to anyone, alright?” 

Sana squeezes Tzuyu’s hand as they enter the strangest place Tzuyu has probably ever been. Small structures that resemble small rooms are stacked together, side by side. One side is a glass wall with curtains that can be pulled over from one end to the other for… privacy. The rooms are moderately furnished, Sana could say. There's a bed, a small side table, a love seat for _whatever purpose_. All the rooms look the same. She could say the same about the women standing or sitting in each of these rooms. Like prepackaged boxes with, as much as Sana would hate to make the comparison, toys inside them for people to play. And, God, Sana hates it.

Their eyes are empty and lack the life one would normally find in young women. Sana wonders if she had the same empty eyes, wonders if Tzuyu saw them and thought about how she so urgently needed to protect her. Was that what she saw and felt?

They walk along the small street as some of the patrons passing by look at them strangely like they’re lost tourists who’ve stumbled upon the wrong attraction. Sana looks at Tzuyu, who looks adorably awkward, staring straight ahead with eyes that do not waver and sway to any direction other than forward. She feels kind of sorry for bringing her here to be honest.

At the end of the street, where they are finally away from the wary stares and weirdly blinding lights of those box rooms, Sana tugs Tzuyu’s arm so she turns to face her, cheeks aflame and probably a throat, parched and dry. Oh, she feels so sorry for subjecting her to such an experience. But, such is the reality. And Tzuyu should see it.

“Hey, sorry I made you walk through that,” Sana smiles kindly, brushing Tzuyu’s hair till her hand reaches the back of her neck, “I just thought you should see the women you’d be helping out. I mean, you might not be able to help them directly. But who knows, right? Sometimes the ripple effect is just as good. I want you to know the kind of difference you could make in their lives, just like you did mine.”

Tzuyu's eyes soften at that. She smiles and, honestly, it makes Sana's heart flutter. She's smiling _for_ her, _because of_ her. 

"Thank you. You've always been the only reason I needed though."

She's so greasy!

But knowing Tzuyu, she probably means that with every fiber of her being. And that makes it so much better. It does things to Sana's heart though, makes it stumble and fall all over again.

"You're so weird," Sana snorts, blushing like a fool, while the other girl looks utterly confused, saying she really meant what she said, "Let's get you home."

-

The cab ride to Tzuyu's apartment is quiet save the low hum of the radio playing old music from a time long forgotten by the two of them.

"Hey," Sana pokes Tzuyu's side as the girl begins to doze off. She hums in response, "Tzuyu, look at me," she turns her head away from the window with closed eyes and a sleepy smile, "What are we?"

It's another thing she'd been asking quite a lot. Surely, they were not friends or lovers at the onset of their "relationship", but what are they now? They've been through so much together. They can't just walk away from the other and act like none of this ever happened, can they? And if it's not apparent enough, they certainly do have _some sort_ of feelings for each other, right? They can't ignore that either. And, well, Sana has always wanted for things to be clearly stated. Hypocritical of her though. She could never speak of her own feelings, especially when it involved the woman sitting next to her. But she needs to know. What does Tzuyu want to happen next?

Tzuyu ponders, eyes shut and deep in thought.

"Should we start over?"

"What?"

Tzuyu opens her eyes and offers her right hand in an attempt at formal introductions, "Chou Tzuyu."

She gives a polite smile and waits for Sana to accept the handshake. She really is weird.

Sana takes her hand, knowing full well they can never really "start over".

"Minatozaki Sana."

"It's funny. I never knew your last name," she chuckles, "Ah, right. We're starting over. It's a pleasure to meet you."

She's a horrible actress, breaking out of character in the first scene.

"Tzuyu, I'm serious."

"So am I."

_Of course, she is._

“Do you… still want me? After all this time?”

“Don’t you?” Tzuyu quirks her eyebrow, like Sana’s question made no sense at all.

“I do,” Sana huffs, “I really do. But doesn’t it bother you? Don’t you care about all the people I’ve been with? The things I’ve done? The things people have done to _me_?” Sana wonders if she should’ve left that part out when Tzuyu’s jaw clenches.

“No,” she says with the release of her jaw, her muscles easing as she reaches for Sana’s hand, “You’re still the Sana I know. You’ve never left my mind. You make my heart skip a beat every time I look at you. And I don’t know if I can stand being apart from you a second time around. So, I hope you stop asking me whether I still want you or not because I still do.”

She pouts, asking for Sana to stop questioning her good and pure intentions. Because that’s all it ever was and all it will ever be.

The cab comes to a halt and Tzuyu opens the door to her side of the car after paying the driver. 

“Aren’t you getting off?” Tzuyu asks, leaning down to talk to Sana, reaching her hand out for her.

“I’ll just take the cab home.”

“It’s late,” Tzuyu shakes her head, “You should stay.”

Sana laughs at that, though Tzuyu sees little to no amusement. Her famous last words when Sana didn’t actually stay that night. Maybe tonight will end differently. 

She grabs her hand and steps out of the cab.

“You _will_ stay this time, right?”

Sana wraps her arms around Tzuyu’s waist, resting her chin on Tzuyu’s shoulder and nuzzling into her neck.

“I don’t think I can stand being apart from you again either, Tzuyu.”

-

Little Ryujin passes by her office as Sana locks the door before leaving. She greets her with a bow and waves her goodbye before going to the practice room to read their lines for their upcoming play -- Peter Pan. Sana would have joined their practice too but she has other plans. Somehow she found her way to becoming the school's _official_ drama club co-adviser alongside Sooyoung, who actually _does_ have some acting experience as opposed to Sana who only did it to fill in her free time. But Sana actually likes it, likes seeing those kids run around and act like they know what they're doing. And she especially loves a stressed out Sooyoung trying to teach them the importance of hand gestures and voice projection and body language. And most importantly, facial expressions!

It's a quiet walk to the school gate. The sun setting slowly as oranges and violets color the sky above her. Sana takes a quick moment to appreciate the lights and colors and the kids playing on the field before their parents pick them up. It's Friday and everyone's eager to go home or go out. But all kids want to do is play.

Joohyun is also on her way out apparently and she jumps a bit when Sana calls her.

"Hi, Sana," Joohyun says while checking her phone before meeting Sana's eyes. She tidies up the bun on her head and adjusts her glasses, "heading home?"

"Waiting for a friend," Sana says with a smile.

Timing is everything it seems because said _friend_ has arrived, with a wide grin and a plastic bag of goodies from a bakeshop nearby. Said _friend_ has, for some reason, brought along another friend with the cutest eyes and squishiest cheeks Sana has ever seen. She waits for Tzuyu to introduce her to Sana but the woman immediately stands by Joohyun's side and links their arms together, giving her a peck on the cheek and grinning at the blush dusting on Joohyun’s elegantly pale white skin. The shock shows a bit more clearly on Joohyun’s face than on Sana’s.

So this is what Joohyun does on most Friday nights.

Joohyun slips her arm away from the woman and slaps her lightly, reprimanding her with a hiss, "Seulgi-yah!"

Sana has _never_ seen her like this. It's funny, really. She bids Sana goodbye quickly and walks off while the other woman chases after her asking what she did wrong _this_ time.

When Joohyun and her _friend_ turn the corner, there's a tug on her sleeve and arms instantly wrap around her waist. Tzuyu smiles dreamily and leans in to plant a kiss on Sana's lips. But her attempt fails when Sana lifts the folder she'd been holding in front of her face, effectively making Tzuyu leave a kiss mark on the piece of cardboard. Guess she'll have to replace it.

"What are you doing?" Sana giggles, trying to pry Tzuyu's clingy hands from her body, "There are kids everywhere!"

It's still so new to Sana for Tzuyu to initiate _any_ form of affection. A novel concept. Although Sana has to admit she's still the more touchy one between the two of them. Still, it always catches her off guard though when Tzuyu leans in first for a kiss or holds her hand when they go out for a walk or hugs her from behind when she's brewing coffee and tea. But Sana _loves_ it. She loves Tzuyu's cheeky grin when she knows she has Sana blushing and scrunching her nose, wanting to scream _“What the fuck, Tzuyu? We're at school!”_ But cursing out loud is probably worse. She loves it when Tzuyu gets home, drops all her things on the couch and kisses her like it's the first time. She loves it when Tzuyu takes her out for a much needed cheat meal after a day at work or after Sana's classes, which she _finally_ decided to enroll in. Though she would say that what she loves the most is Tzuyu's sincere, contented smile when she knows she has Sana all to herself.

"I don't care," Tzuyu giggles, tightening her hold around Sana's waist, pulling her closer until their noses bump. To be honest, Sana doesn't really care either but _the kids can see_ and she needs to be professional! So Tzuyu lets go and holds her hand instead.

"And how did that case go?" Sana asks, rubbing her thumb on the back of Tzuyu's hand. She'd been nervous about it. But she really had nothing to worry about because Tzuyu is truly that kind of person who will persevere and shine when she puts her mind and heart to it.

"It was fine. We'll get a second hearing next week," Tzuyu looks ahead as they cross the street before facing Sana again, "It feels good to work for a cause I care about."

It just fills Sana's heart to the brim to hear those words. But before Sana can express how proud she is of her, Tzuyu quickly pulls her hand when they step foot on the sidewalk. She cups Sana's face and kisses her. Just a chaste, barely there kiss that has Sana dazed and confused and has Tzuyu laughing at said confusion all over her face.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist," Tzuyu says as she kisses her again.

"Oh, what have I done to you?" Sana laughs, giving her a peck on the cheek, "When we first met, you couldn't even look me in the eyes. Heck, you didn't even _dare_ to look at my body. Not even sneak a peek!"

She has Tzuyu blushing again at the memory and it makes her bury her face into Sana's neck from embarrassment. Sana lifts her head up and holds her face close to hers giving her yet another kiss before deciding this is way too much public display of affection. But Tzuyu clearly misses the memo and plants one more kiss on Sana's lips.

Who knew Tzuyu was capable of being so affectionate? How much has she been holding back before?

"Should I tone it down?" Tzuyu laughs, intertwining their fingers as they head home.

Is this some kind of dream? It can't be real, can it? Sana thinks about it almost everyday, every time she wakes up next to Tzuyu, every time she kisses her good night, every time they fail at trying out a new recipe, every time they snuggle up to watch a dumb movie. Is this truly what she deserves? Is she allowed to feel this happy, to feel this loved?

She has to make a mental checklist that she ticks off. No, it's not a dream. Yes, it's real. Yes, she deserves to feel all the good, fluttery feelings in her chest. Yes, she's very much loved and is allowed to feel this happy.

Maybe it took a long, _long_ way to get here. And, well, there's still so much about herself that Sana needs to work on and so much she needs to reclaim and accept. But, for now, as long as Tzuyu is by her side, she's more than alright.

Sana shakes her head with a little pout on her lips.

"Don't you dare tone it down, Chou Tzuyu. Because this right here," Sana points to herself and then at Tzuyu and the lack of space between them. She was wrong the first time. Now, she can finally say truthfully and with a smile full of content, "This is enough."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TAKE TWO.
> 
> Internet connection here is crap and my first note was deleted AHAH I was pouring out my heart and shit!!!
> 
> But anyway. Will post my word vomit on twitter so as not to crowd the end notes.
> 
> Just wanted to say that I am really proud of this piece of work that I've somehow finished (!!!). And I couldn't have done it if not for all the support from you guys! I know that sounds super cheesy but you’ve all really helped me! Whenever you guys comment, dm me on twitter and all that. I really, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate it. Not to mention your words of encouragement. I… I’m so touched. T.T
> 
> I’ll be taking a break from writing for now. It’s been a wild ride but I need to refresh my mind, get new ideas and touch the grass or whatever haha. I may come back, who knows? Haha! Probably will, I can’t get off this damned app (twitter I mean) haha!
> 
> Anyway, this is already getting too long and personal. Notes about the story will be posted on my twitter probably! See you guys around! Hope you’re all doing well and please stay safe and follow safety protocols!!!
> 
> @trash_for_twice on twitter.  
> https://curiouscat.qa/trash_for_twice if you have any questions? lol  
> ko-fi.com/trashfortwice if ya ever feel like donating
> 
> ====  
> [EDIT]: HEY I DIDN'T FORGET THAT BONUS CHAPTER HAHA You know, that smexy one I mentioned before haha! But please don't expect anything from me this year lol.
> 
> [EDIT 20/12/20]: Okay, sooo I really want to get some feedback/criticism about this fic (or my past writings), like ways on how I can improve as a writer and such. So if you will, please type away on my cc: https://curiouscat.qa/trash_for_twice. It would be much appreciated!


	16. [M] Chapter 10 Bonus Snippet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tzuyu sighs.
> 
> “Yes,” she says before cupping Sana’s face and bringing her in for another kiss, "Stay."
> 
> So, Sana does. She stays for the night. One more time.
> 
> (But smexy time ensues)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, happy holidays! This is my gift to you! 
> 
> Secondly, I would like to say the following:  
> a. If you are celebrating this season for religious purposes and you find this uncomfortable, I'm sorry for posting it. I mean, I meant to post it earlier but yeah. I will, however, advise you to look away and come back another time maybe.  
> b. I would, however, like to apologize in general if it's not up to par with what you may have been expecting? I'm not very good at writing smut hahahaha so you can look away too.  
> c. This is PURELY a work of fiction. We're adults. We can separate reality from fiction, alright? If you can't, well, I will advise you again to look away. 
> 
> Alright, that's enough blabbering! Thank you and enjoy! See you at the end notes!

Just like every other night before this last one, Tzuyu insists that Sana stay. She doesn’t have to. Tzuyu doesn't have an envelope for her anymore. It’s not even that late and Tzuyu has no excuse to keep her around any longer than she should. Just to delay the inevitable. She stands behind Sana as she puts her sandals on.

Tzuyu asks again what Sana plans to do in the summer, if only to fill the air with that voice she knows she won’t hear again. Sana reminds her that she’ll be going home for a while and bonks her forehead for forgetting their earlier conversation.

Sana straightens her jacket and smiles at Tzuyu. But she doesn't smile back. She can barely look her in the eyes, too scared to be drawn into them. She should let go.

"Thank you," Sana circles her arms around Tzuyu's waist and rests her chin on her shoulder, "for everything."

Sana's so warm. She feels like home. And Tzuyu never thought anyone could be that way for her. Unimaginable. And how can she go on without this warmth or this home that she's grown to love?

And as Sana pulls away slowly, in the slowest fashion possible for Tzuyu's racing heart, she holds her arms, squeezing them gently.

"Sana."

Tzuyu leans in.

Sana hums in response.

Their foreheads touch, their breathing in sync.

"It's getting late."

She tilts her head.

Just a thread away from her lips.

"Maybe you should stay."

Tzuyu takes a deep breath. She knows.  _ Oh _ , she knows this will hurt. When their lips meet again for the second time tonight, Tzuyu never wants to bid them goodbye. She never wants to forget the scent of orange blossom and the taste of cherry on those pink lips. So, she pulls her closer, impossibly closer to herself. It’s not like their first kiss. No, Tzuyu doesn’t let it stop at an innocent peck. Sana doesn’t stop her either. Tzuyu is the first to lose all sense of control. She lets her tongue slip past Sana’s lips. The words fail to escape Sana’s mouth. The only thing that she utters is a muffled moan. The only thing she can taste is Sana’s mouth, the only scent is Sana’s breath. Tzuyu feels Sana’s eyelashes flutter close, brushing her face lightly. 

She breaks the kiss reluctantly, only to trail her lips along Sana's jaw. And the way Sana knocks her head back to give Tzuyu freer access to her skin makes her dizzy. She wants more.

But Sana places her hands on Tzuyu's shoulders, pushing her away, as she catches her breath.

_ Oh. _

"I'm sor-"

"Tzuyu," Sana stops her mid-sentence, her eyes dark and intense, her breathing shallow as she stares at Tzuyu, "do you want this?" And Tzuyu can't meet her eyes. She can only feel the heat in her cheeks because,  _ yes _ , she wants this. She wants  _ her _ , "Because if you say yes I won't be able to stop myself."

She captures her lips in a desperate kiss, hoping Sana would get the answer from her actions.

"Tzuyu," she pulls away again, "I need you to say it."

Tzuyu sighs, “Yes,” she says before cupping Sana’s face and bringing her in for another kiss, "Stay."

So, Sana does. She stays for the night. One more time.

-

They manage to reach the bedroom fully clothed and without banging their hips against the edge of a table or walking into the wall like two idiots. It's an achievement considering just how  _ engrossed _ they are in each other, not really caring about the world around them. Sana's hands dare not leave Tzuyu's body, pulling her closer whenever she takes a step towards their destination. Neither do her lips.  _ God _ , Sana's lips. They're pillowy soft but searing hot. And her  _ tongue _ , moving past Tzuyu's lips without warrant, pressing against the roof of her mouth, running it against her own tongue. Tasting. Every. Inch.

Sana throws her jacket across the bedroom and pushes Tzuyu till the back of her legs hit the bed and she’s forced to lie down on the mattress, her back against the white sheets. She adjusts herself in panicked haste so her legs don't dangle on the floor. She's propped up on her elbows, staring down at Sana as she crawls on top of Tzuyu, hair falling over one side. Tzuyu knew if she’d ever be in this position, willingly surrendering to Sana and her touches and the way her eyes pierce through the crumbling fortress she'd built up, she wouldn’t be able to stop. She wouldn't be able to resist anymore. They stare at each other for what could possibly only be a moment, but, to Tzuyu, under Sana's magnetic gaze, it feels like she's lost in this time and space between them. It only breaks when Sana coaxes Tzuyu to fully lie on her back and begins kissing her with a fervor like no other. What strong willpower Tzuyu had over her urges have ceased to exist. It enters her mind that this is, perhaps, Sana’s power. Is this why men drool all over themselves while looking at her? Is this why they want her? Is this why they hurt her? 

The thought stills her.

“You were right,” Tzuyu says as Sana marks her neck with red lipstick and playful bites, “It does bother me,” Tzuyu reaches for the hem of Sana’s shirt and starts to pull it over her head, making Sana stop her actions for a split second just to take it off. She looks at Tzuyu, with an arched brow, waiting for her to continue whatever it is she wanted to say but all she can do is stare at Sana and revel in the way she’s straddled on her hips, shirtless and looking absolutely gorgeous. She looks away, always having been taught not to stare at someone. But her aversion is brought about mostly because the words that follow make her feel small, that she is but another one of Sana's customers or Sana's lovers. That she is just another one of those people who have had the honor of being with her, “that so many others have touched you.” 

It's not something that stems from competitiveness or jealousy. It's not that Tzuyu would've wanted to be the first or to be the only one. It's just that Tzuyu knows. She knows that some of those who have touched her before never truly appreciated her, never loved her the way she deserves.

Her hands hesitate. They do want to hold Sana, to feel her warmth and to make  _ her _ feel  _ warm _ , to let her know that she  _ is _ loved. She wants her touch to wipe away all of Sana's pain and hurt and to make her forget all the others who have held her with harsh hands or stung her with sickening kisses. Will Sana know what Tzuyu’s touches mean? Sana looks at her with unreadable eyes, but she smiles. It’s pleasant. She reaches for Tzuyu’s hands and interlaces their fingers. 

“You don’t have to be so bothered anymore,” she says calmly, kissing Tzuyu after. Sana pulls back to look at her, and Tzuyu is able hold her fiery gaze this time, the impending heat flowing up to her cheeks, at the way Sana stares at her, "I'm all your tonight," the promise of tonight is daunting but Tzuyu takes it with a kiss to Sana's plump lips.

"Tzuyu," she calls her name, nuzzling her nose against Tzuyu's slender neck, "what do you want me to do?"

"I want…" Tzuyu hesitates but not for the reason Sana might be worried about. Tzuyu just doesn't know how to say it, to put it nicely without sounding so brash or vulgar, "I want to… pleasure you."

It makes Sana laugh, and the blazing reddening on Tzuyu's cheeks have her fumbling with her words to explain what she means. What did she say wrong? Sana kisses her again in between her laughing fit, "You're adorable," she cups her face, "But, Tzuyu, I've been wanting to  _ fuck _ you since I first laid eyes on you and if anyone's going to  _ pleasure _ anyone  _ first _ tonight, it's gonne be me."

Tzuyu really can't argue when Sana is ripping her pants off, planting quick little kisses along her bare legs, spreading them unceremoniously apart. Tzuyu can't hide her embarrassment either because frankly she's enjoying this way too much and she's giving it all away the moment Sana notices.

"Oh, God," Sana whimpers as she rests her cheek on Tzuyu's inner thigh, rubbing her cheek against her soft skin, lazily stroking her clothed center, "You're so wet, Tzuyu. I barely even started."

Sana has always been such a tease and it  _ always _ has Tzuyu turning red and maybe she kind of wants to smack that cheeky grin off her face. Tzuyu props herself up on her elbows to begin a long argument but Sana has other plans. Sana takes off the last piece of clothing that has been keeping her in this almost year long agony. And Tzuyu would really rather not look at those hungry eyes that are about to devour her but Sana has her ways. Her dark brown eyes keep Tzuyu locked on to her as she runs her index finger along the moist entrance of her folds. She has to bite back a moan because it's true that Sana has barely started and Tzuyu is just about ready to burst.

Tzuyu should be embarrassed. Half naked and legs spread, so willing to give in to this woman in front of her. But it's too late for that now. 

_ All she wants is Sana. _

"I hope you don't mind," Sana says in a raspy voice, removing her finger as she says so. She leans her face closer to her center, just a breath away, "I just want to taste you so bad."

Tzuyu doesn’t curse much. Not on a daily basis. Not as much as Sana or her colleagues. Not even when Sana dropped her and sent her to the emergency room. Not when that clumsy server spilled their drinks. Nope. Tzuyu doesn’t curse much at all.

But she’d be  _ damned _ if she doesn’t yell out all the expletives she knows because,  _ fuck _ , Sana knows her way around Tzuyu.

Sana starts with slow, purposeful strokes with her tongue along her clit. Turning it to quick flicks in an instant and alternating as she so pleases to the tune of Tzuyu's moans. The change in pace and sensations has Tzuyu's heart racing wildly in her chest. She sucks on that pair of lips lovingly and closes her eyes for a moment, just completely enveloping her senses in everything that is Tzuyu. Darting her tongue into her center in one swift motion, without so much as a warning, and begins ravaging her tongue across and around her walls, tasting every bit of her as her nose nudges her clit with every slight movement of her tongue. It's maddening.

“Will you hold it in for me,” Sana coos in between her actions, her lips and chin glistening, “until I say so? Will you be a good girl for me?”

_ Why is Sana saying those things and why is it turning Tzuyu on so much? _

Tzuyu nods because what else is she supposed to do? But how the  _ fuck _ then is Tzuyu supposed to keep it together when Sana is staring at her while she's  _ eating her out _ ? She’d restrained those urges since day one and now she’s unleashing all of it. Tzuyu doesn’t know if she can handle all that Sana is about to offer. Sana turns her attention back to the sensitive bundle of nerves. The feeling of emptiness doesn't last long when a finger begins sliding into her. Tzuyu gasps for air, to bring much needed oxygen into her lungs because, God, her tongue and hands are magic.

_ Fuck _ .

There’s nothing to keep her grounded. Tzuyu covers her face with her hands to stop herself from waking up the entire apartment because she can’t contain the pressure building up with the way Sana is licking her up like she’s been through days of a bone-drying drought.

And then Sana stops.

Why the  _ fuck _ would she stop?

Or has Tzuyu lost consciousness? Has she ascended into a transcendent life? 

Fingers wrap around her wrists and pull her hands away from her face. Sana smiles at her softly, as if she wasn’t just trying to hungrily taste  _ all _ of her.

“Too much?”

Tzuyu nods sheepishly, cheeks aflame from the blood rushing to her head.

“Sorry,” Sana smiles and places soft butterfly kisses on her lips, giving her some time to feel safe and comfortable with her, "I got carried away. I just… I'll slow down."

How she manages to go from ravenous sex monster to sweet and soft lover is a mystery.

“Are you okay?” Sana asks, concern all over her face, "Should I keep going?"

“Yes,” Tzuyu smiles. Sana’s care melts her heart and breaks it all the same, "Just… just talk me through it."

"Oh, I never pegged you as one who likes dirty talk," Sana giggles, not giving Tzuyu a chance to explain herself that what she  _ really _ meant was that -- 

"How do you want me then, Tzuyu?" Sana leans forward, whispering against Tzuyu's ear. Her hot breath sends shivers down Tzuyu's spine, "Did you like it when I shoved my tongue in you?" Tzuyu lets out a shaky breath, "Or did you prefer my fingers fucking you hard?" She whimpers, grabbing hold of Sana's back as the woman on top of her bites her earlobe, "Do you have a strap on around here? Maybe you'd want me to fuck you to the hilt till my hips slap your cute little ass?"

Tzuyu swears she could come from those words alone.

"Too much?" Sana chuckles, pulling away. Tzuyu doesn't know how to answer. No one's ever talked to her like that. But anything Sana says or does at this point has blown away whatever expectations she had  _ never _ set.

Tzuyu shakes her head. 

Sana smirks.

"Tell me, Tzuyu," Sana's hands find warmth under her shirt, blindly searching for her breasts. A sly grin forms on her lips when she reaches them, cupping and massaging them slowly through the fabric of her bra. Tzuyu can't help but to shamelessly push her chest out for Sana, "what would you do to _pleasure_ _me_?"

Is she supposed to answer that question  _ now _ while she's doing  _ this  _ to her?

Sana's right hand reaches under her back to unclasp the bra expertly in a single attempt. Bur she doesn't continue. Right, she wants Tzuyu to answer the question. Or she could distract her by taking her shirt off,  _ finally _ . And that damned bra too. Sana gulps audibly as Tzuyu watches her throat bob up and down while she stares at Tzuyu's now completely naked body. Again, she's way past the point to care about how embarrassed she is.

_ All she wants is Sana. _

"I would," Tzuyu's hands reach for Sana's stomach, lightly grazing her fingernails against that soft white skin. She bumps against the edge of Sana's lacy bra, just under her breasts, to which she takes as a cue to divest herself of the atrocious material. Tzuyu stares, lost in the way Sana's breasts are practically perfect in every way, so soft and full. She wants nothing more than to fill her mouth with them and to lick every inch of her body with her tongue, tasting every bit of her, savoring the way she would scream in delight. Now… she just has to find a way to say those things out loud, "touch you… there…" (and, yes, Sana giggles at her attempt to say  _ words _ ) her hands travel south and stop at the hem of Sana's jeans, popping the button open and dragging the zipper down slowly, tortuously, "and I'll make you feel so good, Sana."

Sana's glassy eyes glimmer despite how dark they've become and her lips seem to have become dry as she licks them with each passing breath she puffs out at Tzuyu's words. 

"I'm betting on it," Sana jests, giving her a quick kiss, letting her breasts slide against Tzuyu's in an almost agonizing way, before sitting back up, "but,  _ please _ , let me do it first."

She resumes her previous actions, massaging the soft mounds as Tzuyu sighs in soft relief. Sana leans in and captures one in her lips, catching Tzuyu by surprise as her breath hitches in her throat. She flicks her tongue around the nipple before taking it between her teeth.

Tzuyu's never been a fan of her previous partners fondling her breasts, not that she'd had much experience anyway. It was mostly uninteresting on her side. But, God, Sana can fondle all she likes, anywhere she wants, any time of the day. She moves to the other breast and sucks  _ hard _ , circling her tongue around the nipple. The low moans that leave Tzuyu's lips encourage Sana as she sucks harder, licks with more pressure. She releases it with a pop and rests her cheek against Tzuyu's chest. Her warm breath complements Tzuyu's burning skin.

"You're so lovely," she whispers, her arms move under Tzuyu's lower back, hugging her body tightly, "I want you so bad."

"You can have me," Tzuyu says, nearly breathless, mindlessly tracing scribbles on Sana's back.

Sana looks up at her and kisses her once more before going back down on her again with that devilish smirk that reappears.

Sana brings Tzuyu back to that daze she was in before. This time, she holds her hand, intertwining their fingers so she’s assured that Tzuyu won’t faint or go insane. It’s sweet if she thinks about it. Sana’s movements are slower this time, languid and fluid but no less hungry as before. She laps up all the juices flowing out of her before going back to her clit, carefully picking up speed and pressure on that nub. Sana easily slides her index finger in her, pushing in and out steadily so as not to overwhelm Tzuyu again. The pace is perfect. And it's amazing and sweet and so very thoughtful of Sana for adjusting just for Tzuyu. 

Should she be embarrassed at how a second finger makes its way inside with so much ease? Quiet nonsensical moans leave her mouth at each stroke of her fingers and each brush of her tongue. Again, she might be  _ embarrassed _ beyond repair, but she doesn't care.

_ All she wants is Sana. _

It doesn't take long for Tzuyu to stand on the edge once more. Not with Sana touching her in all the right ways. Sana really is relentless. And Tzuyu tries her best to keep up with her, tightening her grip on Sana’s hand while the other threatens to rip the bedsheet apart. Sana picks up the speed, increasing the pressure and stares at Tzuyu with dark, hooded eyes so full of an animalistic, insatiable desire to  _ pleasure _ her. Her long fingers reach deep into her, digging into the moist walls, searching for that spot that could make Tzuyu scream shamelessly. And perhaps Sana just has a knack for these things because she finds it and she knows just what to do with this knowledge. She blinks once as if sending a signal to Tzuyu and her eyes soften while her fingers and her tongue continue their unending onslaught. She curls her fingers, bumping  _ that _ spot again and again. It has Tzuyu writhing and shaking, begging for more and more of this ecstacy.

She comes.  _ Oh _ , she comes, hard and loud. She shuts her eyes as the blinding pleasure courses through her, letting out shaky moans and holding on to anything earthly with trembling hands as each wave passes her intensely. The electrifying sensations tingle all throughout her body, from her spine as she arches her back, to her toes as she curls them instinctively. And Sana continues to pump her fingers, slowing down her pace. Tzuyu's chest rises and falls evidently with each breath she takes as she lies there, completely spent. Sana climbs on top of her to place an ironically chaste kiss on her lips and drops her tired body next to Tzuyu.

"You okay, sweetheart?" Sana asks, staring ever so happily at her work of art.

"Yes, I'm fine," Tzuyu's lips unintentionally form a lazy smile that has Sana giggling, "Give me a minute."

“Where was that bravado of yours?” Sana laughs, taking heavy breaths herself.

She turns to face Sana, who has her eyes on the ceiling looking dreamily as if she’s watching the stars in the night sky and Tzuyu wonders what this girl is thinking about. 

Tzuyu still has unfinished business. What Sana doesn’t know is that Tzuyu has a few tricks up her sleeve. She whispers the words against her ear that has Sana blushing immensely.

“Sit on my face.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story! Did you miss it? It hasn't been that long since I finished it, I know. But! I would like to say, again, for the nth time, thank you for all your support and words of encouragement and most of all sharing your thoughts on the story and how it made you feel. I'm honestly, beyond happy with the reaction and comments and the in-depth essays yall put up in my cc haha! Thank you!
> 
> More word vomit will be on my twitter probably.
> 
> Again, I would want to get some feedback/criticism about my works (and specially this chapter lol because I really don't know if I'm doing this well). So if you will, please type go to my cc: https://curiouscat.qa/trash_for_twice. It would be much appreciated!
> 
> @trash_for_twice on twitter.  
> ko-fi.com/trashfortwice if ya ever feel like donating lol it's the holidays! xD


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